Hello all, this conversation about the similarities and differences between experiences, and mothers, has made me think about my mum (who is in her 80s). She believes that if you are a good person, and you are always unselfish and treat other people kindly, lovingly and supportively, then somehow you will get your just reward in life. I think she was brought up lovingly but strictly in days where girls were given the message that they should always be "unselfish" which I think meant "putting others before yourself" and "not ever pushing to get what you want/need."
This hasn't always worked out, to say the least! She has been left sad and disappointed because so many things in her life haven't worked out the way she would have liked, and she hasn't got the rewards she thought would come for her good behaviour (instead, people took advantage.).
What am I trying to say? I still believe that being considerate of others, not having the feeling that you can trample on others to get your own way, is essential in life and, it is immoral to treat others like they exist to meet your own needs.
But what I've learned in my own life is that my mum's recipe doesn't make you happy. You need to treasure people who think that what YOU need and want is important, and who don't love you only if you do everything for them and suppress yourself to the point where you hardly know what you do want because no-one has ever asked what that is. Many of us have been brought up to think that doing everything for others is the right thing - unfortunately, there are men out there who for whatever reason have arrived at adult life with the sense that they are entitled to have someone do everything for them and are even quite grateful for it, and to the person who provides it, until they need something else.