Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

Yay Red

Good update red! we're going to need some new recruits to the dating thread soon I think...

I know .

Big Happy Monday to the thread!!

Hey - new recruit, that would be me then! I'm 49 and divorced with 2 DC's.

I have been seeing a lovely man with whom I am quite taken but he is a) unavailable and b) working abroad anyway. I will call him errr...Mr Unavailable. I need to find someone who is available and also, he's the only guy I've DTD with since my divorce so I really need to broaden my horizons. It's possible things will work out there but I'm not moping around waiting.

Lurked on Match briefly last year. All the messages I got were from men in their 50's & 60's. I'm not averse to early 50's (I'll be there soon) but to be frank I find very few men older than me attractive. It's not just looks and physique (though that helps - shallow moi?) it's attitude - so many of them are blooming miserable and so negative!

I did message one guy and got a response. On paper he was perfect - mid 40's, similar job to me, kids similar age, tall (ish), fit. We emailed for a couple of weeks, we had tons in common, he made me laugh, just the right amount of flirtation but when we met it wasn't there for me - no spark. I gave it a few dates but, kissing was 'meh'. Such a shame, he even sent me a lovely reply when I ended things.

At least I know there are lovely men out there but, sadly he wasn't for me.

Joined OK Cupid last night as it's free. Messaged the only man I liked the look/sound of that I matched with and had a chat over the course of the evening. He said he was about to come off the site last night so I 'caught him just in time'.

Mid 40's again, tall (basic criteria met! ), dry sense of humour, not the same immediate rapport but potential. I ended our chat, said I'd enjoyed talking to him and maybe catch him again. He replied that he'd like to chat again so I'm leaving the ball in his court now. Being cool and letting him chase me if he wants - that's what we're meant to do isn't it? I will call him Mr Aviator.

I seem to have written an essay - sorry!

Welcome Derek

Scarf well done on the Not Worrying About It. It's something I'm really working on.

Re safe sex, I had the chat with MrF last night and he's on exactly the same page as me. In the meantime I think it's pretty clear where we're heading, there's no rush and we're enjoying how things are unfolding.

Neither of us are spring chickens, but I realised yesterday that his body confidence is such a turn on. We're always being told not to worry about the cellulite and stretch marks and fat and that a man will fancy us anyway, but I realised last night that it's actually true.

Good on you scarf mmmmmm, do please update on tonight...

Welcome Derek amen to 'broadening your horizons'!! and yy to the 'had loads of rapport via email then no spark in RL' - that's pretty much the world of OLD for you!!! Don't worry about feeling that way about the older ones, I think we all feel similar - it's OK. Sounds like you're doing fine!

Am a happy bunny today - my potential FWB is back on the cards. I'm gonna meet and see how I feel, anyway. I've put lots of conditions in place and feeling comfortable about it.

Plus another lovely message from MrFlight oh so dreeeeamy....

All good.....

Can someone slap some sense into me? Am already fretting because Teach isn't much of a texter.

Gast channel your inner bitch.

You're to busy to read texts anyway, right?

Is it Friday you're seeing him?

Gast I'm about a week ahead of you. Really got needy last week worrying about this.

As suggested up thread, think about it in the same way that you would with a friend. In the meantime, keep yourself too preoccupied with your job, interests, health, MN etc to be checking your phone.

Hello everyone!!

is that better gast???

News in my world

Tree has been in touch. On my work phone. He misses me.
Date with MrFrench is set up for this week
Few others bubbling up.....

Thanks all. I'd be more relaxed if we had actually set up another date but it's all a bit in the air at the moment.

Plus I'd happily cancel my other dates so I could see him but don't know if it's too early to say that, he asked if I had other dates lined up and seemed surprised when I said i had, but stupidly I didn't ask him the same question back.

I'd be more relaxed if we had actually set up another date but it's all a bit in the air at the moment.

