FIL kicked my DS (2) - advice please

[ChristmasAdvice]

Hi

This is my first time posting but I would really appreciate some perspective please.

On Christmas Eve my FIL kicked my DS (age 2) and my DH and I are really struggling to come to terms with it.

I was not there but my DS had kicked my FIL. My DH had told him not to kick and he ran off, then headed back to do the same again. My DH stepped between DS and FIL to prevent it happening again. FIL said no it's ok I've got this- he let my DS kick him and then FIL kicked him on the shin. It was hard enough that he cried hard and the bruise is still there.

I went round and told my FIL that it was not acceptable but he was angry with me for going round rather than sorry for what he had done.

We have not seen them since. Any discussions on the phone have basically indicated that they think we are over reacting.

Any advice would be welcome.

I think FATE made a really good post.

FIL's attitude after a couple of days cooling off would be the decider for me. Apologising and admitting it was the wrong thing to do - fine, let's all agree going forward this doesn't happen again, and have toddler and GD apologise to each other. He minimises and basically excuses himself - no dice, I would be minimising contact as a result.

As an aside - I'm early 40s and was regularly physically assaulted as a child. I remember my mum biting my sister when sis was about 2, as a punishment for biting me. "Just wait til your father gets home" was a common saying, at which point we'd be slapped or beaten around the head. My dad once hit me around the head for accidentally dropping a tissue into his breakfast; he smacked my head into the corner of the kitchen cabinet. I said "Shit!" as it hurt so much; he then smacked me across the other side of the head for swearing. Neither my sis or I have contact with either parent now. Draw your own conclusions.

This is real old school style discipline. It's wrong but it is how it used to be done. I don't think he was being seriously unkind in terms of trying to hurt him for no reason, just trying to teach him a lesson. Don't get me wrong but I don't think it's acceptable. I would just go with distance and breathing space until he comes round to realising that he can't do that and needs to apologise...again. I wouldn't contact them again. I would leave the ball in their court and if they say can they visit then I would ask for an apology first.

Well I stand by my 'replace FIL with childminder/godparent/next door neighbour' theory. Would you let that slide?

FFS, it was a piece of not - great, old school discipline which is pretty commonplace. Not acceptable, but...police?? Never letting him see his grandson again??? Totally ridiculous overreaction. FATEdestiny spoke a lot of sense.

Given the crappy nature of the existing relationship, I wouldn't be too arsed with this FIL.

From a loving GF with no previous, I could deal as a once off mistake.

But that would require a lot of existing trust and care.

Polly that attitude is the kind that allows abusers to continue with their happy, fake lives. PLENTY of old school older people don't kick toddlers!! My MIL and MUM and FIL are all headed for 70 and would be SICK at what this man did!!

OP don't let the man near!

At my children's old school it was the children with behaviour problems (ie the ones who kicked and pushed at school) that I saw being 'cuffed' on the bus. It's not really old fashioned but somehow acceptable parenting, just bad parenting.