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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 22:49

I'm guessing op relies on benefits

Lynnm63 · 28/12/2015 22:50

Clarkey Ffs you posted to ask us all to help. This thread is pretty much a rehash of the one three weeks ago. Now you only want people who agree with you to post. I fear we are all wasting our time and energy on you. If this is true, as a previous poster suggests it is, then God help your kids.

Im done. Isn't it past your bedtime and your 'abusive partner' doesn't seem to be monitoring your internet access tonight.

Jux · 28/12/2015 22:50

Oh Clarkey, good luck with WA tomorrow. Can you be more decisive with them? Can you say that yes, you need to get away from him NOW, that you don't want to go back there, that you are scared of him, and then that you need them to get you out now. Clarkey, please try.

Oh and don't worry about some of the things people have said here. It is very difficult to help you, as we know so little of your situation, and you aren't going to tell us any more.

We are ALL trying to help you though. I can guarantee that there is no one here who thinks your situation is OK and that you should stay there. Everone wants you to get out and live a happy life. One step at a time. One day you will be able to be more of a mother to your children, we all want that for you, and the first step is to report your situation to the police dv unit.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 22:51

Op.... How will you get the DC back from your parents?they don't know about the DV.... So why do they think they have them?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/12/2015 22:53

It's not nice talk you need right now

2015BeGone · 28/12/2015 22:55

I'm not a friend in RL no, I simply posted to vouch for the OP's credibility as I know her situation is genuine but can't say anymore or it will threaten her privacy.

OP - sorry to jump on your thread, I can see some of the replies aren't very helpful to you but I think posters are getting frustrated because you're repeating the same things over and over again, not answering any questions except for one sentence answers and not really properly engaging with anyone who is trying to help you see the reality of your situation.

MoominPie22 · 28/12/2015 22:59

My God woman, you have a LOT of threads! All talking about the same thing Shock I put your username in the search box at the top.

How many times are you gonna start a new thread, about the same subject, constantly saying " I'm gonna chat to Woman's Aid tomorrow about leaving this abusive relationship safely"???

How many times do you need to hear the same advice from us OVER AND OVER AGAIN??! It's honestly like a broken record cos tomorrow never comes and nothing ever changesHmm

I'll bet you've "chatted" with W.A many times now and heard the same advice over and over too!

Nobody is gonna come and do it for you, you know? People on here can only advise and steer you in the right direction. Believe me, everything that needs said has been said, going by your other ( many ) threads.

You stated in a prev thread (Sept or Oct ) that there is room for you at your parent's house. You state that the reason you don't tell them about the abusive relationship is due to feeling "embarassed"....really?? I do agree with a prev poster, now I've read your other threads, you do seem unnaturally more concerned about your dog then the fact your 60 odd yr old parents are bringing up your 3 kids ( under 7yrs old )as if they were their own, as opposed to them playing the role of "grandparents" ( how it should be ) which is just not right is it?

And if there's another reason ( that you aren't disclosing ) as to why your parents have your kids, what makes you think you would automatically get custody just cos you leave this scumbag? Which you obv have to do ( goes without saying ) but something doesn't add up. You don't get 3 kids taken from their mother for fuck all!

I'm sorry but I too have lost patience, having read all the other stuff you've posted on prev threads in the last few months. Is it cos you've no friends ( actually you state in a prev thread you DO have 1 friend ) to chat to? Or is it ( I'm starting to suspect, I'm afraid ) that you enjoy the drama and like the attention? Cos this is in no way normal. It sounds like you're so desperate for sympathy and people to reply to you but it actually comes across to me like a piss take too. You're making people reiterate the same bloody spiel countless times! Why not just re-read an old thread instead of keep on creating new ones?? Best wishes to you but I have very little hope you will make any changes to your life at this rate. You sound like you've very little intention of changing, cos you've had 4yrs to do something about it. Peace out.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 23:00

I will be speaking with woman's aid and getting a safety plan put in place incase be he does carry out the threats he's made to my family and also will be asking is there any refuge space for me to go where he cannot find me and be free from this relationship.

