Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

He is very different in a lot of ways, but I just would like it if he said "yes, like you, let's meet up again, but am also seeing other people" or "we get on amazingly, let's be friends." Straightforwardness.

Woo ooh, I have a second date on Friday with MrIKEA! We were supposed to go out last Sunday but had to cancel and since then he was fairly quiet. Even though I had very obviously hinted that I was back in town and had some free time. So I took a vodka-fueled walk on the fine line between the moose burger and "ain't taking silence for an answer sir". And poof, got a date. I am definitely at ground level of emotional involvement with him, so I do not really care what happens. Yet

And so that this is a full update, I am now officially on week 4 of the Popcorn Detox and starting to feel like I am able to send a light and appropriately breezy text next week without expecting any answer at all.
Also have a couple more irons in the texting fire to declare - just to keep me distracted from it all...

Now off to try sleep the vodka off. If Chinese client calls me at stupid o'clock he is in for a surprise as I sound totally not sober. (Btw don't have a drinking problem, just too many after works and no self-control )

Ha! very funny!

Next week I think I will looking for more dates. For now, I need to go over interview questions (more, so hard).
Why should I hire you? Blimey I dunno. FAB. Feature, Advantage, Benefit. I'm addled.

I can't wait for the several large glasses of wine I plan to enjoy when I meet H tomorrow night. AFter my interview. I wonder will I be walking the fine fuelled line between what is going on here and em, what is going on here. Maybe I should drink the second one very slowly.

Good luck with the interview, 314 and also with H.

tanyadm major hug coming your way. Not surprised you are having a low day here and there. So difficult with no overnighters. It really all gets on top of you. Don't be in any rush to come of the anti-D's. I took them for the last 3 months of my marriage. They provided the clarity that 1) it was time to go and 2) that he had not even asked in that 3 months how I was doing. Continued for a further 14 months.

Sassy my 'bestie' who has analysed (she's a therapist) and supported me throughout my separation went to my ex's birthday drinks at the weekend. Invited not by the ex but by a mutual friend. The following day ex's gf tagged her on fb saying 'what a great night'. She apparently got hammered on cocktails and threw up all the next day. She's the sort of person who will go to anything and everything and will swoop round a room being mates chatting with everyone. Claims she had a terrible night feeling ignored by my ex but I simply don't believe it, my experience of 25yrs of friendship tells me otherwise. She has been manipulative and claiming to be the one who finds it hard although she's managed without him til now. She has millions of friends and no reason to see him (in terms of mutual friends, she sees those separately anyway e.g. Saw them New Year's Eve so the sacrifice involved in staying away from my ex is minuscule. Beggars belief. Sorry for the hijack.

Squeeee, just had an hour long phone conversation with Teach, and he's lovely, we just chatted and chatted, and he's got a NZ accent which is soooo attractive (to me, I love NZ).

Not caught up on the thread tonight, just wanted to post this!

Evening everyone......just caught up on thread and am rather jealous as everyone seems to have a date or irons, but I just seem to be easily put off and bin them/go off them very quickly.

I think I've reached a saturation point and can't be arsed. I seem to be extremely picky at the moment and those that I do get chatting to turn out to be knobs or perverts or both, and I block them. I too am looking for the same as waving - a boyfriend, not a partner, not a ONS. A special someone but who won't live in my pocket.

Think I'm logging off the sites for a couple of days, need a break, it's draining. TBH I've not got a free weekend until end of Feb so wouldn't be able to do dates for a while anyway so probably good timing. Anyone else get periods of boredom of looking, or just me?

I'm so jumping the gun here but I don't think teacher likes children no that's not right I think at the end of the day he doesn't want to be bothered by kids and I've got 4 only 2 still at home tho. He's always so nice about mine and asks about them but isn't very patient when it comes to telling me about his day and the children he teaches it's more like bloody kids!!

Yeh, take a break prizey. You me and wavinng are looking for the same thing and I know taking a break has helped me in the past. It's like giving yourself a fortnight off from thinking about not having found anything tangible yet. All that trying can get very tiring.

Handy, you have permission on a velvet cushion to never bother your arse with that 'friend' again.

