Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

I believe the bloke is in a small apartment so Ive just suggested a storage unit to Husha. I think my brother and his wife store there unseasonal clothes and some belongings in one and it cost about 60 pounds a month.

Kirk - Im glad you had a night out. And it really is always best to go to these kind of things cos you never know you may just really go on to have a great time. But if you stay home you'll never know what you might have missed out on. xxxx

Hi Louisa,
I am trying not to let him dictate my agenda.
I have a garage. The thing is you do not know him
and if I put his things somewhere that they get damp he will go mad.
I know people are telling me I am being too nice but that is me and I have still not got my angry pants on!
I have just taken the dogs to and it is a lovely day. Unfortunately I had to clean one up as she had a bit of a 'problem'. I get all the best jobs! Not easy on your own. Needed another pair of hands!
Enjoy your Sunday xx

Hi notonyur. Thanks for your suggestion xx

Hello there Hush what a charmer he is. Like the storage unit idea. I think it's hard to go back in your bedroom if his stuff is in the drawers and cupboards etc. i don't really believe in Feng Shui but I do buy into the idea that stuff can weigh you down just by being there - does that sound dippy? Does your oldest son still have a lot of stuff in his bedroom? Is there some space there for your husband's stuff? I really am going out in the garden today!

And another thing - I see we've got to page 39! i know I keep saying this but I think that slowly, slowly you are a little better and stronger. I hope you are going to make another thread - maybe it will feel like another step on the road. What will you call it? ...

Hello Chicon,
No you do not sound dippy at all!
Our whole house is full up. Especially where things were not put back up after the building work.
I have really got to get ruthless with some of it. As I have a lot of stuff too.
I hope you make it into the garden today.
I hope I am a little better and stronger. But a certain person always seems to come along and knock be back, as he did again this week.
Do you think I ought to start another thread? Not sure what I would call it?
Do you think my MN friends would follow me? Sorry to sound so needy!xx

Hello Hush,
Hope that today has been OK?
It's not easy to get on top of things - especially when you've has such a traumatic experience as you have. You will get your angry pants on - when you're ready! It's a lovely quality being kind and caring and it often sits uncomfortably with us to be otherwise. Sadly it's necessary in order to stand up for ourselves in situations like this.
I can see a difference since you started this thread. maybe you could start a new 'moving forward' type thread?
Re the stuff! It's easy to feel overwhelmed by stuff all around you. And I am NOT from the 'minimalist' generation. But there is something in clearing space and looking around you at some nice things that you enjoy. I think that's why I've been going on about your bedroom and creating a pleasant space that's just yours. Easy to say I know but difficult to do.
Small steps, small steps...

xxx

Hello Louisa,
This afternoon has been okay. I had a long conversation with my sister, which helped. I admitted to her that I am really lonely.
I am so used to doing everything for my husband and my sons. All I seem to have left is my dogs. Conversation with them is a little limited.Although they do not answer back! I know that he is with the OW again and it hurts so much but there is nothing I can do about that.
This has been really traumatic for me. One of my MN friends put it in context this morning. I have got to accept that he is not going to show any kindness or positive emotion towards me.
I know that I need to toughen up but it is not easy for me.
Maybe I will start a 'moving forward' type thread.
I went into my bedroom and looked in the bottom of my husbands wardrobe I threw out empty bags and shoe boxes that he had left and combined shoes etc into bags to cut down the space taken and so they are easy to move.
Even if I just do a bit at a time. I am also going to put some items on Ebay.
Thanks for all your support.
Have a nice evening xxx

Hush, you seem like such a kind and thoughtful woman. I agree with a PP who said that you are getting stronger as time passes.

If you start a new thread, I will definitely still post to offer any support you may need (even if the vast majority of my posts are vacuous drivel!)

Thank you WTAFF. Thank you for your continued support. Please do not put yourself down xx

Yes to a new thread! of course we will come too! Yes I did get into the garden. Here in Brussels we have a large courtyard with a couple of big beds and lots of pots. I tidied up one of the beds and was so proud of beautiful deep purple crocus I planted last year. Also carefully inspected plants in pots including several apparently killed by frost. Well, I found lots including several lovely geraniums and a fuchsia with very tiny green leaves just showing. So I made labels for all of them (so other people would not throw them out by mistake) and all my labels said "Survivor!" Thats you too Hush!