OP posts:
MoominPie22 · 28/12/2015 23:07

Keep telling yourself that mantra, luv. You might actually get yourself believing it! But I won't be holding my breath............

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/12/2015 23:09

Oh ffs does anyone have a spare brick wall we can all bash our heads on?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 23:11

How many children do you have op?

Minibelle · 28/12/2015 23:13

Can you answer the questions I posted clarkey? It's hard to give advice when your not being honest or taking any advice on board.

ThreeRuddyTubs · 28/12/2015 23:15

Why haven't you warned your family they are in danger? You obviously believe that they are as the threats are keeping you in the relationship. Don't you think they have a right to know about threats to their safety?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 23:27

TripTrap your obviously bored to keep commenting on my thread if you don't like my thread don't comment

OP posts:
LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 23:29

Just seen that OP suffers from depression and anxiety as mentioned in previous threads. I am wondering whether the threats have been blown out of proportion due to this and the OP seriously believes her boyfriend will carry them out.

Sorry OP, this kinda makes more sense with the mental health issues now. I can empathise.

YOU need to find the courage to leave and get real help for your mental health.

I am also wondering what your own childhood was like in view of you being embarrassed to open up to your parents about the suffering you are going through and how you would rather go into a refuge (which you have said you are anxious about) than live with your DC.

Dipankrispaneven · 28/12/2015 23:30

OP, I see you were going to talk to WA in September about getting a safety plan put in place. Why didn't that happen?

RumAppleGinger · 28/12/2015 23:33

Good luck tomorrow Clarkey. I hope you are able to gather your strength and take the first steps towards leaving this abusive man.

2015BeGone · 28/12/2015 23:34

Clarkey, you're obviously still reading this thread, can you not explain a bit further to the very kind posters who have asked genuine questions to help them understand? I honestly think people on here want to help you, it's just hard to get much out of you when you keep saying you're going to chat with women's aid and that's it.

Waltermittythesequel · 28/12/2015 23:40

Clarkey you've started thread after thread about this.
Always evasive, never really listening.

On another thread you say that you volunteered to have your dc live with your parents. Presumably you don't have a social worker involved with your family?

V

leccybill · 28/12/2015 23:43

You are not going to go tomorrow, are you.

Do you love your partner?

TheSecondViola · 28/12/2015 23:49

I will be speaking with woman's aid and getting a safety plan put in place incase be he does carry out the threats he's made to my family and also will be asking is there any refuge space for me to go where he cannot find me and be free from this relationship

You've already done all that though, you say. And you turned down the offer of refuge because of your pets?
So again, why are you asking Womens Aid for the advice they have already given you many times? And you have been given here many times?

There is only so many times you can be told the same things. And you don't take the help when offered it so its all a bit pointless.

If losing your children wasn't enough to leave him then nothing ever will be. The fact that your youngest was removed at birth suggests very serious abuse or neglect of the children, and you still chose to stay with him. Your chats with WA aren't going to change that.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 23:49

Hi LivingIn thanks for reading over my last threads i don't want to go to my parents after i have left my partner because i know he will go to my parents house looking for me.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 29/12/2015 00:05

Sorry I know this is not the mn way but I was in this thread at the start and read the op's previous thread but haven't had a chance to catch up this evening.

Has the op said what the "other reasons" are that her dc were removed or is she still being obtuse?

TheCakeDiet · 29/12/2015 00:07

This is one of the most frustrating threads I've ever been on.

Clarky my love, snapping at people along the lines of "If you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything" is not really the way to respond to people when they have given time and paragraphs to your problems. And you are not going to like everything you hear.

The plain truth is that most of us would do ANYTHING to be with our children. ANYTHING inudjng sacrificing a good relationship of that was what it took

So to read thread after thread about how you are going to call WA again tomorrow, doesn't really resonate as jumping through hoops to get your children back. And most of us can't comprehend your apparent lack of urgency about it.

You are in an Abusive relationship - no doubt about that. But you have support from parents and no marital ties. Stop fucking about on here, go to your parents house now - tonight, and start fighting for your children.

Shutthatdoor · 29/12/2015 00:09

Has the op said what the "other reasons" are that her dc were removed

No she hasn't

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