me again-please help

[Cowscockwithonions]

I posted a couple of months back about ending my EA relationship, I'm not sure if anyone remembers me.
I remember acrossthepond and Anyfucker posting with advice/ support

My ex is still living here- he said he is moving out after Xmas-he knows it's over.

Today has been awful- he's been extremely nice, whereas past Christmases he's been awful- short tempered and moaning at the kids over anything.
The worst thing is though,
I said I didn't want any presents, I know he'd already bought me a couple of little bits 'from the kids', which I was ok with, as the kids wanted to buy me things.
So I bought him a couple of token presents from the kids- socks and chocolate.
He gave me the kids presents, then said he had also bought me some things which he wasn't going to give me as they were "inappropriate, given the circumstances", apparantly he bought them before we split.

Then, in front of the kids, he gave me the presents, knowing that i couldn't say "no I'm not accepting them" as he would act all hard done by and the kids would feel sorry for him.
He'd bought me a diamond ring , plus some very expensive presents.
Why did he do this? He knows we're over- I know he just wanted to make me feel bad, but why do it in front of the kids
I spent a tenner max on his presents from the kids, he spent about £600, according to the kids- he told them.
My head is so fucked up right now, the last few weeks we have been civil, and he did say that he's going to move out, so why, why why did he do this?
Not sure why I'm posting, I already know that he's doing it to make me feel guilty, guess I just wanted to sound off.
Please be gentle with me, I'm feeling very fragile at the moment, I feel like the nastiest person in the world

He came back to drop the cash card off.
He said he's been moved on by the police a few times for sleeping in his car- would this actually happen unless he was illegally parked?

op you need a mantra to repeat to him and yourself. Let\s brainstorm.
this is not my problem
my dcc come first
onward and upward
the new year will be better without him
mn is on my side
he is not a child
i am not his mother
he is an adult
etc
Oh and check the cash card and see how much is left on it.

Cows. It doesn't matter if the police would move someone along for sleeping in their car. Because he has NOT been sleeping in the car. Please stop believing everything he tells you. He's offering you these little tit-bits to make his lies more believable.

Every liar does this, weaving little bits of 'fact' into their lies to give them a tinge of truth. I could tell you a huge whopper about being taken to the hospital with a 'heart attack'. I could weave a few common facts about having an EKG, about being put on an IV, I could even tell you they had to use the paddles to 'bring me back to life'. But that doesn't mean any of it is actually true, just that I know enough to make a plausible lie.

Carcass, I can't help but believe him- he really doesn't have any friends or family, only work colleagues.
There is help out there for him- there's surely places for someone who has left home to stay?
You're right, there was a blanket in the car, along with all his stuff.

IF he was sleeping in the car, why would he ? he could have gone to travellers Inn & had nice big bed with clean sheets & a hot bath.
He wouldn't be moved on unless he was parked in a really stupid spot.
He is making it up

He isn't your problem. He has had ample opportunity to sort this out yet has refused to because he is banking on you caving and he will stop at nothing to get you to take him back.

He is lying, he is being awful to ALL the DC.

He's "sleeping in the car" because he wants me to feel sorry for him- he has some money so could stay in a b&b for a couple of nights, he also has colleagues he can ask- I'm sure he does.

I just know he wanted me to cave in and say he could stay.
He was making a big meal out of saying goodbye to our ds4, and I said to him that he didn't need to make a big deal out of it as he could see him soon- I'm not going to stop him seeing his son.
Luckily my dd and dsd had a friend here- so he didn't cause a scene- he never does in front of other people

My stbxh sounds like his twin! He has spent all day making groaning sounds and now talks in this pathetic whiny voice, I have told him he has one week to go or else I will look at an occupation order.
I have come very close to caving, until he said he hopes to build a better relationship with dd once she is older and stops pissing him off!!!!!

Lonely- my ex talks in the same sad whiny voice.
Earlier today after he left, I took the kids to the shops to get some snacks for tonight, ds4 got into a strop about something ( I wouldn't let him eat his sweets right at that moment!) and he called me a dickhead- a name my ex used to call the kids sometimes, and me.
I'm so glad he's gone

IF he is sleeping in the car, it's because he assumes you will cave. as soon as he realises you are not caving, he will get a flat/room somewhere. Dickhead !

Onward and upward, Cows! New year, new you, new life. It'll be good. Don't cave.

He's still apparantly sleeping in the car according to dsd, he really is giving the guilt trip- he told her that he doesn't have much money left, but the money he did have he used to buy a pillow and blanket.
He also told her that she was the only person he'd spoken to all day.
I've told her that he shouldn'th be telling her things like that, because he knows it'd upset her.
I hate that he's involving the kids in this.

Yes, it's dreadul behaviour, and abusive. He really shouldn't be loading his emotions onto the children,mmaking them feel responsible for his happiness. Are you keeping notes of this? I think you should.

I've not been keeping notes of what he's saying to the kids- I think I ought to, he's acting like he has nowhere to go- and said that he's "sleeping rough". There is help for homeless people surely? I know that he's pulling all the stops out to make me feel sorry for him, and to ask him to sleep here. He's acting as though I kicked him out- I didn't, I just told him that he needed to find somewhere else to live after Xmas.
Our ds4 is so upset with all this, his behaviour over the last few days has been awful- he's been attacking me, pinching and hitting me, and saying horrible things to me and his brothers and sisters, he's so emotional.

poor children - he really is appalling

Witchway- I know he is
Why would any adult put their worries and problems onto a child?
I'm trying my best to make the kids happy, ive not had to try too hard though- the house has been a lot more relaxed and happier since he's gone.
And also, me and dsd have gotten on a lot better- when he was here she would have a terrible attitude towards me, I'm not sure what's changed, and why she would be different towards me when he's not here?

I still say he's NOT sleeping in his car. If he's been 'sleeping in the car' for a almost week (starting the 27th?) now, where is he showering, shaving, getting his clothes clean? He certainly hasn't gone into work a stinky, rumply mess. Honestly, he's so full of shit it comes out both ends!

Keep a record of his shitty manipulative remarks, absolutely!

And all you can do is calmly reassure the children that he has resources to use, but his own reasons to want you all to believe he isn't using them.

what an utter b*stard.

A shame he doesn't take the ring back for a deposit for a flat, eh?

Don't fold.

Across- I've told the children that he has plenty of places he can go, and that sleeping in the car isn't necessary- tbh, I think that the two eldest (dsd14 and dd13) understand.
He came to the house on New Year's Eve to give me the cash card, he had a bath and washed his clothes, then left.
He is using the car- we only have one car, and I used it (while he was washing his clothes and bathing) to go food shopping. All of his stuff was in the car- clothes, toiletries, plus there was some tinned fish and plastic cutlery.

Doreen, I'm not going to fold, I'm not putting up with his shit anymore, and like I said, the house has been sooo much happier and peaceful since he's left.

I don't think you're going to fold now OP, you would have done it by now. I'm properly impressed. I would have.

Be ready for nasty ex, he'll step it up soon. Hopefully he'll just go quietly but ime a man who will use his kids to manipulate escalates things

Thanks gamer - you're right, things have gone too far now, my mind is made up and I'm beyond folding!
He's said a few nasty things, one minute he's acting all "heart broken", the next minute accusing me of finding someone else- he's sure that I've found "another bloke".
At the moment, the thought of being with any man turns my stomach, I've had enough of all of them!

If he does ask if he can come back to the house to stay until he finds somewhere else, what should I say to him?