I'm amazed a therapist could be so stupid.

No Prizey I totally get it. I'm certainly not searching at the mo. Just see who pops up. Good to take time out and recharge. That way you'll be in a better place to interact with folk.

*Sassy
*
I think when I say I don't want a relationship what I mean is I'm not ready for a relationship, I had a breakdown last year caused by my ex's abusive behaviour and, whilst I'd love nothing more than to be wrapped up in rom-com/chick-lit romance, I don't trust my judgement at the moment. I've got enough on the plate with a very acrimonious divorce and my ex fucking with DS1's head so I can't really commit to someone else, or expect them to be part of the drama that comes with my life at the moment.

So I'm flirting with guys on line, contact is fairly sporadic but I can live with that. If someone was chatting then goes quiet then I block and move on.

I've been completely honest with everyone I've chatted to and hope I haven't led anyone on.

Expectations...well I don't really have any of anyone, I'm flattered by the attention but at the same time don't believe a word of it.

Yeah, think that's a good plan. Thanks 314 and handy. I'll def stay on here though.....you lot are the best part of OLD for me at the moment

Thanks 314 I appreciate it. Especially the velvet cushion.

Oh Gast I noticed that Match are doing a singles night on 19th January in Brighton, and I immediately thought of you. You should go!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Remember the ?alcoholic loser with the random secret and the amnesia?????

He has just sent me a friend request on Facebook!!!!

That's just bloody creepy.....................

What with the friendship issue, right now Facebook is so NOT my friend!!!!!!! Aarrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!

Ladies,I'm loving your tales on here,just thought id tell you my latest news,I joined Old back in march,had 4 different dates,one lasted from June to November,when I was dumped by text.
But I had been chatting to a lovely man,we will call mr builder,we got on so well but live 3 hours away,so never met,I left old and started the 5 mth relationship,but mr builder and I did exchange emails,and we emailed a couple of times,when id update him on how things were going.when things ended in Nov,I emailed mr builder,and we've been chatting ever since,he has been a great support to me over Xmas and as I had a family emergency last week,he has been keen to meet and tommorow I make that journey where we will finally meet,I am very emotional,and so excited,but I have huge worries,it can go either way,we get on great and we want more,and the distance may be an issue,though I've been told if we like each other the distance wont matter,or I like him and he doesent feel the same,I then feel I've lost a friend,or of course there is no chemistry,and we are both happy to be friends.
I feel I have to meet him as ill never know if I dont,but I also must be prepared for a fall,again I'm the biggest overthinker.
Just wanted to put that on paper and ask you lovely people how I should play this.
Thanks for listening
Dee

Gosh dee that's a huge pile of expectations and over-thinking going on there. I think I would do some relaxation techniques and really lower my expectations about the visit.

What are the plans? Are you meeting half way for the evening or..?

Morning all

Dee I'm with red on this one. That's a lot of expectations for a meeting.

Out of curiosity. Where are you meeting?
Are you both travelling half way?
Most importantly are you meeting someone neutral? Or are you going to his house?

The only other piece of advice i would give is to take it slow. If you meet and there is chemistry. You're under no onus to sleep with him. If you want to then great. I used to be a lot less cynical until I've read some tales here (and experienced them). This is effectively your first RL date.
But if there's chemistry and I was as emotionally vested as you, I would treat this strictly as a date. You have all the time in the world to move it to the next step if you both think this is a goer as more than friends. Hope that makes sense and best of luck!

Thank you for your replies,you are right,my expectations are running wild.
Trying to see it as two friends meeting for lunch and see what happens.
We are meeting at a large train station,half way.

Neutral ground, half way between your homes, middle of the day..? All sounds fabulous and safe.

I'm on a train and can hear three male colleagues discussing the dates of one of them. It's quite enlightening and unsettling.
Apparently the latest date "wasn't fat and looks good when she makes the effort, but that's not what you want is it? You want someone who looks good in the morning too"

Weight seems to be the major factor for them. And no, none of them are trim themselves.

Yes 1.pm,neutral,exciting!!!
I feel so fat,its too soon after Xmas!
Cant delay it till June,till I'm slimmer😏

Good luck Dee