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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 29/12/2015 11:50

Having now read your previous threads Clarkey, what would you like us to do? You have been saying the same thing on repeat since September "I'm in a domestic abuse relationship, I am going to call WA to get a safety plan in place, I'm going to look at foster care for my dog", but you don't do anything. Just lather, rinse, repeat.

The reasons you give for not going don't make sense, eg that your dog is timid -any fosterer of dogs would be better for her than living with you and the man who frightens her!

This should be easy; your children aren't with you, you have money to support yourself somehow, your parents will let you stay there, and yet you choose him?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 29/12/2015 12:18

Hi everyone i have been asked to go to Womans aid today at 2pm where they will help me get a place to stay and help me with getting any protection order put in place against my partner so thanks to everyone who has written kind posts

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 29/12/2015 12:21

Hi AyeAmorok it's not as simple as i choose him it's an abusive and controlling relationship and with all the threats to myself and my family it's very frightening as i really don't know wether he will carry these out or not.

OP posts:
PitPatKitKat · 29/12/2015 12:24

What kind of dog do you have Clarkey?

(Fan, AF, PocketSaviour and 2015 funnily enough, your posts were the ones that helped me find my voice. And thank you Perniciousness)

PitPatKitKat · 29/12/2015 12:25

Good for you Clarkey

PitPatKitKat · 29/12/2015 12:26

Sorry, cross posted before!

TheSecondViola · 29/12/2015 12:27

It is though, in the end. You choose to stay. You don't know whether he will carry out threats but you choose not to put mechanisms in place to prevent it. You choose not to call the police, not to take womens aid help.

Yes it is complicated and yes there are many reasons why you make the choices you do. But the very first thing you need to do is to realise that it is a choice, and you are an active participant in your life, and you can make other and better choices. Until you do that you cant't do anything.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 29/12/2015 12:40

Hi PitPat she's a staff cross dog

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 29/12/2015 12:42

Hi TheSecond it's harder when you have been controlled for so long and had constant threats from a partner just to stop you leaving i don't want him to hurt my family but he's threatened to do that should i leave him but with the help of Womans aid i can leave him safely.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 29/12/2015 12:46

Clarkey that's really positive news, well done.

I hope you can update at some point and let us know that you're safe. Hold your nerve, and remember this man does not control the universe. No man is above the law. There are people and organisations that will help and protect you and your family.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 29/12/2015 12:49

Have you got everything ready clarkey? Paperwork? Stuff you will need but which is something he might destroy in temper once he realises you've gone

2015BeGone · 29/12/2015 13:13

Well I'm glad you found your voice pitpat. I know in my heart many people will have gained strength and hope from your post, me included as it was very inspiring.

PitPatKitKat · 29/12/2015 13:18

Aww, I've heard they are lovely Clarkey really lovely natures. Worked with a lady who had one and she was totally besotted with it. So loyal to it, because it was so loyal to her. Glad Women's Aid are helping you to safety.

(Thank you 2015)

Lndnmummy · 29/12/2015 13:27

Well done clarkey, I am rooting for you. Hopefully by now you are on your way to your appointment

wonkylampshade · 29/12/2015 13:40

Well done Clarkey, you should be so proud of yourself. Keep going, no looking back. X

Robotgirl · 29/12/2015 14:04

Bloody brilliant
You can do this, Clarkey Thanks

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2015 14:58

You can do this. Be strong. Remember that nothing is worth what you are living with.

Listen to WA and do what they tell you. Please let us know that you are safe.

RumAppleGinger · 29/12/2015 15:04

Well done Clarkey, you can do this.

MrsFring · 29/12/2015 15:20

That's fantastic Clarkey, you should feel very proud of yourself. We all believe in you. Flowers.

Shutthatdoor · 29/12/2015 15:26

Well done Clarkey.

FitzChivarly · 29/12/2015 16:34

Wish you all the best clarkey really hope this is this start of getting away from him and getting your life back Flowers

Atenco · 29/12/2015 16:43

Well done OP. and Fan and PitPat those are some of the best posts I have seen on MN

Wonderful posts that we can all learn from.

Topseyt · 29/12/2015 16:51

Well done OP. Now stay strong.

TheSpectreOfMorningtonCrescent · 29/12/2015 17:05

I'm so pleased Clarkey, like everyone has said-stay strong and follow police, saw and WA advice to the letter. Never be fooled that he has changed. Here's to a positive 2916

Jux · 29/12/2015 17:15

Hi again, Clarkey, hope WA were really helpful, and that you are somewhere safe.