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Original poster

Can I get a male perspective on porn?

154 replies

Lepetitechat · 03/01/2016 10:37

What part does it play in your life? If you're in a relationship do you still use it? Do you hide it from your partner? I'm just interested to know , and this is to do with my own self confidence - do the women in porn 'stick' in your head, or are they just images that you forget about moments later?
Do the women have to be stunning or is it more about the bodies and what's happening?
How does this affect how you feel about your OH?
I know how I feel about it, I don't watch it but if I did, and I have done in the past - the people in it made no difference to me, I couldn't have cared less but I know some people take it more seriously - having favourite stars for instance..
Sry for all the questions

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/01/2016 21:18

Personally, my issue is not what happens in respectful mature relationships where coercion is not a factor.

My concern is where the boundaries are blurred by poor education, a need to fit in with what your mate in the school playground said he did with some bird last night, what is shared on mobile phones among peers and the pressure on both girls and boys to get up to "speed"

In my day (not quite 60 years ago) the pressure when you were 13yo was to let the boys get to "first base". Now, the goalposts have massively shifted.

If that is not a concern to the users of a parenting website, I am not sure where your own boundaries might lie, tbh

DrMorbius · 03/01/2016 21:18

Fantastic AyeAmarok as long as I see "real" information from a germain source. I am onboard.

My reference to oral/anal and the change in activities through the ages, was obviously between aware and consenting adults.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/01/2016 21:19

"No offence at all. I couldn't care less that you seem to think you can write in French but can't. "

I have to say I find that quite funny. I didn't know user names had to be spelt "correctly", but if they do shouldn't yours be Côte d'Azur and not CoteDAzur.

DrMorbius · 03/01/2016 21:19

Agreed AF.

AnyFucker · 03/01/2016 21:23

Glad to hear it, DrM

But I thought you were taking issue with my comments about "a whole new generation". And you were doing the eye roll thing at Aye's reference to the worrying trend among "average school kids"

Unless you consider yourself part of a "whole new generation" ?

Karanka · 03/01/2016 21:25

Continuing the anal theme (ahem) it seems to me that if this country didn't have such a stick up it's arse about sex in the first place there wouldn't be such a yawning educational and attitudinal gap which porn has partway filled.

AyeAmarok · 03/01/2016 21:35

You can't use punctuation on MN in usernames Gwenhwyfar, it's basic letters and numbers only.

Well, numbers are frowned upon, but in theory they're allowed.

Karanka, you may be right. That's why we need more education for our young people about what a respectful, enjoyable sexual relationship is. Rather than what they currently think as a result of porn, which is resulting in our young daughters being sexually abused as standard, and injured.

DrMorbius · 03/01/2016 21:38

AF - I don't think it is a whole generation or anywhere near that bad. But I asked for real evidence not a "strong belief" and AyeAmarok provided it.

I believe your (above) post is probably more accurate. That a group (not a generation) of badly educated/blurred boundaries types are at risk.

I also agree that "first base" in my day (35 years ago) would be laughed at now.

CoteDAzur · 03/01/2016 21:56

"I didn't know user names had to be spelt "correctly", but if they do shouldn't yours be Côte d'Azur and not CoteDAzur."

Oh wow, you are a clever bunny. That had never occurred to me, living on the frigging Côte d'Azur and speaking fluent French Hmm

How about you check out the user names on a few threads, rub two brain cells together, and figure out whether it is possible to have a username featuring a space and an apostrophe on MN?

Do come back and let us know what you find out.

Yseulte · 03/01/2016 22:00

Why on earth would you think the normalisation of anal and other negative effects of porn would only affect the 'badly educated/blurred boundaries types'? (whatever the hell they are).

I guess you have to justify your wanking habits somehow.

AyeAmarok · 03/01/2016 23:26

That a group (not a generation) of badly educated/blurred boundaries types are at risk.

It wasn't a few reprobates from the bottom of the class in a sink school that thought this way. It was teenagers generally. This is reality for teenagers today.

AF mentioned your DD, I don't know if you have one or not, but if you do, don't fall into the trap of thinking this isn't the world she lives in, that this only happens to children in uneducated/working-class/troubled households. It's right across the spectrum. It's probably in every class across the country.

