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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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i don't know if i can talk about it here?

541 replies

panele01 · 31/12/2015 21:05

hello everyone,
i am new here and i don't know,i am not sure if i can talk about it here? i am 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant
,but i am having problems in my life right now,difficulties,complications SadConfused

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 12:47

What shall i do? SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad

OP posts:
mum2mum99 · 18/01/2016 12:51

2 questions:
Are you able to live on your won or do you need support?
Would you be able to prove to a social worker that you can look after a baby?

panele01 · 18/01/2016 13:12

Hmmmm.......at the moment,i can't really say,because i might need some support,but mother's support i don't want,i can't even concentrate,think properly,i am in too much stress right now,i am really unhappy.........SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad The stress my baby is feeling right now SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad What i shall i do?

OP posts:
HumboldtFog · 18/01/2016 13:26

What i shall i do?

Take some of the great advice that you've received on this thread. If you just want a place to talk, that's fine too. But as you're asking what to do, I'd like to read that you're following up.

panele01 · 18/01/2016 13:30

Ok,i am really sorry for my behaviour,i am so sorry,i will do ThanksBiscuitCakeWineBrew

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 18:41

I have signed the mobile contract with someone to helped that person and that person used me/tricked me,i was so stupid by doing it,i am really dears,since then i haven't paid for that contract no money,i l have changed my mobile nr,addresses on my bank so i could avoid by paying for it,i had serious,bad finances going on and i couldn't pay for it,does it mean i can go to jail for that? My mother,her partner,my brother knows about it,but i don't know who else knows.......hmmmmmm

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 18:42

SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 18/01/2016 19:28

Look, you clearly need a lot of practical help to get a home of your own and start protecting yourself and your baby.

What is stopping you from acting on the advice given here? Honestly?

Sometimes people don't know the real basics like how to get online to contact services, or what to ask for etc. that's ok, ask here for help and I'm sure people will talk you through those first moves. Or ask someone in real life to help you like your GP, or midwife?

But at the moment, you just sound like a kicked puppy dog. Running back to its owners hopefully wagging your tail desperate for affection... Only to get another kick. Flowers

But you know what? You are NOT a puppy dog. You are a person who can learn and change and stand on your own two feet. And you have to, if not for yourself, for your baby's sake. When the baby comes it will all get so much harder to make big changes - totally possible, but just harder.

If you do want to change your situation, now is the time to do it.

You seem to be stuck in a pattern of behavior where you rely on people who don't have your best interests at heart. Then getting distraught when they don't behave in a way that has their own best interests at heart.

No one can do it for you. Though there's lots of support out there once you've started to help yourself.

Ask yourself, do you want to remain abused by your mother and her partner, upset, stressed and emotionally in bits? And keep on hoping they'll change and being horrified and shocked when they don't.

With the wisdom of hard experience I can tell you for sure that nothing will change if you don't do the changing. No one else will change. No one else even wants to change. And sadly, I tell you that from experience too. It's a rubbish situation, just horrible, but really, you will be in exactly the same state for exactly as long as you keep hoping someone is going to do it for you.

It must be so stressful and hard to keep going in the bad situation you are in. But if you direct even a bit of that energy you're using to stay in a bad situation, to help yourself, then you'll be amazed how easy everything feels when you're free of this people you're surrounded by using you. I was shocked - I thought I was just a failure, everything too hard and too stressful .... I was amazed by how I could cope, and more than that, enjoy myself, when I wasn't spending all my time, energy, money, love etc on people who were using me and putting me down.

I probably sound tough and mean, but it's so sad that you seem incapable of getting yourself into a better situation!

I am frankly amazed your GP knows any of this and hasn't suggested ways to get help. Unless he/she doesn't understand that you actually want to get out? Go ask about shelters, emergency housing, literacy and translation help, and counseling as you desperately need some self esteem and fight back in you!

Ps debt is not going to get you put in jail! It's no surprise you have money problems too. You need advice. There are ways out of it. But hiding yourself and pretending it's not happening will only make everything worse, not better.

panele01 · 18/01/2016 20:41

Wow BlushConfusedShock thank you so much dear,there is one thing which is really hard for me,i sleep too much,i have problems with sleeping,falling a sleep and getting enough sleep,i am too much stressed out SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad I feel really weak inside,but no no no,i can find some strength (power or what do you call that?) to get out of the bed and do things for myself and the baby...........hmmmmmmmm and the fear is still with me after the sexual assault.....hmmmmm

OP posts:
Offred · 18/01/2016 20:47

Sleeping too much can be a symptom of depression but it can also be a pregnancy thing.

