Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

ps, and if the rescuer wants to rescue and their ''victim'' won't engage in the role in the Rescuer/Persecutor/Victim triangle, then they will take the role of victim.

run for the hills handy

If she bothers you

"you're not what I'm looking for in a friend, but I wish you the best" fuck off

I have in the last 8 and a half years had a FEW people attempt to run this shit over me. It makes them feel good if you play the role they want you to step in to.

www.ArmchairPsychotherapist.custard

Thanks ladies. Waving you are right - do not succumb to your ex. Stand firm. It's just so hugely important given then circumstances. You have got to start drawing some boundaries and then patrolling them like the flaming gestapo!

Hope Soho gets back to you Waving

Glad h being a bit more communicative 314 (phew).

Yes, waving, on reflection I do agree with Handy wrt taking your children back early so that your x can go to a football game. sorry for giving bad advice there. NOW, I would say that to my x but at the beginning he did need to know that he couldn't just walk ALL over me now that we weren't hidden as a couple in private behind closed doors. I hope that makes sense.

Lacoba re Mr Diamond telling you he works a lot and may be moving out of the area, I think there is a third option as he may have wanted to assess how keen you were.

Sassy thanks for the insight in the male dating brain, haha. Ultimately I think the right amount of messaging is the one on par with the discussions happening during dates. Someone who would talk a lot during a date and then does not text is odd. And frequency is a thing but content is a lot more important to me. Meaningless texts that belong more to the relationship frame annoy me most. In the beginning I am just expecting 1) nice things and 2) more insight as to who he is. The rest just creates false intimacy.

314 have you arranged another date with H yet? I would not worry about the three messages in a row if it was a one off. I think it looks spontaneous. Especially if in the next days you make him send more than one in a row - messaging does not have to be like ping pong, a little Unpredictability could be very attractive

Waving yes it sounds terrible but the first week of this kind if trip is the hardest and you have to go through it to actually make progress. Somehow everyone I know who did it and I felt like turning back because of the loneliness and usually some event of the dog bite kind. He will likely get past it, and it will be a great experience. If he turns back, well I think it will be hard for him getting over the backing down. Either way, I think it is best to avoid weighing in that decision

Jolly I'll bear that in mind & to be fair, he did say that it would now be a more difficult decision.. .

Handy I too had a friend not so dis-similar to yours, we stopped talking because she hated my then partner with a vengeance (he was a twat & is now the ex) but she tried to make me choose between them. It was painful, but I didn't believe that a 'true friend' would do that.

Waving I get your concern, but he's a big boy and needs to make that decision himself. It's hardly a 3rd world country, so I'm sure he can get proper treatment.

Checking in!
OMG amazing date, he turned up in silk boxers too (although I didn't jump him in the hallway so didn't know this straight away!). My lipstick was fairly wasted though as there was lots of snogging.

I asked him how many other irons he had and he said that he'd been chatting with another girl on Tinder but nothing had come of it and now he didn't see the point. After a few glasses of wine I told him that I really like him and that because I didn't have a lot of free time I preferred to spend it with him than with various irons. He said thank you and that he felt the same. We haven't mentioned the boyfriend/girlfriend words yet but it seems to be going that way. Watch this space.

The only thing that is bothering me is a sex thing so might be TMI for here (it's not a weird perversion or anything). He can't cum during actual PIV sex. Could this just be a getting to know each other thing? He blames the condoms but it does make me feel a bit of a failure.

Jolly, he has been really good texting the last two days. Ive had a shit lunxh with my parents and vented a tiny bit to him and he came back with a really supportive text. I just texted thanks and an appropriate picture! I dont want to lean on him tho. Can cope with my family's disapproval and lack of understanding.

My 13 year old astute. She listened to my parents tell me i need to get back down to earh and when we were on our own she said "im behind you mum".

