Step inside, it's the Dating Thread 94

[tanyadm]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches.

I think that red had a point about going for what you want, and not playing the subservient part though. It all depends on circumstances. I think I could judge better after date 2. I may have asked my childminder if she can babysit on Saturday...

....... but it's not like saying ''im a sure thing come and get me'', it's saying there is behaviour that I have to walk away from.

Oh definitely. That's why I -literally- walked away from Northerner, because he was making me try to persuade him to like me despite me having children. Pride has to kick in somewhere.

Musician guy just rang me (he's away filming at the moment) and asked if I'd got off with someone last night cos he had a feeling in his guts?!

I'm not sure about that . I mean, I'd probably be wondering the same thing, but I wouldn't ask out loud!

Aye, wee bit

Yeh, tanyadm as great as H is when we are together, I feel a lack of communication between us which would be normal for two dates but imo is not normal for five dates, especially as he's so easy to chat to when we're together There's something not stacking up right there. Tomorrow is our sixth date. I'd expect to know a little more about where we were headed, if anywhere, 6 dates in. I wonder if I'll be any the wiser after tomorrow.

Or am I being unrealistic? I wouldn't go on six dates with somebody I wasn't interested in. I'd bail much earlier.

It's subtle but I'm intuitive and my intuition is usually on the money so I'm in competition with somebody else and H is the prize, which if it is the case, would make me like him slightly less. I thought he was a straightforward, uncomplicated, clever, slightly nerdy but very attractive man but it turns out he's got great self-confidence. Is the treasurer of some fucking back so is just a alf MAYBE it's just that he's really busy. But somehow, intuitive person that I am, I suspect he's got another iron.

OK busy week this week, interview, out with a friend on Saturday, but come Monday I think I need to get back on POF and chase up a few others!

redmaple I'm glad you came on here and told us that story!! It will rein me in from saying something similar!!!! It does sound crazy when you read it. Sometimes you can lose sight of what a reasonable question is.

:-o

tanya hang in there

314 best of luck with the interview tomorrow!

SaR hmmm, my honest view is that until the exclusive chat is had you're well within your rights to date whomever you want. Whether you actually do is up to you. Musician sounds like he's hedging his bets a little or is the 'I don't care' bravado?

Re the second date. I'm the school of not asking them to lock down a second date. At all. They have my number and are fully grown men. They are more than capable of saying 'I want to see you again, when are you free?'. Men like the chase. Maybe if I meet someone uber hot that may change.

Anyone on any dates tonight?

Sassy thanks for asking re the 'best friend' situation. I'm having the most horrific week, I'm on annual leave and feel like I've been hit by a truck.

I think the situation is beyond repair. I've not heard from her. Naturally because of our strong and 25yr long friendship, I've been trying hard to see it from her point of view today and that maybe contact between my ex and her is benign. But what happens when I try that is that the most awful feelings rush in. These are the same feelings as I felt towards my kids (horrendous heartbreaking guilt) from 2.5yrs ago when I first threw the fucker out. I know my feelings are mine and nobody else's, but I don't deserve to have all my breakup pain raked back up to the surface like this. Not for the sake of this. She created this mess and I now just don't think there's any way back.

On the plus side I have a babysitter for Fri!!! Am going on a DATE

Perfect!!!!!! Bring on MrTiles!!!!!!!!

I feel a lack of communication between us which would be normal for two dates but imo is not normal for five dates, especially as he's so easy to chat to when we're together

How often is he contacting you between dates? My friends were aghast at my texting frequency strategy this weekend. Basically, if I feel like I want to text him, I text him. If I feel even a hint of insecurity creeping in, e.g. texting in order to get a reply, I don't text.

REd, we saw each other Saturday and we did exchange a few texts on Sunday afternoon, one 'run' of about four back and forth (each)
Monday - nothing
Then again last night, Tuesday, he initiated another 'run' of about five back and forth but I sent the last unanswered one. We were confirming our date for thursday with a bit of additional chat and banter though. Not heard anything today.
Wednesday - nothing I suspect
Thursday - will get a message to say he'll see me as planned.