I set myself a deadline of five days by which point I'd ask him about date #2. It was a compromise between playing it cool and maintaining my sanity. He arranged date #2 within one day. Wait it out, it's worth it.

Anyone else tempted to take a vow of celibacy???

gast you ladies are entirely too honest!!
So a good way to answer questions like that without giving anything way / lying is to playfully retort "maybe I do maybe i don't. How would you feel about it if I did?". It has to be totally tongue in cheek/ playful and followed by a kiss for maximum effect!
I wouldn't worry about what you said though. Next time however.....

waving I've said thank you and gleaned a few more ego boosting compliments. But equally told him to leave me alone, at least for the time being. I like him too much right now for a simple drinking buddy and with him in the picture I'm not giving another bloke a chance. He's said he will delete all my numbers and that if I want to get back in contact anytime then he would love that.
If he'd been honest up front nine of this would have happened but I'm not getting past that. End of.

He's supposed to be letting me know when he's free so I've just got to wait.

I was thinking of saying something like 'if I said I was thinking of cancelling my other date, how would that make you feel' and seeing what he said...too soon, too needy?

gast you ladies are entirely too honest!!

On date #3 I said something like, "I like things simple, I'm not going to be seeing anyone else as we see how this goes".

I was thinking of saying something like 'if I said I was thinking of cancelling my other date, how would that make you feel' and seeing what he said...too soon, too needy?

It's already arranged? I'd go on the date.

gast do not repeat do not cancel any other dates! Try and hold your nerve if you can.

sassy good re French - is this a first date?

Ok so I have a potential FWB date on Saturday. Does that count? Best I can do at the moment! Can't even believe I just said that 'out loud'. We ended up chatting on the phone today. Actually very much looking forward may do nicely while I'm waiting for MrFlight to succumb to my feminine wiles

Hi everybody.
Sounds like a few good weekends! I spent yesterday drunk with my favourite people.

I've told London that I need to take some time and think. We've had a massive argument today (I've never even met this man, wtf!?) And I've realised I'm far too emotionally involved with someone who doesn't want me. That's the long and short of it. I'm secretly hoping he changes his mind, I need to get through my head that he won't. He says if he was to be in a relationship, it would be with me. I'm not hanging around anymore.

Mrtravel is very much back in touch and on top, cocky form, which I find irresistible. Bastard, haha.From what he's said, we will be meeting soon, exciting, its just sex, but my god, its going to be good!

Confirmed dates for weds and Friday this week. Hopefully keep my mind off London.

Toosassy, you delete him. He's not worth your time. He lied to you. Even if you decided to be fwb in the future, he doesn't deserve even that.

Oh, and the bitches book arrived, I'm already half way through, some is quite cringe. And she's a little contradictory at times.
Whoever said I should avoid the fox chapter, you were right... But I didn't, that was um, interesting.

And I agree to not cancelling other dates.

some is quite cringe

I agree, I can't stand the book.

Can I joint in please?

For background, I've been doing OLD for about 18 months on and off. Had a relationship last year with a lovely guy but it was complicated and he ended up calling it off. We're still friends and I still have feelings for him but know it's never going to work out so am trying to get over him by finding someone else....maybe not the best idea!

Anyway, I had a date last week with a guy I met on POF. It was a good date, I think. We went for a drink. It was a good date I think! We had lots to talk about. He was funny and seemed to find me funny too. I definitely fancied him and think he fancied me. However, I am rubbish at flirting. Rubbish! At the end of the date, he offered to walk me to my bus stop and I said no...not sure why, think I was trying to do the "independent woman" thing. And then we shook hands and said goodnight. I did message when I got home to say it was nice to meet him and he replied. Then we were messaging again today, just a nice friendly chat really. But no mention of a second date. At the end of the chat he said he had to get back to work (was the middle of the day!) and he "speak to me soon". I have to leave it up to him to get in touch now, right?

Can I have some flirting tips for the next date please? My usual technique is just get drunk and throw myself at people but I think that might scare him off...