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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Aibu to be upset and shocked by this??

270 replies

livingtowork · 09/01/2016 22:11

I'm staying at my boyfriend of 4 years and I've come on, I usually have more stuff with me but I wasn't expecting it until Monday so when he said he was popping to the shop to get sweets for his kids I asked if he could get me some tampons - he said he's never bought them in his life and never would - even for me!!! Its a crap area so he'd rather me walk myself to go and get them, his 12 yr old daughter said she would go with me but ffs, its tampons and this is the 21st century - I feel so sorry for his 2 daughters (although I am sure he would go and get what they needed!!) Feel like shit right now with a was of bog roll in my pants!!!! :-( :-(:-(

OP posts:

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 09/01/2016 22:41

My daddy is old fashioned but also lovely and he once bought a 12 yr old me every option of sanitary product in tesco when I came on unexpectedly!
My DP buys me whatever I need and ask for in that department, with no embarrassment!

Mrsfluff · 09/01/2016 22:41

Neither my husband or my Dad have never had a problem buys g tampons or sanitary towels. My husband struggles with the vast array of options though

HeffalumpTrap · 09/01/2016 22:41

I'm not sure I like being included in your category "the lot of us". Maybe he can wipe the floor with you, as you put it. But I don't think it seems that we have very much in common except both being on a parenting website.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/01/2016 22:41

Will he at least go with you so that you aren't going out on your own?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 09/01/2016 22:41

Yet another example of pervasive misogyny that even some women just blindly accept. Periods are not something to be embarrassed about. They are a natural bodily function.

I wonder if these men feel the same way about condoms, or tissues and hand lotions.

ReadyPlayerOne · 09/01/2016 22:41

I expect I would also be upset and shocked OP. My DH has never baulked at buying any sanitary products for me.

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 09/01/2016 22:42

Surely a man buying san pro is just signalling 'I have a woman in my life'? Why is that bad? Ohhh.... I guess to the kind of man who wishes to appear unattached it could be an issue?

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 09/01/2016 22:42

I sent my DH for sanitary products before. He came back with a packet of Tena Lady as he froze and picked up the first likely looking packet. He's got better since then, mainly as he realised he looked stranger buying ladies incontinence products than some Always. It's not a sign of masculinity to fear tampax.

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2016 22:42

"Yes I do look up to him. He's got one, one little flaw and you think he's a terrible human being?"

No- i's your description of him "wiping the floor" with people, and "catching people out" and "one clever point" that makes me .

ReadyPlayerOne · 09/01/2016 22:44

On reflection, even my dad who is a knob about many things was always happy to go and buy sanitary products and chocolates when my mum, sister and I were in need.

firesidechat · 09/01/2016 22:44

Meh. DP won't, nor would my dad. Wanna tell my dad to grow up Darth? He'd laugh in your face.

How pathetic Milk. It doesn't make you less of a man to buy some tampons. I think growing up is definitely called for.

My husband would do it without a thought, although he would ask for strict instructions on make and type first.

HackAttack · 09/01/2016 22:47

Milk, are you 11? I think that's the last time anyone said 'Ill get my dad on to you!' I'm intrigued, tomorrow phone your dad and prove us all wrong with his reason that buying sanitary products would harm a man in some way.

OP I think the seriousness of this depends on his all round behaviour. If it is isolated, try and talk to him about it. For example what someone else said, what if you were ill? See if you can reason about it.

mintoil · 09/01/2016 22:49

Good God - LTB. Seriously. Pathetic.

ghnocci · 09/01/2016 22:49

I don't usually rush to post LTB but I would seriously be rethinking things if a DP refused to buy me tampons. Under any circumstances, but especially if I'd just come on and needed them there and then. Absolutely dreadful behaviour.

DH has bought them for me and I'm sure my dad would if I ever needed to ask him to. Because, you know, he's a decent person.

Milk your father doesn't sound too bright at all I'm afraid.

EBearhug · 09/01/2016 22:49

he would ask for strict instructions on make and type first.

That's not unreasonable. I was buying sanitary pads earlier today, and I was confused at all the different makes and options. Not to mention the near impossibility of finding ones which aren't scented. So if someone with 3 decades of menstrual experience struggles with this, it's no wonder men get confused.

PegsPigs · 09/01/2016 22:50

My DH stood in the supermarket taking photos of big great pads when I gave birth to make sure he got the right biggest greatest ones. On reflection I felt bad for him but not as bad as I felt having given birth a few days before and had run out already

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 09/01/2016 22:50

Milk how old is your dad?!
To be honest, it's about loving someone enough to help them when they're distressed I think!

firesidechat · 09/01/2016 22:50

Honestly Milk his disgust at buying tampons does not make him clever. A sad case maybe, but nor clever.

SoWhite · 09/01/2016 22:50

Why would anyone be with a man who wouldn't buy you tampons?

Tiggeryoubastard · 09/01/2016 22:52

Readyplayer - now there's a dad to have.
Sanitary products AND chocolate. He sounds very sensible.

Blueprintorange · 09/01/2016 22:53

This thread took an odd turn

Anyway, now that we've established that Milk's dad is bigger than any of our dads...

OP, it does sound cruel of your DP to refuse to buy you tampons, a grown man shouldn't be uncomfortable with buying something that you need. You shouldn't be forced to fold a wad of toilet paper.

I'd seriously consider whether he's a keeper.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/01/2016 22:53

I take it you don't have children together OP? My DH had to go on every type of 'emergency sanitary wear' missions after I had mine, he never batted an eye.

WTAF is his problem? So, what are you going to do? Personally, I'd call a cab, get him to stop at a shop on your way home, get a shower and clean pjs. Then id have a serious thing about being with a bell end.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/01/2016 22:55

Oh Dad's in his 70s now. Used to have a job that if he hadn't done it an awful lot of us would be dead by now. Not perfect, but good enough in his own way.

I suppose I'm just trying to say that not buying sanitary products doesn't make someone a dreadful human being who should be dumped immediately. None of us are perfect. Look at the bigger picture.

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2016 22:56

he would ask for strict instructions on make and type first."

Well, the first time, yes of course.

I needed to know what sort of razors and anti perspiriant dp preferred at first. I don't need to ask now.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/01/2016 22:56

Oh sorry - no, he's not very big and he's never hit anyone in his life ever.

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