Now Bear, who is obviously the beacon for jack shit !!! given that he doesn't want a relationship but we could have exchanged twenty or thirty messages easily today if we hadn't decided not to contact each other for a while.

It might be worth mentioning that Bear works about 2/5ths of the hours H works!!

I think that's borderline ok, but it wouldn't exactly make me feel secure.

314 I would not worry too much during the working week re messaging? I wouldn't want to be the main focus of their life, not at any this stage. Quality and consistency (of actions with words) over quantity.

314 that sounds like standard messaging protocol to me. I wouldn't be doing much more than that.

Can I ask. How many of us are looking to get into a serious relationship? I honestly think what we are looking for dictates how we perceive these early days/ weeks.

I'm looking for someone to hang with/ hook up with. Not commitment or meeting families or anything like that. So if a guy messaged me too much he'd be ignored.

I'm curious to see if there's a correlation between our expectations based on what we want as a ultimate outcome to our dates.

I am ready for a relationship yes. Bee is even more intense about wanting that than I am, think it just depends on the right iron!

Can I ask. How many of us are looking to get into a serious relationship?

I think for me that's my natural habitat, but that means I'm all the less likely to rush in to something if that makes sense?

Yupp. It's like my shoes dream!

Do any of you ever have this dream? You're looking at your shoes and they're ALL wrong but you're barefoot. You have flip flops, sky scraper stilettos, shoes covered in poo, men's shoes, shoes that are too small, and you're thinking ... none of them fit. I get this recurring dream all the time.

Toosassy, I'd like to see the results of your findings in a big spread sheet!

I am Red. I'm so tired of being single and independent. I left my x over 8 years ago, and tbh that was so lonely and abusive that I feel like I haven't been loved in a relationship for 16 years. Not the way I want to be.

Two very short real life relationships aside. There was optimism there to begin with so I wouldn't call them flings per se but that is more or less what they were in the end.

Musician guy is a master of hedging his bets. He's not dating anyone else because he 'can't be arsed' but he doesn't want any parameters or to label anything either so I'm going down the path that I'm just going to keep seeing them both until one or both bails or says something.

sassy im just looking for hanging out / hook ups when I'm child free. No family or kids introductions and I'm pretty clear that I'll never live with a man ever again.

I think because my marriage was so bereft of support, I want an equal to properly share my life with, who actually asks how I feel, and isn't afraid to give me a hug when I'm down about something. I am a fairly emotional human, not in a melodrama/arguments way, just affected by things, and I have unhealthily suppressed it to keep the peace for so long because I hate confrontation. I would love to have a true partner I could actually share things with.

I'm looking for hanging out/hook ups as and when time permits. My ex did too much damage, for me to let anyone close right now.

I think I need to go underwear shopping... This dating malarkey is getting expensive.

Speaking of bereft of support, x-h is taking eldest to his parents for three days in mid-term. For full disclosure, I have been on anti-depressants since November for stress and anxiety, after being made redundant, moving house and starting a full time job for the first time in years. The school 'family tree' stuff and being super busy at work has been quite triggering today and I have struggled. Asked ex-H to take youngest as well as I need a break from all the juggling, and he turned on me and refused. Feeling quite low tonight.

Interesting. There is a correlation I think.

Me = nothing serious = low messaging
Tanya = relationship = more consistent messaging
Scarf = nothing serious = easy re communication
314 = relationship = more consistent messaging
Red = relationship = ??
SaR = nothing serious = ??
Gast = nothing serious = ??

red so you do want a relationship. What's your expectation of contact etc?
SaR likewise. What's your expectations even though you don't want anything serious?
gast same question to you.

314 I've never had that dream. To be fair I hardly ever remember dreams though.