Tentatively joining this thread. I admit, I've been lurking and reading some of the wonderful advice you've all been dishing out to each other, and a lot of it has been relevant and very helpful to me.
I've been divorced from my abusive ex for just over a year, and have just started dating again. Only one I met in RL, who seemed to want too much attention so that had to end. Apart from that I have had a few first dates with men and women I've met online, but not really going anywhere.
Apart from one that I'm trying to stay from. He is an unsuitable muso, but we have a spark. A huge spark. I'm trying to be a bitch, but it's hard..

That is great 314! And your DD rocks - good on her supporting you! wish parents were a lot more supportive with this OLD thing. But ultimately I think they are just freaked out with it and long for the good ole days of meeting someone in RL.. My mother is hellbent on convincing me that I should lower my standards because "I am freaking men out with my assertive personality". So very un-WMLB.

Oh and she did recently say that "it does not matter if I cannot find anyone right now, I will get one at the second service" aka when they will be divorced/separated. In other words, wait around, become the perfect doormat and at some point someone will decide to take you on - preferably while you can still give me grand kids. How nice.

I don't want to out myself but I'm feeling a bit awkward and uncomfortable about the lunch. It was pleasant enough until I said I planned to buy a small car and start driving. Well, their faces. They said I needed to get back down to earth They talk down to me like I'm a fool. Telling me about insurance and tax and so on. I have 7k saved specifically for project Get On The Road. I'm sure I will be able to buy something for that and fund it for a couple of years. I also have other money squirreled away for miscellaneous non-specific disasters. Life with my x (years of financial insecurity and financial abuse / other types of abuse) has made me really, really financially astute.

No plan to see H again but I'm not worried. It'll happen quite early in the week I'd guess. Maybe Tuesday. I might cook him a meal. Would that be too cosy? Like I've made him my boyfriend and given him the overalls for the job? I don't know. Just thought it might be nice. I haven't done that yet. Is it too much? 7th date. some discussion about hoping all goes well but also discussion about taking it slowly!

waving I haven't told my mum about OLD. She'd be appalled

She's bloody love H though. Which would pile on more pressure.

I know this isn't the stately homes thread, but my parents still treat me like the flighty irresponsible reckless impetuous teenager and I need just accept their bizarre picture of me can't be corrected and not let their impression of me upset me. They're wrong. I'm so responsible. I'm not a risk taker. I'm crazily cautious. I'm so so so sensible. I need to tune out my parents. Even as a teenager I was very cautious and sensible. The craziest thing I ever did was take HALF an ecstasy tablet.

And if I did get a car and if I did crash it, oh I would never hear the end of it.... They'd all be rolling their eyes and thinking ''I knew it''.

I think I am going to do level 3 now waving One cup of tea and then I'll start.

[breath]

Sorry about this. Letting out a bit of post family meal pressure on this thread aren't I?

314 thats plenty to buy a small car, why don't they want you to get a car?
I have family members who patronise me and think they are so above me, and talk to me like I'm a little girl who knows nothing. I've now gone NC with those, they like to bring me down, I think it makes them feel good about themselves arseholes
Surely you need a car, you have children, why are they treating it like you are being frivolous, its hardly a massive luxury. Get the car, find one that is low on insurance, petrol, and tax (some really little ones have no road tax at all), my diesel A class can do nearly 800 miles on a single tank, costs £50 to fill, low insurance, low tax, and wasn't expensive to buy. PM me if you need any more guidance (I'm no expert by any means but will advise if I can)

Thanks Prizey, I know two other single parents whose financial circs are far less stable than my own and they both manage to run a car. the friend I met on friday evening told me that her insurance went up when she moved across the road but that she'd pay any amount of money to keep that 'bad boy' on the road! I want that feeling of independence too. I want to think of all the nearby towns I could consider for work and not feel so tied to this one area all the time.

Ok waving we'll both be shredding. It'll help with my rage stress.

I've been the carer in the past too. It's even my personality type waving! So I think you're right to watch that you don't end up looking after soho. Jealous of you all with therapists on the go!

314 you absolutely must get the car, it will transform your life especially if you don't have one already, and your DC's lives. Do it, do it, do it. And stick a big middle finger up to those that say you shouldn't (I just can't see why they would be against it)