Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

Hello again everyone

Have been reading the thread daily but haven't posted because, like red just said, I feel like a fraud as I'm not doing the whole OLD at the moment ever again with a bit of luck.

But now sassy has okay'd it I thought I'd come back on - feel I know you all better than some RL friends and you are certainly a lot more interesting than some of them.

I love it that we can just post entirely about ourselves and get lots of advice, or we can be the ones giving the and . Feels more equal than in RL somehow, iyswim.

Anyway, remember Mr Blond? Have fallen for him big time. Both profiles deleted everywhere, see him daily - lots of PDA .

Absolutely no anxieties about texting, sometimes he texts back straight away and sometimes not, just like me.

Honestly feel like I've met 'him' at last, but realise it's such early days; could easily go tits up.

Had a lot of texts now from coffee - my equivalent of Soho/Bear/Popcorn. Will post with details later, because I need some words of wisdom on how to reply.

Also had to say I love those shoes gast - at an unlofty 5'1 they are right up my street!

Happy Sunday everyone x

Welcome back Twiggy

Good luck with your date Red

Sassy like I said we never talked about any expectations after the meet,if I'm honest I thought If I dont like him,that would of been that,but I had got to really like him in the times we messaged,so id built a picture,and he dident dissapoint...
He also asked me when we chatted after my other short thing ended in November,when we were trying to arrange the meet,would I not see anyone else,which I dident???why couldent he of said this will be a one night stand,I would of known where I stood,and maybe would of played it differently,and not be feeling like I do right now..and I keep thinking if he would of really liked me there would of definitely been a second date.

Gast looking forward to update

Red, at the moment, I'm not poking the POF fire because I can only cope with one man at a time too. So we're in the same boat, except, I think a real life connection is better. It puts you a few dates ahead of my parallel five dates!

Toosassy, I'm worried he'll think I'm trying to make him jealous and that it will look really transparent. I should have said nothing about meeting strangers on the bus. It makes me sound like I'd wag my tail and go off for a drink with anybody.

Whoop whoop for the dirty avocados Twiggy!!

Dee, I don't know what to say, that sounds really shitty.

Clambers in to boat with 314

I think that the advantage is that my friend can vouch for him a bit - I know he's not married or lying about his commitments etc.

Not sure what you should do about the brothers thing. You know, I might lie about a back story such as knowing their mum really well. Or something.

Dee I think that men think that if you're happy to sleep with them immediately after meeting them that you're ok with it being a ONS But the only times I've ever slept with men really early on, back in my twenties, so a long time ago, that turned out to be that. Even if I'd thought, wow, we really hit it off! It hurts. It's shit. And, it was too soon for me anyway. So I would put off sex for a while now, and it's not a game-playing move. I just don't want to be racing along at somebody else's pace. He couldn't have been all that though, to manipulate the situation like he did.

Red, I'd love to meet somebody that way. It'd be so straightforward. I was applying very high standards to my own case last night :-p and wondering, actually, how do I know he's not in a relationship? because he told me his real name, the company he works for, his daughter's name and all of it stacks up, I think I do know that he is not obliged elsewhere iyswim. But in a perfect world it'd be nice to know all of this before you even show up on the first date!

314,you're right definitely he must of thought that I was up for it and expected nothing more.
He did play it very well though,and I'm sure he could of had a ons nearer home if that's what he was after

I think it takes a very intelligent self-aware man to override the cave man hard wiring there dee and I hope I don't seem like I'm lecturing you.

I think it's a little bit like how women are drawn to tall men, and how men are drawn to younger women. People don't always get what they're drawn to! And, logically, rationally, these things can be factored in with many other attributes but when the chips are down and the cave is open for business, I think men feel, well, I had a great night, I sowed my seed, all good, now mve on... to another field. I sound like I'm justifying crappy behaviour and I don't want to do that. I don't think men can comprehend how used it can leave a woman. I said to Bear ages ago, if there's one thing I really hate it's having sex ONCE. If it's good, I'll want to do it AGAIN.

Thank you 314,I dont feel lectured,I appreciate your comments
And yes they do think very differently to us,he can't understand why I cant remain friends,I quote you cant be hurt,we only met once.... Right

twiggy how lovely!!! How long have you been dating?

Dee I'm sorry to say but I think he sounds like a right piece of work. It isn't ok to ask you not to see other people and then tell you he himself isn't available. I know it's horrible right now, but at least he hasn't continued to lead you on. Which he absolutely could have done. Take the time to feel better, all men are absolutely NOT like this.

314 ah ok I see. How would you feel about messaging him this morning?

Where is gast???

But in a perfect world it'd be nice to know all of this before you even show up on the first date! Yep, it did help a lot in me letting my guard down a bit. I can't actually believe how easy this has been so far.

