Can I get a male perspective on porn?

[Lepetitechat]

What part does it play in your life? If you're in a relationship do you still use it? Do you hide it from your partner? I'm just interested to know , and this is to do with my own self confidence - do the women in porn 'stick' in your head, or are they just images that you forget about moments later?
Do the women have to be stunning or is it more about the bodies and what's happening?
How does this affect how you feel about your OH?
I know how I feel about it, I don't watch it but if I did, and I have done in the past - the people in it made no difference to me, I couldn't have cared less but I know some people take it more seriously - having favourite stars for instance..
Sry for all the questions

Actually, OP, I agree with you that porn does not=sex

There is a whole generation growing up thinking that what they see on the screen (including extreme acts such as forced anal, fisting, choking, verbal and physical abuse etc) is something that they should aspire to (and more worryingly, submit to, because they think everyone else is doing it)

There is a whole generation growing up thinking that what they see on the screen is something that they should aspire to

Really a whole generation!!!!!
I am surprised the kids have time, as they are all out aspiring to replicate their violent shooter games they play and killing people.

It's not actually something to be so incredulous at, DrM. It really is a whole generation.

It was in the news not so long ago that the average school kid considered anal sex etc to be "standard". They also said that it was meant to be painful, and it was something shocking like a third considered rape (that was described using other words than rape) to be expected behaviour in a relationship between teenagers.

Do you just follow AF around and then disagree with her?????

Pretty much, Christina

The needs 'elp

The bloke needs 'elp

It's every other bloody thread

Dr... Perhaps time for a new hobby?

There is a whole generation growing up thinking that what they see on the screen is something that they should aspire to.

Agreed.
Personally, and I have no evidence to support this, I believe the internet is responsible for a lot of it. I also believe it's mostly men and the only solution is for women to stand their ground and not let men coerce them into doing any acts they don't eagerly want to try.

Why is it always porns fault about attitudes towards sex? Where did people develop attitudes from before porn became so wide spread?

I think we are putting too much blame on porn and not enough education about these things. Why are kids being allowed to develop attitudes on sex from porn on there own and not from peers, teachers or family

We still haven't quite recovered from the twisted attitudes to sex which were informed by religion and social repression (hence British sexuality - and British porn - still tends towards Benny Hill-style sniggering). A more grown up approach to sex and sexuality would have left us less vulnerable to the negative effects of widely available/accessible porn.

There is a whole generation growing up thinking that what they see on the screen (including extreme acts such as forced anal, fisting, choking, verbal and physical abuse etc) is something that they should aspire to (and more worryingly, submit to, because they think everyone else is doing it)

Ive not seen that attitude in my own personal experience but have seen the effects of porn being seen as an instruction manual by those without experience.

I think that the inexperienced watching vanilla porn and seeing it as an instruction manual are getting it wrong. They don't realise it's not real time and is edited, they don't see any sort of foreplay or interplay and tension or connection between the actors and are inadequate lovers as a result.

Porn isn't representative of the whole package of a sexual relationship and the inexperienced don't realise that the satisfying bit of a sexual relationship isn't shown so are getting it wrong.

As context for my post, I'm not blanket anti porn. I watch and enjoy porn myself but I'm selective in my viewing and wish others were more so and laws and regulation tightened to protect the vulnerable. There's much wrong with certain sectors.

Why is it always porns fault about attitudes towards sex? Where did people develop attitudes from before porn became so wide spread?

I don't think a sense of what is normal comes built in. People take it from external sources. If you live in a culture that says that it is normal to wait until marriage before having sex then it is normal to wait until marriage. If you live in a culture that says it is normal to have sex within a few weeks, or less, of starting dating someone, then that is normal. If you watch a lot of porn and there is no counterbalancing info or sex ed or whatnot, then whatever you commonly see cropping up in porn may become normal.

I wouldn't say I see any of this as an issue in and of itself TBH. The priority is one of boundaries and that they should be respected and it be known that it is OK to have them. Just because it is normal to have sex within two or three weeks, or several of your friends report sex by the third date, doesn't mean you have to follow suit if uncomfortable. Same goes for any specific sex act that can be named. Plenty of other people are perfectly happy with very quick sex and whatever the specific sexual act is, but it is of course an individual thing.

It was in the news not so long ago that the average school kid considered anal sex etc to be "standard"

That's really interesting AyeAmerik can you link me to the scientific based study (and subsequent peer reviewed conclusion) that was undertaken to discover this.

Just a thought....60 years ago, oral sex was not considered "standard"

Oh. That's okay then. I love oral sex as much as the next person, so I guess all the young teenagers whose insides are actually being damaged by the painful anal sex they're being forced to have should slap on a smile and be grateful, they're pioneers, after all. We should be thanking those young boys for bringing it into the mainstream.

And no need to be so sneery. It was in the British Medical Journal. Go Google it, and then you can shit all over it for being inconclusive or whatever you've already decided.

You want a scientific study on porn? What do you expect it to say?

If you speak to anyone who works in sexual health they will tell you that anal is now regarded as normal among young people.

m.bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996.full

And here's an excerpt, or the TL:DR version for those who like to jump straight to the good stuff like porn does, arf

Results Anal heterosex often appeared to be painful, risky and coercive, particularly for women. Interviewees frequently cited pornography as the ‘explanation’ for anal sex, yet their accounts revealed a complex context with availability of pornography being only one element. Other key elements included competition between men; the claim that ‘people must like it if they do it’ (made alongside the seemingly contradictory expectation that it will be painful for women); and, crucially, normalisation of coercion and ‘accidental’ penetration. It seemed that men were expected to persuade or coerce reluctant partners.

Conclusions Young people's narratives normalised coercive, painful and unsafe anal heterosex. This study suggests an urgent need for harm reduction efforts targeting anal sex to help encourage discussion about mutuality and consent, reduce risky and painful techniques and challenge views that normalise coercion.

Excellent. A reliable study unlike the usual guff that passes as 'research' in online discussions.

DrM, I assume you will be advising your daughters that anal sex is a "standard" part of any sexual relationship and that if they don't partake you will accuse them of being old fashioned ?

And of course, just to get with your the programme, they have to include it as part of their initial sexual exploring. It doesn't count otherwise, 'cos porn tells us that those teens love to get their asses ripped open. Yeah ?

Yeah teen sluts like to take it in both holes apparently...

Does any woman really want Anal sex? I've never been asked for it, and quite frankly would never want to go there. It's the wrong bloomin hole! And what does this say about the men who do want it? Why why why?

Anal sex doesn't appeal to me, it looks very painful for the receiver and there are health risks too. My wife says it's an exit not an entry, I agree

Although DW also says that if a man likes anal sex he must be able to have gay sex, this is a viewpoint that I definitely do not agree with.

I thought it was quite an interesting op.

I don't really know what a journalist would do with this material. I'm not sure what the thread police on here seem to think they are protecting the rest of us from

In reality the answers from male posters have been pretty mundane