AnyFucker · 03/01/2016 23:27

IIRC, DrM has mentioned he has 2 daughters.

AyeAmarok · 03/01/2016 23:38

1 in 5 of the young women reported having had anal sex within the last year.

From the study.

For your girls' sake, I hope your wife has spoken to them about this sort of thing.

JAPAB · 04/01/2016 08:02

Why on earth would you think the normalisation of anal and other negative effects of porn would only affect the 'badly educated/blurred boundaries types'? (whatever the hell they are).

Perhaps they'll be the ones least likely to know that it is OK to say no and not OK to ignore no, and on top of that, will be unlikely to know the basics of how to do it properly and safely.

Whereas other people who have and respect boundaries will either say no and it won't happen, or will say yes out of genuine interest/willingness. (Some of whom, whether male or female, may then find they actually like it. To each their own.)

Original poster
Lepetitechat · 04/01/2016 11:55

japab I think even those that show "genuine willingness" or interest in such activities still need to be educated in some way to the potential damage - for example anal sex can and does cause prolapse (so your organs coming out I'm sorry tmi).
But it's not the special snowflakes we have to be concerned about it is? It's the ones being coerced - the ones who are trying to be "cool".
I haven't really had a great response from the men on here re porn. Yes I've had my questions answered, but has the discussion made you question your porn use?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lepetitechat · 04/01/2016 11:57

Are you happy seeing women in porn engaging in anal knowing the damage it causes? Or does it get you off .. I mean I don't know why I'm asking because I'm sure it does ....

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 04/01/2016 11:58

" they'll be the ones least likely to know that it is OK to say no and not OK to ignore no"

Clearly you've never been a teenage girl.

This is one of those subjects when no vagina = no opinion.

Samantha28 · 04/01/2016 12:07

Yeah, it's really easy as a teenaged girl to have strong boundaries about your own body and what is safe .

It's not like there are any influences round about you, saying what your body should and shouldn't be used for ,who it belongs to and how it should be treated , what it shoud look like . It's not like women's bodies are commodified in our society . There's no such thing as the tabloids, mobile phones, the Internet, social media , social norms , pressure to get and keep a boy friend, etc

Oh no, it's all a completely free choice for the individual teenage girl . If anything bad happens to her, it's her own fault . It's her choice .

JAPAB · 04/01/2016 12:15

Lepetitechat, well yes, everyone needs sex ed. It all has risks, some things more than others, but being uneducated on any of it is not great. Not sure where you've got the idea that I watch anal pornography from.

CoteDAzur, what was inaccurate about my suggestion that those with less sex ed and boundaries will be "the ones least likely to know that it is OK to say no and not OK to ignore no".

Samantha28 · 04/01/2016 12:20

Well yes, sex ed would help . As long as we could give it to everyone in the country, not just school kids .

AyeAmarok · 04/01/2016 12:21

Whereas other people who have and respect boundaries will either say no and it won't happen, or will say yes out of genuine interest/willingness. (Some of whom, whether male or female, may then find they actually like it. To each their own.)

Only one female in the study who engaged in anal said she grew to enjoy it.

Sadly, she found it incredibly painful the first time they did it, which was after her telling him she didn't want to try it and him 'accidently' slipping it in.

DrMorbius · 04/01/2016 12:47

This is in no way a reflection of my attitude to anal so, but I have to question once again the accuracy of certain statements.

for example - lepetitechat - for example anal sex can and does cause prolapse (so your organs coming out I'm sorry tmi) I have googled this and cannot find evidence that this is the general conclusion to long term anal sex. In fact I found a number of sources denying this (including a notable Woman's mag)
www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a17749/anal-sex-misconceptions/

Samantha28 · 04/01/2016 12:58

Cosmopolitan - the well known peer reviewed medical journal

CoteDAzur · 04/01/2016 13:03

Cosmopolitan Hmm Ffs, I despair.

ShortandSweeter · 04/01/2016 13:05

I'm a man.

What part does it play in your life?
At the moment, none.