Thanks Chicon. I am glad you got into the garden and you were able to do some tidying up and make some labels. I am glad that your deep purple crocus have come up. Thank you for saying I am a survivor.
I will give some thought to starting a new thread.
I wish I was in Brussels. Do you like it there? Do you like Belgian Beer?
I hope you have a good weeK? Are you off on your travels again?

Take care xx

Husha, if you start another thread don't worry about us not posting- because we will.

And well done on starting the clear up operation

Im going to Dubai today, just for an over night stay, to get one of the medications my son uses that isn't available here at home.

Im also going to do a bit of shopping with my daughter, she's been going to the gym and she now looks like completely different person. Her whole body as changed even though she only lost about 4 kilos and she was never overweight pre losing the 4 kilos. Her husband is a Dr with a secondary interest in sports medicine so he sorted out a work out for her and hey presto. He's looking rather buff as well. And I think thats this generations 'love is' - going to the gym together. So its new clothes for her, and hopefully some new ones for me to take on my trip to Italy just 7 weeks from now. Im going with my pal who I only see once a year due to our geography. We met here at home about 30 years ago but she left the expat life a very long time ago. Anyway she liked hearing about my adventures so she said - Im coming on your next one! She's 70 a few days before we leave and her family have organised a surprise party for her before we go. Its going to be great. She has no idea what we're doing on the holiday apart from attending a papal audience one morning as she wants it all to be a surprise. I knew she has a certain amount of faith, unlike me, so I thought to myself when in Rome do as the Romans do - so I asked her would you like to do this? She immediately said yes and as she's just lost her mum last year Im hoping it will be of comfort for her. And as for me, ah well, once a Catholic, always a Catholic - even when you're not. But truth be told Im looking forward to it as well.

Will see you on your other thread in a couple of days.

xxxx

Morning Hush. Did you sleep well?

I Am just up and dreading today. I've got loads to do at work and am booked onto a lunchtime metafit class. I'm not sure I can cope!

Do you have any exciting plans for today? Xx

Good Morning notonyur.
I am glad you will come with me when I start a new thread.
I did not do a lot of tge clear up yesterday but I did start!
Enjoy your trip to Dubai with your daughter.
Well done to your daughter for losing weight, toning up and looking great.
I hope you enjoy the shopping trip together and find what you are both looking for.
Good to hear that you are off to Italy with your pal soon. I hope you have a great time. How exciting going to see the Pope. I am sure it will be a very uplifting experience and a comfort to your friend after the loss of her Mum.
Enjoy Dubai.
xx

Don't forget me in our new thread , oh no I took my grandma to Rome for a papal blessing ( the German Pope) Rome is my favourite place as for me once a catholic now a divorced catholic 🙈 I am looking into getting my marriage of 25 years annulled through my diocese Pope Francis has made this easier for people who did not asked to be divorced . Then when I want to get married again I can in a Catholic Church as if !!!! Enjoy Dubai my favourite shopping holiday , tax free clothes ❤️ The sun is shining today and Spring is coming I feel positivity coming on xx

Good morning. I'll tag along too if that's ok.

Good morning WTAFF.
I slept okay thanks.
I have just walked the dogs. It us lovely out. They still have muddy paws though!
I hope you get through your busy day okay.
I cannot go very far today as I am waiting for a few calls.
Probably an ideal day to get some clearing out done.
xx

Good Morning Kirk.
I am not going to forget you in the new thread.
Glad you got to take your Grandma to Rone to see Pope Benedict.
I hope that if you want to seek annulment from the Catholic Church that it will be passed.
One thing I thought of though is how would your son and daughter feel about that?
The sun is shining here too. Let's hope spring helps with the positivity.
At least we got through the weekend!
Have a good day xx

Good morning Pisco. Of course it is Okay for you to tag along!
Have a good day xx

HI All,
I have started my new thread. I hope to see you there soon?

Xxx

Hi hush , I have asked them and they say it doesn't mean anything to them as they were loved throughout our marriage , but if it helps me great , good thinking though hush if I hadn't already thought of it I should have xxx

Hi Kirk,
I am glad you have asked them.
It was just a thought I had. I hope you did not think I was interfering?
I have moved over to my new thread. See you there soon.
Have a good day xxx

How do I find your new thread ??? No you are not at all interfering , help I need to find the thread lol