Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

Yey hello Borntofolk no idea re flirting - will watch with interest in case anyone has any tips!

It's clearly a tried and tested method. I just don't seem to have anything between pleasant conversation, and leaping on someone... I just don't have enough practice. I would like to be able to indicate that I'm interested...if you know what I mean...

Thanks eloquent I totally agree with you! He's also been blocked on my work phone now.

Welcome to the newbies derekscat and born!!!

handy nope 2nd date

gast I'm with everyone else on this. Don't cancel your dates yet.

waving lol we have the same school of flirting.

red I like your style.

I actually have write notes down, as if I miss more than 4/5 hours on this thread, then I can't keep up .

Scarf Have yourself a good time tonight flirting at the dinner do!

Derek welcome and I just want to say, no you're not being shallow re your choices/ criteria. You're being honest with what you're looking for!

Waving I'm far from toned either (49, but as my mother keeps reminding me " you're 50 this year" - thanks mum!).

My attitude, is that even if a guy is 'well toned' if he can add to that, the fact that he's had a couple of kids, the if he were uncomplimentry, the he can sod off!

Gast don't cancel other dates, as you never know what you may have passed on! Maybe give it a couple of days, and then send an innocuous text? If you get nothing firm, then I personally would bin and not waste my energy.

On that note Sassy I laughed at the 'virtual' slap to Gast, but also good luck with the Mr French date.

Welcome Borntofolk that's a brilliant username!

Lastly... For all of my advice, I'm having a few 'wobbles' re Mr Diamond. He's done everthing right- messaging, but not too much. We have a firm date for Friday and he actually seems like a normal guy! We'd been chatting for nearly 3weeks before meeting & there were no 'flags' that waved at me on Saturday/ Sunday. Is it too good to be true?

In wavings section, seem to have lost an 'n' should say 'then' a couple of times .

Oh I hate that, mothers remind us how old we are. I had my mother asking me recently if I was peri menopausal yet. I just walked out of the room. Fgs, fuck off! My mother also hates that my hair is a good few inches past my shoulders. I should get a nice ladies 'do' at my advanced age now.

LolCustard to be fair, we did have a bit of banter, where I reminded her she's 79 years this year! It kinda shut her up . She does do the 'find a man, any man' before I die lol.

Hi folks. Been with dp (from tinder) an age now but I still read the thread. Don't cancel the other dates! You never know. I got quite into this marine years ago and nearly cancelled the dates with another possible. The marine showed his true colours soon enough but I had kept platonic dating mr second best, who then became an amazing boyfriend for a few years and though we weren't star crossed lovers I count him as my best make friend now (not dated for a decade now) and he's been a constant in my life all the way through. We live around the corner from each other now
You never know what these people will bring to your life

I think my m&d just assume that I'm too old now. They have long since given up asking. My aunts and uncles and cousins have all stopped asking. It's worse nearly. I feel like it's just taken as red that nobody would want me.

MrDiamond sounds promising! so good luck with that!

I am seeing H tomorrow but I have no idea if we're doing anything other than going out and having a succession of very pleasant evenings. I stuffed up last time we met up by letting him know that I had no other irons in the fire. But tomorrow I'm going to try and figure out if he's dating a few other people and if he is, I can't be bothered. I'm not at all competitive. He's attractive, sexy, charismatic, easy to be with , but I think he knows all of this I think that he is amongst his own biggest fans. Not in an arrogant way. But, I hate competition so if I'm in competition with other younger taller more vivacious career-driven women with fewer children, fuck it, I'll go back to pof to find somebody a bit more ordinary.

Hi everyone. New to the thread. I have dipped my toe into OLD after splitting from STBXH a year ago. There are mainly weird looking blocked on the site I'm on who have NO idea about how to take an attractive photo. However, one man stood out & so I contacted him.

We've been messaging since midday and already I have a naked torso picture & a semi hard cock in boxers shot!!! I'd like to add that I have not encouraged this or sent him anything. This is a 49 year old man!

So what do I do? The conversation was quickly pushed towards sex & having come out of a mainly sexless marriage & I'm quite nervous about the direction this convo is going in.

I've tried steering it away by asking non-sexual questions but he just pulls it right back. Is this what OLD is like? I've been out of the dating game for 17 years so maybe I'm just unprepared.

Do I tell him I'd rather not talk about how many vibrators I have after 3 hours of talking to him??

Balders74, if you are not into it, then say so and shut it down. OLD can be like this but there are some decent men out there too.

TBH, I've had some great sexting experiences with guys I've met on OLD but that's mainly been when I've met someone that I've clicked with but it's not going to work for whatever reason (i.e. too far away) and we carry on chatting and things take a turn for the sexy.... But that's both people being fully into it. An uninvited cock shot is not on.

I tend not to sext with guys I think I'll actually end up dating and have had lots of nice, friendly, respectful chats with a view to actually getting to know guys.

Hi Balders I was on your thread a year ago. Welcome!

I've never had a cock shot but they aren't uncommon.

You can block and delete/report these losers. No obligation whatever to engage on that level.

Don't be put off though. It's a numbers game and there are decent men out there.

