Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Yeah, awake a couple of times. Up now, and ready for the weekend

Can we have a weekend dating roll call? I'm out tonight.

I'm so bloody excited about seeing Teach tonight that I'm up ridiculously early. I'm trying to work out if it's okay to jump him in my hallway or at least let him get into the living room first.

I do understand the 'not wanting to get hurt' thing, I'm terrified of getting hurt again, but it would never stop me getting involved. But I do have to try and take it slowly. But I've always been an 'all or nothing' kind of gal so I can see all my good advice going out the window.

I do understand the 'not wanting to get hurt' thing, I'm terrified of getting hurt again, but it would never stop me getting involved.

Definitely this. I mean, what's the alternative? I am a fan of taking things slowly though.

What are your plans for tonight?

Morning all

Wow, this thread got deep last night.

waving. I'll be totally honest, what soho has said would put me off/ make me back off. I've had a few friends in the situation that a man has said something along these lines to them. They've ticked along quite happily for however long when he's turned round (seemingly out of the blue) and said we're over. Cue devastation. When pressed on why, the answer has been 'I told you from the start I didn't want a relationship'.
If one of these guys said that to me and I was falling for them I would seriously pull back and think about things. I'm not saying I'd end it. But I may well do.
Because if he's saying he'll be faithful and he wants to see you and he's not scared of falling in love. What does 'the all' actually mean? In my book fidelity, love and being together is a relationship.
I'm just saying, this would worry me. He's given you his out for the future before it's even started. Hmmmm. I think I'm pretty fucking awesome. I don't want someone to play their escape card at the start.
(Disclaimer: my walls are unbelievably high post STBXH shenanigans so I recognise that I am too guarded).

gast hall is fine! Glad you're excited!

sothat it means he would rather grab whatever is there to make do as opposed to happily be alone, enjoy his own company and wait for the right person he has chemistry with.
It also indicates that he is someone incredibly insecure and emotionally week IMO.

red ok. Do you feel ready to DTD with him yet? What are you thinking?

No dates for me this weekend. DC's going to their dads today. I had a girls night out planned but have woken up with a horrible sore throat. Pyjamas and TV for me!

yeah, I am sassy when the timing's right. Why'd you ask?

I am scared of getting hurt too. That feeling of having the rug ripped from under you...
but like sassy says, not so scared i wont try ...

red then don't wear the grey knickers

waving it's a shitty position to be in and I don't envy you. I'm sure there are many examples of relationships starting like this and people have now been married for 30 years. The flip side is that there are examples of people using this 'get out of jail free card' upfront to justify what turns out to be really shitty and horrible behaviour. In their minds they've told you this isn't their all. They then indulge in lots of behaviour that indicates the total opposite. Then wonder why the histrionics when they call time.

Ha ha! I'm going for the red lace.

Tanya is seeing Bee?!!

Torture when you want clarification waving but id wait til he gets back and you are face to face. Then you have the advantage of being able to read his face as he answers whatever reasonable questions you ask.
im not even looking at whatsapp. What"s the point. I could see if h mrssaged and he hasnt. Ive had two boring messages just stating his location basically and i sent back three quick jokey comments from the pub with my friend last night. If there is one thing he is not, it's boring, so i feel like texting me might be a task that he is trying to make himself do.
My friend boosted my confidence last night. We had good chats about life plans, savings accounts, mortgages, men, cars, interviews, old colleagues

Feel so much better after talking to a woman :-p

So from now on i dont look at whatsapp unless i get a message. No more casually glancing over old messages or clocking who is on line.

waving in your shoes I would have zero compunction about lining up other irons. Unless you've actively told him you have come off dating apps? In which case, hmmmmm....
Don't raise this again until you're face to face is my advice.

Ladies. I also read the workaround on reading whatsapp messages without sending the two blue ticks.....who wants it?

red glad to hear it!

Is Tanya seeing bee?

Yes, no point asking him to nail his colours to a particular mast when he is away!

If you say to him though that you dont want to get hurt either but you know you will cope with a mere breakup at this point in your life i think it shows your strenghth and independence and also maybe slightly calls 'bullshit' on the I Dont Want To Get Hurt chorus. Of course not. Who does...... in your shoes I think Id say to soho that you want somebody who is certain about you, you want somebody who is brave enough to try..
that's all anybody can ask for at the beginning but i want somebody who is brave enought to risk a bump in the road.
Im going to kondo kitchen cupboatds now. That will take my mind off men!

Waving just quickly because I've got to go out. If it doesn't make you feel good stop. This is the very beginning, you should be feeling amazing about this man/maybe relationship and smiling from ear to ear.
I don't get that you are feeling all 'unicorns & rainbows' right now....Oh whatever else you feel when you are smitten with the right guy who makes you feel special.

In their minds they've told you this isn't their all. They then indulge in lots of behaviour that indicates the total opposite. Then wonder why the histrionics when they call time.

^^ this times a million.

After a couple of lacklustre texts from Cufflinks last night, I'm feeling distinctly 'meh' about him! It's bollox I think. I'm just worth more, I really am.

I have raging hormones and want to sleep with a lovely man. Badly. Hence why I considered fwb as potentially viable. But, I want to do it with a man who is emotionally open with me. That's the sexiest thing actually. The guy I was in a relationship with for 11months last year was emotionally mature and open and into me. The sex was awesome. And it's worth waiting for that.

Poor Waving I hate that he's making you feel like that. Feel very protective of you! And tbh having a 'frank conversation' about this won't happen. Because what he says doesn't really stack up (see quote above) so trying to resolve it seems futile - emotionally there's a part of them that's not healthy.

eloquent hope you had a nice date.

gast I am excited about your excitedness. May I suggest 'hallway'? also red have a super time tonight.

tanya is lunching with Bee this week I think

I was messaging a lovely chap on Bumble last night at 01:30h after returning from being called out at 1900h. Love my job though. It's all good.

Not too worried about the party. There'll be lots of friends there and if it gets awkward I'm just going to get on the dance floor...

You know what, I'm just thinking what would my therapist say about Soho. She would say that if he is flip-flopping about his terms, and playing his exit card at the start, then he already is hurting - there's something about himself that needs sorted and until that happens you'll be having a relationship with a wounded soul marked WORK IN PROGRESS.

After being in longterm abusive relationships we do deserve rather more. That's the whole point, right?

Sorry. A bit deep there