Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Good luck gast and red

lacoba how lovely!!

Scot and French have texted today. Haven't replied. I'm feeling a little meh. About life. About love. About dating.

Oh you have killed it with the preparations, gast now all there is to do is ENJOY!

I hear you Sassy. Think it may have played a part in me ducking out of a Cufflinks date.

Sassy it is lovely, but...I'm doing the 'thread' not to do and possibly over investing.
Is it wrong to say that I actually miss him already?

I agree though, that it's a funny old world! On a positive note, I'm still in contact with Mr Forest ( but just as a mate) and he is lovely man.

Honestly handy I don't know what's happened today. Out of the blue I've suddenly just thought 'Shit. Am I ever going to find love again? Or be loved again? Who the hell can I trust ever again?'
It's left me feeling , and in need of to myself!

I know days like this are inevitable. I just don't know what's triggered it.

Hey, thought I join in. Been on here before but took a long break as wasn't having much luck.

I joined pof on Thursday and I got 4 dates lined up for the coming week, I have 2 dates on Monday so feeling quite excited about that and a bit of a player, lol. Hoping I actually meet someone decent this time round. Looking forward reading everyone else stories too.

sassy dont think he is married,hes on my facebook,lived with his sons mum for 17 years but never married.

he did say he was unsure of what he wanted,i cant think he was a player.

ive been chatting to a friend about this today and was saying.a lot of women can go with the fun aspect and do the casual sex thing,yes it was fun,and if nothing more comes of it,well im ok.

i need to harden up,i am too fragile and just see it as another rejection.

Lacoba the rose,how lovely!
good luck with your second date gast!

Thank you Deedee. I was shocked, but pleased .

Just received a message from a man on OK Cupid.

I am older than his top "age I am looking for", but still younger than him.

Shall I tell him that having a desired age range that does not include his own age makes him look like a bit of a dick?

Nah, he's prob just be rude back.

Lovely about the roseLacoba off out to the party now. I so hope there will be a man I can flirt with but can pretty much guarantee that won't happen plus I'll be mostly avoiding ex best friend

Good luck at the party Handy - hope there are more single men than there were at my party last weekend.

Gah! I got a lovely message on OkCupid from a guy ...but he's 55 and I do not fancy him at all. Bugger.
Had message from Birdman last night at 11.30 when I had just got in from dinner with friends. So at least I had the benefit of looking busy and popular and also being able to say (honestly) that I was a bit drunk and tired and needed to go to bed... so that was that. Still no bloody mention of a 2nd date! It's defo on the cards...He just needs to sort it out!

Hope gast and red are having lovely dates!

Trills, I agree with you. Often it works out that way {grrr} but it does make the man look a bit delusional or a bit of a dick. Especially when they're not exactly exemplary specimens, lol....

Let us know what you say to him!

borntofolk awkward, what did you say? I just ignored 90% of the messages if I was 100% certain it was a 'no' from me. One man, very overweight, messaged me twice. I was surprised because I have on my profile that I'm in to health and fitness and that I like doing workouts at home. The first message was really nice, he'd read my profile and commented on it. I was mulling over how to reply if at all when he said ''does my weight put you off?''. What the hell could I say. I replied ''Health and fitness is probably quite a big part of my life. Good luck on here, we all need a bit of luck in this jungle!". So, basically, yes, in as kind a way as possible, but I tried not to make it too crisp.. Should I have ignored two messages in a row!?

I haven't replied...yet! I was kind of tempted to as I fancy a chat but that's not really fair is it? I usually ignore the crap messages and reply to the good ones with a polite turndown if I am really not interested.
Such a shame, he'd clearly read my profile and sent a polite chatty message...if only he'd been 15 years younger, a bit closer...and fit! I think I will send him a nice "thanks but no thanks" message tomorrow.
Still no more irons... wtf is wrong with me?!

I ignore if I'm definitely not interested, no matter how many messages. Well, if it's a lot then I block as well as ignoring.

Having sent a good number of first messages, polite refusals are definitely unusual. Ignoring is not rude, it seems to be the default.

Ooooo. No Loo updates yet.

That tells me red and gast are having good dates!

born a lot depends on where you're located. I get a feeling a fair few of us more active ones are London centric which makes a huge difference.

handy how was the party? Hopefully no drama...

eloquent am hoping you are ok.

at everyone else.

Have found a lovely method that is working for me in whatsapp by the way. I have muted each of the chats with the 4 irons and moved them to archive. That way they aren't in my main thread with my friends as a constant visible reminder.
I will go into archive once a day max to skim. Perfect. Have a busy day today so will check in tonight. Happy Sunday everyone xx

I will be interested to hear if red mentioned the lack of chat between dates to her new companion.
h surprised me ystrdy. 8 messages. All short. But throughout the day. And pictures. It has warmed me up towards him again!