OMG balders what sites are you guys on that that happens??? I've not had anything even close to that. Thank god realises she's a total prude

Quite honestly if you're not comfortable with it then stop the messaging. But equally if you want to see where it can go, then go with the flow.

lacoba no, it's not too good to be true. It's entirely possible that that he is a honest straightforward guy.

314 do you really like H?

Date number 2 is also confirmed. Thurs drinks after work.
So I have lunch with french do 3/4 hours work and head into another one. Nothing if not efficient me! I'm actually more looking forward to the after works thing. Banter so far has just flowed so easily. I shall put two loo updates into one on Thurs evening!

Hey Handywoman. It's not been a great year since the split other than the fact that he is not here any more. This guy is from Hello You & looked like s nice professional man. Hey ho. You live & learn.

Toosassy, I do really like him, and this always happens to me when I like somebody. I start thinking 'oh he could find somebody younger/taller/better' and I'm not competitive at all. If there's some sort of pick me contest that I've inadvertently entered, I can't be bothered. I'd walk away, sadly. He's extrovert and modestly alpha male. I didn't realise that immediately.

But look custard if this crashes and burns there'll be others. I always said, I want something easy and a bit exciting, so basically compatibility and chemistry. I don't want to go out with somebody I feel is out of my league as I'd be a nervous wreck and it wouldn't be good for my self-esteem.

Ironically, even though Bear didn't want a relationship with me, I used to think he'd be lucky to have me!!! know it

Well MrIT has just been back in contact so I think we might be on for the weekend (if I can get ex to have the boys overnight)

J1 is still keen to meet up, maybe next Friday.

I've engaged in a little on-line flirting with MrCS again....normally I wouldn't forgive the week's silence but damn he's hot!

Teach just isn't big on texting I don't think. He's showing up in my Whatsapp contacts but hasn't mentioned being on there.

That's the spirit, gast

Good work Sassy

Balders hope you and dc are doing ok, here's to some nice distraction. With minimal cock shots.

Ok, I'm going to have a go at those great catch up posts some of you do. So, since my last post.

Welcome to Born. Regarding your question about flirting my tips are:

1. Practice on safe people, such as in shops and on public transport. Think about it less as sexual and more as fun and, er, flirty.
2. Practice should include being friendly for the sake of it, paying compliments and light touches on forearms.
3. Then work up to the kind of people (age, sex, appearance) that you might actually fancy.

Good blocking sassy I like your style too

Lacoba I don't know what the answer is, but I too feel that me and MrF is too good to be true. I guess the trick is not to put them or the relationship on a pedestal?

Balders I think you should read a few dating books before getting stuck in to OLD. There's absolutely no way you should be putting up with that kind of shit if you don't like it. Who cares if he's professional or mature? He's sending you unsolicited photos and ignoring any polite overtures from you to stop. Stop being polite.

Hold your nerve gast.

Balders settle into by reading 'Getting Naked Again' by Judith Sills. It's very insightful, amusing and gets you in the right frame of mind.

Thanks! I will try those out. I've actually been trying to be more friendly generally, just cos I have a tendency to be a bit of an grumpy cow introvert, by nature. Anyway, will try to extend that and work on the compliments and touching. We did get on well on the 1st date so am hoping things will progress a bit naturally on the 2nd...when he ever suggests a date...

Have just been sent this on Facebook and it reminded me of the discussion on here the other day

http://www.dose.com/style/23354/Trying-To-Talk-Dirty-14-Hilarious-Sexting-Fails-You-Should-Definitely-Avoid?utmsource=Facebook&utmmmedium=WHFacebook&utmcampaign=Tnight

I like the idea of practising light friendly no-intent flirting.

Coming back to this thread after a few months off it.

I was dating someone (Mr NI) very on and off since summer really - I never said I was dating him but we were, slept together etc but I kept my options open as I thought he preferred more casual and now it seems to have gone off, he described me as his girlfriend and wanted me to meet his kids.

So someone who's been messaging me (more friends) I met the other week for a quick drink and then arranged to meet last Friday and I think I got stood up or we missed the meeting point (one of two nearby places).

I'm now fed up as on FB a school friend of mine has started dating the cousin of a good friend of mine, the school friend is a bit of a geek, not had a GF for ages and I keep on thinking where am I going wrong?!

I am speaking to a new guy on OKC who seems nice but I'm wondering do I give up now or try some more sites.

The one who I messaged for ages (more friends) it was almost 2 months chatting (he tried to flirt but I didn't really do that much) and back in summer I chatted to someone else again more friendly a bit flirty we met after 3 months and it was awful, no spark. Is that where I'm going wrong?! Mr NI and I met up after a week of chat, he suggested it and it's what I'd prefer generally or after a month of chat at most.

Briefly Balders sadly once men get on the sex talk that's all they want - Mr NI was a bit like that but then all girlfriend and family talk with me. I'd ignore the man who makes it about sex and pulls it back to that. Move on.

I'll read and comment on the other posts after I read them. M

Trills it doesn't take some men long though to go from nothing flirty at all to full on flirting... And then some. I find I have to be really tough with men i don't want to flirt with (by text etc) as some if you do go there they really do run with it. Some flirt lightly and for fun but I personally find they're few and far between.