Dee I think he sounds like a bit of a dick. I don't know how to say this kindly, but I think you sent out some signs that he could treat you like this. Not in a victim kind of a way, but in a way that you were up for what he wanted.

Toosassy, he just messaged me, so I feel glad. Just chat. Back to the kind of easy going status quo. He's definitely not mulling over the fact that I went for a drink with two strangers I met on the bus. It's the kind of thing he'd do himself. I wonder if that's partly why I did it...... It's really unlike me.

Dee I agree with toosassy that is a seriously tall order there. I'd missed that he asked you not to see other people. He's having a laugh. Can you imagine exploiting somebody's feelings for you like that! I can't imagine it. He's comfortable doing it.

The whole cool girl culture has a lot to answer for in my opinion. in decades gone past, the 50s and even the so-called swinging 60s (my mum says casual sex never reached chalfont st giles {insert staid respectable village as appliicable} there was a lot of pressure on women to guard their reputations! But it was black and white. You could break the rules but you knew what the rules were.

Now, although a lot of women would want sex in a relationship, lad culture has brought us to a place where it can be a bit embarrassing for a non-assertive women to openly state that what she wants is x, y, z. That was me until a few years ago.

It's like it's been forgotten that women are entitled to go in to sex and dating with their own agenda. And that might be just sex! But mostly it's not.

I'll take my coat and go to the feminism chat board for a bit if you like!

ps, obviously I dont want to go back to those decades! I just mean, different decades, different pressures for women.

Morning all!
I've had 3 messages already this morning! From 2 of my bears and one asking for a date tonight. Can't go anyway, but wouldn't at such short notice anyhow.
Last night, was told "I'll be in Manchester about 6pm after all" not responded. I am looking forward to meeting this guy, but I'm kinda busy this eve, so doubt I can really. He was messaging me from pizza express with his son...? Good sign that he likes me?

Dee, what he's done is shit. I've had it done to me Nov. The guy went on about how he wouldn't hurt me, I was what he wanted blah blah. Slept with him, didn't hear a word again. All sorts went through my mind about it being my fault, but I realised he was the problem not me. He exploited my vulnerability. It was a learning curve for me to guard myself more and put barriers up.

Morning all.

On the subject of condoms - any man who does not want to use condoms is STUPID - he does't know if I might have a disease. I don't have sex with stupid men. I'd actually be really put off if a man even slightly acted like he might prefer not to.

On the subject of "the real world" - there are no single men in it. I had a lovely evening, felt like I looked good in my outfit, had good chat with some men and women, but none of the men were single. OK maybe one was but he was not an option.

314 glad things are back to normal.

Going for a drink with strangers I met on the bus is definitely NOT something I'd do - if I were dating you and you said you'd done it I might have been a bit surprised. Not in a "hey you should be only talking to me" kind of way, just in an "oh, you are the kind of person who does that" kind of way.

If I were feeling a bit drunk and/or imaginative I'd then extrapolate from that action and start thinking along these lines...
she likes to talk to strangers - and she'll go off with them - imagine if we went on holiday together - she'd be making friends with other couples - and they'd ask us to have dinner with them - and we'd have to have dinner with them every night and not have any holiday time alone - and when we got back they'd keep in touch - and they'd come visit our house - and then I'd be posting on MN about these unwanted visitors - damn her for being friendly to strangers look what's happened

Right ladies (if anyone remembers!) I had agreed to meet a POF candidate but for lots of reasons we couldn't meet for a couple of weeks.

Well we have been texting pretty consistently for those two weeks and today is meant to be the day. He hasn't answered me. We are supposed to be meeting at 1.30 but hadn't arranged a meeting place. I was giving him till 12 to respond and now I'm going to have to text to say don't bother, made other plans.

What is with men?? Why text for two weeks for nothing?!?! Sod him

Hello all!

Will catch up later, but just checking in - are you OK Destiny?? I have seen your other thread and I am appalled at the comments on there. Don't date that guy if you don't feel like it. That alone is reason enough to ditch him. And I totally get that you may be feeling somehow betrayed he did not tell you beforehand he was in a wheelchair.

I haven't read the thread destiny but you do not have to date anybody if you don't want to! Wow, he really should have mentioned that. You don't deserve to get a hard time on the thread. People can be so sanctimonious sometimes!

Hi mrs Lannister,sorry about your date,you're right to be dissapointed,and yes sod him

Destiny he really should of mentioned his disability in his profile

Any news on Gast?

MrsL did you hear from him? I hope so.

Twiggy you sound smitten! How fantastic!! Do please stay though, don't leave!!!

Red have a lovely time today, let's hope for lots of casual intimacy and perhaps a bit of not-so-casual.... as long as you are dating you can't be a fraud on here!!!!

314 sounds like H is not bothered, and rightly so - H is not the boss of you

Waving any luck from the au pair interviews? As long as you distract yourself while Soho's away that's the main thing hey - 3 weeks is a long time

Gast where are you