Try to remember that your mother also didn't have any experience of having children until she became a parent, no-one does, looking after other people's children is not the same.

No-one has experience and most people do fine with parenting.

If her only reason is that you are not a mum yet then she is talking rubbish.

She should be being supportive, not kicking you when you are down.

I think the quicker you get away from her the better and if you find you do need some support with parenting get it from state services like the health visitor etc, not from her.

panele01 · 18/01/2016 21:20

Hmmmmmmm.......yes you are completely right dear,i agree,thank you so much WinkThanksCakeBiscuit

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 22:58

Yes,i know,i understand dear,but if i leave my mother,she will go insane,crazy and start causing serious problems for me,she is thinks she is a god or something like that,she is in control now........hmmmmm........people could say that she must be tied up or locked in a cage or something like that........SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad

OP posts:
Offred · 18/01/2016 23:10

What she does when you leave is of no consequence to you really, is it?

panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:15

Hmmmm.....i am so sorry,i didn't understand dear the question/sentence SadThanksWineBiscuitCake

OP posts:
SmillasSenseOfSnow · 18/01/2016 23:26

Hi panele. Smile

If something is 'of no consequence' to you, it means it doesn't affect you at all. Your mum can say what she likes, but what could she possibly to do cause trouble for you? Honestly?

panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:31

Hmmmm.....i don't know,get so angry and take serious actions,reporting me to Social Services,Government ect,drag me to hers and maybe beat me with the belt,i am so scared she could take some bad/terrible actions on me......hmmmmm

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:32

SadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSadSad

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 18/01/2016 23:32

Offred is saying that after you've left your mother's home it won't matter what she does as you won't be around to see it.

But if you don't start acting on the sound advice you've been given on this thead, you'll be stuck in a one bed flat with your dm, her dp, and your baby.
Is that what you want to happen?

Are you receiving jobseekers allowance or similar, or are you financially dependent on your dm?

Can I make a plea for you to PLEASE go easy on your use of the emoticons as they divert attention from your words.

panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:38

No,i am not receiving any benefits right now,my mother doesn't allow me to do that,she won't allow me to sort my future finance for my baby,i am serious dear,i am really sorry if i said or did something wrong in here,she is sorting put tax return for me,she is doing it herself and even asked her own client's help.......hmmmmmm

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:39

Correction *out

OP posts:
panele01 · 18/01/2016 23:41

Shall i not use smileys anymore?

OP posts:
slightlyinsane · 19/01/2016 00:05

The smileys are a little distracting.
You need to take control and take the advice on here. The fact your mother is sorting out the benefits for your baby is ringing alarm bells for me.
Please go to CAB to get some advice and practical help, you need to get away.
She can threaten all she wants to but once you've left she can't hurt you, belittle you or control you.
Please go to CAB

panele01 · 19/01/2016 00:09

Ok,i understand,i am really sorry about smileys,i will do my best and go there,dear,i am tired tonight,i speak to you all dears again,thank you so much for your help and advices,Goodnight dears,sweet dreams,good luck,take care,bye

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/01/2016 22:09

Oh oh oh, can I add a 'please try not to...' thingy?! Please can you stop apologising all the time? I'm joking a bit but also I don't think it's healthy for you to feel like you need to say sorry for everything you do.

It's part of getting some 'fight' back into you!

PS Yes lines and lines of smileys is a bit distracting but don't feel like you shouldn't use them ever!

It's the way you feel comfortable expressing yourself and I think that's important, especially when there's a language barrier and sometimes you feel too upset to write much.

Maybe just a few less? Wink Grin

goddessofsmallthings · 19/01/2016 22:36

If you take a look at other thread on this board you'll see that smileys are used sparingly to empahasise particular points and that the whole caboodle of wine, chocs, flowers, etc is only wheeled out for birthdays or special celebrations.

Any overpayment of income tax you've made is unlikely be repaid until after the beginning of the next financial year which starts on April 6. Is there any reason why you can't go to the jobcentre tomorrow morning and sign on so that you can receive jobseekers allowance, and then take a walk to the council's housing office?