Hello all

Party was ok. She swooped in on me the very moment I walked in, as I knew she would. I greeted her breezily with a hug and a kiss and moved off immediately to the bar. I thought she would get the message and stay away.

Unfortunately late in the night she came and started a conversation about it all
Her opening gambit was 'I've been so worried about yoooooou' repeat x 4 and couldn't comprehend my answer of 'I'm absolutely fine'. She was all doe-eyed and slightly teary and pleading and saying that she needs to make lots of changes and there's 'lots that needs to be unsaid' and we need to meet next week and discuss it all to salvage our friendship because she I'm her closest friend blah blah. I found it all unbelievably uncomfortable and sad. Told her I am so over talking about my ex. I indicated I was reluctant to meet up because I don't feel she is truly sorry and I'm angry that she has dredged up all this past pain about my divorce etc. She does realise about the dredged up pain because she is a therapist and can only relate to me as a psychological lame duck which I no longer am, which is one of the main points and she wasn't leaving me alone - I was so uncomfortable that I ended the conversation and walked away, saying a breezy 'see you soon'. Simply had to get away from her. Which in itself is difficult to comprehend after 25yrs of being such close friends. Next thing I know her husband is taking her by the hand and leading her out of the venue. I expect she probably broke down in tears outside. I felt like an utter shit and bewildered and completely repelled by her and so disappointed that she felt the need to try and 'address it' with me last night. Stupid thing to do. Very sad indeed.

waving have a good day out with your eldest, I hope you managed to not be coming back early for the ex.

Looking forward to those updates.

for eloquent

Sorry for the essay and for the 'me me me' but it helps to get it out and process it all....

Happy Sunday all....

Handy she sounds a nightmare. It's her issue though. Interestingly, given that she's the supposed therapist!! She can only relate to you if you're a lame duck. If you're content, strong, dating, she has to keep projecting the old dynamic back on to you. Like a tank! ''how are you?'' and ''I'm worried about yoooo'' x 4 times. Oh I can just picture it. She wasn't a therapist but I do have (well I had) an old childhood friend who was genuinely very good to me when I was depressed and down but when I got my shit back together she didn't / couldn't interact with me like equals.

Blimey, I hope he gets an anti tetanus or anti biotics or something. I remember my friend got back from puket or somewhere and showed her local gp the anti-biotics she'd been given over there and the gp was shocked at the dosage. I think it would have cured a herd of cows of brucellosis!

waving I'd take the children back so he can go to the football match and say ''you owe me one"

nobody can reason with my x, it's all a big game of chess, kaspov and karparov. It used to be like kaspov and joey essex but I've got a bit better

This is my twenty dollar arm chair psychologist certificate, but handy's friend does show a huge lack of self-awareness for a therapist. Does she have a spot of that rescuer syndrome going on? I know a few people tried to ''rescue'' me over the years and they get very irritated with you (and depending on how involved they are in your life, bordering on abusive and manipulative themselves) if you don't 1) perceive them in the light they perceive themselves and 2) show gratitude for their rescuing & 3) accept all of their advice as gospel and act on it, immediately.

I had one man twenty years older than I am attempt to rescue me. I sensed he was a predatory abuser very early on. I rejected his attempts to rescue me and then he went down the 'slur campaign' route. He saw himself as very 'aware' though. He was in his ass. He is still hovering over vulnerable types. Feeling good about all the 'advice' he can offer.

Sorry. Big tangent.

Hi y'all!

Mmmh looks like some loo updates are going to be turned in late today..haha

Handy much like 314, I too used to have a "friend" like that. Almost like she was living off the pain and sadness I was experiencing. Looking back she was just like Harry Potter's dementor! She was so sick and twisted that every time I was doing better she would go out of her way to make me feel worthless and shit again so that she could "be there for me". Then I had a lightbulb moment and cut her off completely. She whined for a while and started a "Jolly has lost the plot" campaign among our common friends but I explained she was toxic to me and stayed strong. I now treat her like an acquaintance. I even holidayed with the entire group of friends and it was fine. I think it has sunk in that I am not her kind of prey anymore. Handy if you do cut your very own dementor off, which is the healthy thing to do, be aware she will hang on to you for a while. In my case it lasted 8 months before she stopped trying to make contact and send sappy letters. Stay strong, ultimately you will be amazed at how much easier it is to be happy without those people around!!!

Waving I am just catching up but it looks like Soho does have to work some things through if he booked the "finding himself" trip. Inviting you to come along would be a little red flag for me as it is a bit like recognizing you need to work on some stuff but then burying head in the sand. Whatsapping you is not quite he came there to do, maybe it would be good for both of you to agree to talk again when he is back.

Eloquent I am really sorry and thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok all things considered. When you are ready please flag the asshole to the dating sites. And the police if you feel like it.

My iPad is not being cooperative so I will have to do this catch up in several posts.. Sorry about that