Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

It makes sense really, if you are just after casual, the emotional/communication connection is secondary to......other stuff. Though it's been nearly two years, so I am quite eager for..,.,other stuff too!

handy re the best friend. Has she given an explanation as to why they were hanging out? Were they in a group or just the two of them? (BTW, if either of my close friends hung out with my ex, I'd be gutted)

Oh tanya . You've had a very busy year! Down days are wholly expected. And you're dating as well. Phew. Take it easy and pamper yourself. Why has your ex refused to take the youngest as well? Mine would refuse to be apart for that long.

How can we support you tanya?

Youngest is nearly 3, and very lively and boisterous, so he doesn't think he could cope with the train journey with them both. So is just taking the nearly 6yo.

Dating is connecting to other adults, so it is as sane as it is insane making!

sassy I would say that contact is currently "low but consistent". It's very early days so I'm more observing than judging his texting.

red, thank you. Just chatting to other women who understand that juggling life is stressful and men can be arsey is support enough!

Hey guys! Aww thanks re the burger thing, I think my diet (and homesickness) is currently affecting my perception of WMLB haha.

Sassy I too am looking for a LTR, after years of not being able to stand a guy being around me and then a couple years of playing THE perfect roller-skating-home-made-from-scratch-moose-burger-delivering girl. With an extra dash of low self-esteem sauce on the side and no slice of happiness.

Red and 314 & all (sorry this moves too fast for me!) I agree WMLB is not to be taken in the literal sense, I mean no one in their right mind is going to fake hiding behind a cushion during every single bloody movie so that the "man" feels like THE MAN .
BUT I think they outline a fairly "healthy-ish" approach to dating in that it seems to aim at self-preservation. And if those stats are true and I can recall them correctly, only a third of the prospects may be potential partners. So in short WMLB is helpful to grow a thick skin. Just like, you know, vitamin E for shiny long hair and strong nails.

So, Red, if I were you I would put on my ugliest pajamas on, take that pack of moose burgers out of the fridge, open the wine and grill myself lavish double/triple/quadruple deckers. Or freeze them if we happen to follow the same diet. Point being, whatever the guy has at the ready, he will ditch for a more adventurous version. Like taking a car to the garage and sweating for an entire afternoon trying to fix it by themselves. Granted it feels the same to us, but not to them.

Sorry if I make no sense at all, I have had to replace beer with vodka-soda for the purpose of low carbing, and wow this is much stronger. And comes in smaller glasses. Oops.

I inadvertently channelled dumb fox on the way to the cinema the other night! H kept asking me 'is it this exit?' 'are we in the right lane?' 'is this the right car park'

all i could do was shrug! It's my area.

I like your style jolly!

"Dating is connecting with other adults so it is as sane as it is insane making"

I love that!

Tanyadm, I admire you getting out there again so soon. I was 36 when I left my x and for years i did nothing. Quite literally. I didn't work. I didn't date. I suppose my self-esteem was recovering and my children were getting older. Two very important steps to a more independent life though.

Love your humour jollyXmasJumper
I'd take a beer out of the fridge but I've just done 30ds level two which DID help with the stress. I laughed at your post. OUT LOUD. So my stress must be melting. It's only an interview. It's only a man.

X posted with half the thread

Tanya, hang in there, it is hard but then the changes you went/are going through are bound to yield positive stuff. In the meantime, finding your balance and keeping it is all that matters.

Re communication - I think I expect regular texts rather than daily conversations. You know, just to keep the ball rolling between dates. 1 or 2 funny/witty/kind texts a day is perfect to me. For conversation I would rather meet up or call. Is that low communication to you?

lol at underwear shopping.

SEVEN men and not one slip up yet. I rolled around teenager style with the bear and that was lovely but I definitely didn't feel the need to buy fancy underwear. He wouldn't have deserved it any way. Glad I neither cooked for him, nor bought underwear before he came to my house. I hate scratchy underwear. I keep it very plain.

tanyadm after I said upthread that you were "lucky" to have your xh, I re-read the thread and saw that he never has them over night.
I wonder if he thinks you want him to take the dc so that you can have fun with a new man. But you just need a break. I was on Lustral years ago and they did me the world of good. So I hope they kick in really well for you. I was skin and bone on them. Do you have any appetite?

JollyxmasJumper, re the communication, it's not that I'm pining for H's texts, I just wonder what's normal but I shouldn't because I'm fine here, chatting to you lot, so I should practise mindfulness and focus on that. I'm happy now. I'm fine now. God that work out helped! You are all making me laugh with your underwear stories and your moose burger delivery stories. men shmen

You're right, Jolly, and I initially felt guilty about being on anti-Ds because great new job in a brilliant charity I used to volunteer for, nice new house, but the pressure wore me down. The pills are low dose and just to help me back onto an even keel, and mostly working, but a way to go yet.

314, I am on low dose fluoxetine, and my appetite is erratic and side effects, including appetite, seem to vary depending on which manufacturer it is, which I find a bit odd with a generic drug.

Musician guy rings/texts/messages a lot. Gets a bit much. I think our messages are in the 1000's. We've been seeing each other a month

Hot guy - he's a bit more reserved. He's sent me 60 texts since Sat. Quite a few today but we did DTD last night (3 times haha!) so I guess he feels obliged but it doesn't really bother me if they message or not. Tinder has a constant flow of messages and I've had to set up a filtering system. If they open with just 'Hi', no reply. If they use babe, lol or sugar tits in their message they are out. They have to like Neil Young or that's a no. I'm quite clinical about it I think.

He can't have them overnight as he has night-time epilepsy, though it is well controlled. Shouldn't affect him taking them both on a train to his mum's, mind! He just doesn't want the stress of two kids on the train!

Right, I think it's the same drug, if you'll excuse me being so crude, that diarrhoea is one of the side effects. Take lots of vitamins and look after yourself! Cod liver oil and a multi-vitamin too.

Ah right. If it's under control with medication are the attacks not very rare?

My mum had epilepsy. I say had because it's been so long since she had an attack. She used to say that she got a metallic taste in her mouth about 24-36 hours before an attack so she would go to bed. She might have been 'lucky' to have that day's warning though.

Haven't that side effect yet! I do already take vits and cod liver though! Thanks!

About four fits in the last 10 years. So really quite well controlled, but I wouldn't take that chance overnight unless there were other adults there. Like his mum, for instance...

No harm in striking up a conversation, Waving...