Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

Hello Hush just spotted your thread in Active, and thought I would pop in to see how you are.

I'm sorry that you've had a couple of tearful days and are feeling low.

I know what you mean about feeling destroyed, me too really.

My GP did give me ADs but I only took them for about a week, they made me feel as though I was in a tiny boat on a huge rough sea, and I was afraid I would fall downstairs and being on my own, be stranded. They were the lowest dose too.

I'm about to make dinner, risotto I think, and will have a G&T. Maybe a Friday night glass of wine would cheer you up a little?
chin chin to both of us, and all the lovely women on your thread.

Hello Allalonenow it is good to hear from you.
Sorry you feel destroyed too.
I feel low tonight and very lonely.
Sorry that the ADs did not work for you.

I hope you enjoy your risotto and your G&T. I may have a glass of wine in a minute. I had a glass of port earlier. I had a couple of sausage rolls that I made earlier. 🍸🍷chin chin to both of us and all the other lovely ladies on my thread xxx

Ohh! I love a glass of port, I bet I've got some in the cupboard under the stairs

I know i don't have any sausage rolls though, but I do keep bits in for instant aperos when the mood takes me.

Are your boys coming home for Easter? That's not too far off now.

Ooh! I love a glass of port. I've probably got some in the cupboard under the stairs.
I know I don't have any sausage rolls though, but I do keep bits in for instant aperos when the mood takes me.

Are your boys coming home for Easter? That's not too far off now.

Take care.

Sorry for the double post, don't know how I did that.

How's things Hush? Have you had an ok evening?

What are your plans for the weekend? Xx

Hi again Allalonenow.
I like port but not too much as it gives me a headache.
I hope you enjoyed your dinner?

I expect one of my sons will be home for Easter. The other one will probably be home for the Easter weekend. We shall see.

Do you have anything planned?
Take care X 💐

Hi WTAFF my evening was okay thanks.
Not sure what I am doing over the weekend yet?
What about you? How is the painting going?
Goodnight xx

Hush - the painting is never ending. I'm going brown to white so each surface were four coats of paint. I actually wish I'd never started!

I am going to try and get it finished this weekend. Then I can make a start on the wallpaper.

I haven't got any exciting plans this weekend other than painting. David Tennant is on Any and Dec's Saturday Nighy Takeaway so I will make sure to watch that!

Hope you had a good nights sleep?

Good Morning WTAFF.
Sorry the painting is never ending. I am sure it will be worth it when it is finished.
Will watch Ant and Dec tonight.
I had quite a good nights sleep. The trouble is I wake up at the same time every morning. It is asthough an alarm clock goes off in my head!

At least it is dry outside for dog walking.

Take care xx

Hello all, I went out to take a look at the garden this afternoon, and I really meant to go back and do some more work but I'm afraid Im just lying on the sofa again. Hush, it's great you are getting some good sleep even if you keep waking early. Now ... What about your bedroom?

To early for the garden chicon , have a rest , I am off to a hen party tonight !!! I need to go like a hole in my head , giggling women talking about bloody marriage and their lovely husbands , I will put my best smile on a nice dress with a big cleavage and I might even "cop off" lol 🙈

Hello Chicon,
I hope you are feeling relaxed after lying on the sofa?
Yes I am getting some good sleep thank you.
My dh took some more things this week but there is still a lot here. I moved some more of his stuff out of our room(my). I will gradually get there.
Have a nice evening xx

Hello Kirk,
I hope you enjoy yourself tonight even though you may not feel like it.Dress up and make yourself feel good xx

Good evening Hush.
Glad to hear that you're sleeping better. And that you're getting a bit of clearing out done. Maybe a few trips to the tip??
Hope that Sunday is a good day.

Good evening Louisa,
Thank you for your message.
It is good to get some sleep.
i expect there is some stuff that could go to the tip!
Sunday is always a problem for me.
I hope you are having a good weekend? xx

Husha , how about you just go into your room with a bin bag, suitcase, or large travel bag and pack your husbands stuff up for him. There can't be that much of it unless your bedroom's the size of St Pauls Cathedral and a couple of hours should do it. Then when you've done that you can go round the rest of the house.

Just get it over and done with because there really is no need to be dragging it out and if you're getting pleasure from dragging it out then all the more reason to be changing that. Im going to be very careful how I say this because the last thing I want to do is hurt you, anyone going through this heartache, but there can be a certain sense of (confused) enjoyment gained from our upset. It can be pleasurable to be the woman not coping to the extent she can't bare to clear out his things etc etc etc. But who the blazes wants to be that woman? Especially when its highly likely your husband is being a massive bastard and is enjoying dragging this out the way he is. It really is far better to be woman who packs his stuff up and has it ready for him at the door the next time he comes round. Jeez, you could even send it to where he is living now. Get a man with a van.

The bottom line is that showing these men that they're being mourned does absolutely nothing. Showing them you're heartbroken means nothing. They just do not get it! But taking control of at least one part of this will make you feel tons better. And it matters not a jot what he makes of it. He can in fact think what he likes!

Husha, get proactive today! Turn your Sunday around and make it a good one for you!

xxxx

I need to go like a hole in my head , giggling women talking about bloody marriage and their lovely husbands

Thats the done thing at a Hen Party. Its par for the course. The reality is that some of the women there are unhappy but just going along with all of the others in their loved up state on a Hen Night.

I hope you had a good time.

Oh not I do love your good solid advice you make so much sense , I enjoyed hen party and no one talked about their husbands at all lol ( that was in my head ) I also got to the stage when I was enjoying mourning and having pity parties so I fully understand your advice to hush. I got rid of his clothes after 2 weeks ( 2 wardrobes was nice for my clothes 😀) I am doing no contact now and feeling stronger , eating healthier and using every bit of strength I have to move on ! You are so reassuring and kind in your threads whilst always being honest . Thank you

Good morning Hush,
Hope that you slept well?
I hope 'our plans' for your Sunday don't sound too exhausting?
A few hours of bagging and binning and then a bit of retail therapy on Monday for that new bed linen and accessories to turn your bedroom into your own haven. xxx

Hi notonyurjellybellynelly.
There is still a lot of his stuff in our/my room and in the other bedrooms. There is nothing actually 'out' in our room though.
I have started moving some more things out. I am not sure when he is coming back again. I am also hoping both my sons will come home over the Easter so I do not want to clutter up their rooms anymore than they already are!
I stayed really calm when he came to collect his stuff last week.
I know what you are saying but I am not enjoying any of this.
I just want the pain to end.
Him coming back again the next day was the thing that finished me and knocked me right back again.
I am trying to sort and pack up his stuff.
Xx

Hi Kirk. I am glad that you enjoyed the hen party.
I hope you have a good Sunday xx

Good morning Louisa,
I was up really late but I did get some sleep thank you.
I will try and do some sorting today.
I have to get the dogs out soon.
I will get some retail therapy this week for new bedding etc.
Have a good day xx

Hush, It sounds as if you are letting him dictate your agenda. This isn't about when he will come back again and take some more of his things.
This is about you making yourself a pleasant space that is yours and in order to do that, you need to clear his things out.

I understand how frozen we can be in the face of such pain and loss. But there seriously is no alternative. Is there a garage, cellar, anywhere where you can dump place his bags of things where you don't have to look at them every day?

Ooops Hush- cross posted. And yes, the sun is up and it looks like a good moment to go for a brisk walk! xx