Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

How are you Hush?

I'm busy painting the kitchen - I've been on with this for about a fortnight and never seem to get any further forward!

Xx

Hello WTAFF.
I am okay thank you. I went to the doctor but still no AD.
I hope your painting goes well and that you make some progress.
xx

Hi Hush hope you are OK after your visit to the doctor X

Hi Chicon,
Thanks for your message. The doctor was very kind and supportive but still no AD. I hope you are okay?xx

Hi there Husha,

It always makes a difference when your Dr is kind.

And its good if they think you're not depressed because it means you can motivate yourself to do things like have a clear out etc, or get your bedroom sorted out, knowing its you who stopping yourself from doing it and not depression.

Im not sure how that last bit sounded to be honest but it was meant in a better way than it appears

Hi notonyur,
Thanks for your message.
You are right it always makes a difference when your doctor is kind.
We discussed counselling as that is what she thinks will be good for me.
She told me after the way I have been treated she can understand why I am so upset. She said it is really important for me to look after myself.
If I feel myself going under at any point to go straight back to her.
How is your toe? Is it any easier?

Xx

Good Morning all.

I had a bad night again last night.
It is because it has been freshed up again after his visit yesterday.
I wanted to say so much to him but I didn't.
I remained calm throughout and it helped to have company.
He is a stranger now though!
How can these men be like this?

Have a good day xx

That sounds like a great discussion with the doc and a very clear invitation to come back any time, which is always reassuring. I'm OK but having a really silly week - I came to London, went back, I'm here again and have to go back again this evening, partly to see my not very kind doctor! There's exciting news from my DS - he's changed his plans and won't be leaving the country in June. I'm playing it very cool and assuring him that we will support him whatever he does but of course I'm really happy about it!

Morning , well it's the bloody 1 year abandoned day , this time last year I was getting up from work with no idea that at 5.45pm my world would change forever ! I am having therapy at 4pm with work as I do every week ! I have survived the year , but like hush he is a stranger to me ! My whole physical being has messed up never mind my mental health , do you know what he said to me this week , if you had done this to me I would of moved on by now !!! Bastard of course he would he would of needed sex not waited like me to try and heal , struggling today my mn friends 😢

if you had done this to me I would of moved on by now

Dont beat yourself up because I suspect he would have more than likely moved on by now because he has very shallow emotions - that is, there's no depth to what he experiences emotionally so there isn't much to move on from in his head or his heart.

Im sorry today is proving very hard. xxx

Wise words not , I hadn't thought of it like that he is not emotionally intelligent at all ! I have enough emotion for all the bloody uk though lol

Hello Chicon,
My you are busy. Do they do kind of Air miles for the Eurostar?
Good luck with the Doctor.
I am so glad your DS has changed his plans. Good that you are playing it cool eventhough you would like to jump for joy!
Take care xx

chin up kirk my lovely, the "first" anniversaries are the hardest, next year will be easier I promise you. I also had the "move on" speech from my ex, only a few weeks after he left! Wish he'd have "moved on" over the nearest cliff tbh, these men have no empathy and no clue at all.

They become strangers because it's easier for them to detach that way, emotional robots, I call them. I'm fine so you must be as well, deluded dickheads aren't they?

Hi Kirk.
I hope that you have got through your day the best you could.
You deserve so much better than him.
He is not you. You have feelings and it is not easy to move on when you really love someone and they have abandoned you for someone else.
Please try and keep your chin up.
Thinking of you xx

Thank you all for your kind words , I have been ok, not even cried but I did write him a 5 page letter and posted our silver wedding photo album to him , no response no idea why that is ladies ! Prick not even a text to say sorry !

Hi Kirk,
Glad you have been ok. He did not respond as he feels that he has not done anything wrong. Men or at least certain men think this is just what they are entitled to do. Nevermind the heartbreak they leave behind.
You really need to look after yourself.
Take care xx

Prick not even a text to say sorry

Kirk, I think its time to stop looking for the responses you want because he can't give you them. You're only hurting yourself. I know because I used to do it as well. Text after text after text because I had so much to say to him - about him. Well that is I'd be trying to explain how I felt but in the long run I really was teaching him about how he should be feeling and understanding things. It doesnt work. And one of the first things my therapist said to me was - stop the texting. So I did. And it was a good thing for me because we send these texts/letters and all it does is open up Pandoras box and we're left thinking about others things the texts etc have brought up in our mind - or we get hurt and angry they didnt respond. The we get hurt and angry we sent it all in the first place.

Yes not I have just took a big breath and I understand what you mean entirely , I am looking for a response and omg it hurts when I don't get one , what I am thinking why do all these men have the same behaviours ??? I keep trying to rescue him like I am his mother ?? Oh I am going to have to stop texting but it's like I am obsessed with making it better for who I am not sure ??? I know deep down I want him to end it with her and then I have won the pick me dance , but I don't want him but img I want to win it , I want my kids to get their dad back but I can't control it and I like control its what I thrive on !!! Thanks not I appreciate your honest advice , please continue to impart help to me , I need true support as you have been through it xxx

Hi notonyur and Kirk,

I hope that you will both have a good day.
I did send e mails to my dh saying how I felt.
I have not done that since January.
I have wanted to. I have even typed the e mails but deleted them instead of sending.
Yesterday I wanted to send him one to tell him how I felt, but that is no good as he is not interested in how I feel. He knows what I am like and he knows he has virtually destroyed me. He does not care,all he cares about is himself and the OW.
I think they deserve one another.
I got through his visit on Wednesday and then him coming back again yesterday was just too much for me. I cried and cried my eyes were so sore.
How can they just walk away and leave you so upset? The man that you shared over 30 years of your life with, just flicks a switch and that's it, no more feelings. No thought for me or our sons.
He is a stranger.
It is so hard to bear but I know that many have done it before and have got through it and come out the other side.

Sending texts Kirk and waiting for a response is not hurting him only you!
You deserve so much better. Chin up and I hope you have a good day.
Xxx

You both deserve much better Hush and Kirk.

It's just going to take some adjustment Hush but given time, I know things will get much better. Baby steps!

Take care. Xx

Thank you WTAFF.
I hope you are right. It is so hard at the moment.
I know it was far from a perfect life but it is all I know.
Sorry here come the tears again xx

Oh, hello there Hush here are some for you. I really do think you are strong to have got through this week somehow. xxx

Well ladies got a sorry reply and a text saying he misses me , and has the letter 6 times , do I feel better no , do I feel sad not really , I am digging very deep not to communicate now and move on and enjoy my own life . Doesn't that sound easy ? Well I know only I can do it myself now with your support , on line dating here I might come ??? Maybe not just yet lol

Hi Chicon,
Thank you for your message and my flowers. I do not feel very strong at the moment. I feel very lonely. Sorry to be so negative. I hope you got on okay at the doctor? Have a nice weekend xxx

Hi Kirk,
At least you heard from him. I think it is good if you do not communicate with him. Nothing is easy about any of this. You will move on when you are ready. Only you will know when that feels right.
I hope you have a nice weekend.
Take care xxx