Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Relationships

Found something interesting on partners phone...

162 replies

NotSpeaking · 21/12/2015 10:24

We haven't spoken in 3 days, this is really bad. We never not speak. Have been together 11 years, 2 kids under 4 and Im currently heavily pregnant at 8 months with number 3.
The problem is I find him totally inconsiderate. He was depressed for a while and started exercising which was great, but means I have to cook for him at 9/10 pm at night after he has got home from work and done his training. My 2yr old is getting up 3 times a night for some reason and my bladder is waking me up 7 times a night (no bladder infection checked with doctor) To say Im knackered is an under statement. He also falls asleep on the sofa and doesnt come upstairs until 5am which again wakes me up.
He is still being snappy at me with pressures of work and because Im hormonal I do a bit of silent crying about it. Think Ive started to cry everyday, usually Im not so sensitive, Im quite tough nut but at the moment Im not. I have tried to let it go over my head and not react but he woke me up after I had finally got to sleep and I just totally lost it. Earlier in the day I had tried to nap but because he was tickling our 4year old it was making her scream her head off, which obviously woke me again. Since I lost it, he refused to talk to me and we haven't spoken since Friday. We never not speak EVER.
Its been a slow slow burner of me becoming more and more frustrated. I have approached him many times in different ways telling him how tired I am and how he needs to be more considerate. It goes in one ear and out the other. We also havent had sex in months due to miscarriage worries and i find he never initiates any kind of loving kiss and cuddle to me. Looked on his phone and all I can see is porn sites in his history. Im quite liberal so I dont usually mind but today Ive actually seen him looking at an escort sites for escorts in the area where he comes on his way home via train. Im not sure what to think because he looked last night??

OP posts:

Report

cestlavielife · 23/12/2015 15:20

op needs proper legal advice - leverage/bargaining tools just dont work with an abuser! they dont care they really dont.

suggesting she engages ina short marriage to try and get more assets is ridiculous really - subject yourself -and the children because they are impacted whatever op might say - to more abuse for the sake of what? what price are you putting on this? it's ok to suffer abuse for another year to get half a house and spousal maintenance? ?

unmarried you can use schedule 1 childrens act to get assets etc for the children.... that is what counts anyway. the children.

when children grown up a bit op can work and support herself.....

Report

BastardGoDarkly · 24/12/2015 01:06

You OK op?

Report

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 24/12/2015 02:11

Just read the thread. I'm so sorry you have children with this moron. Am glad you are feeling resolute to binning him as he is of zero use to you. What a cruel, unfeeling man. Partners should be loving, supportive and caring. They should share responsibilities equally. Even if he no longer loves / likes you, he could at least show some respect as the pregnant mother of his children! The way he speaks / acts towards you is disgusting. The escorts would actually be the lest of my concerns!

I have three young children (8, 5, 8 months) and it is extremely hard work. And that is with a husband who does a fully equal share of everything. So you're going to need support and help once the baby is here - but you can do it.

Please do get away from him though, he'll never change.

Report

Chopz · 24/12/2015 03:07

Stay stong OP

Report

Enoughalreadyyou · 24/12/2015 12:36

Hope you are ok. I know what you're going through. Been there and am out the other side. The hurt and shock doesn't last forever.

Report

NotSpeaking · 25/12/2015 10:02

Hi guys. Thanks for caring. Past few days have just been horrible really. I'm in agony and just been told baby could be transverse position. Everything hurts. Got his family over here for XMAS and just want everyone to leave. He spent most of XMAS eve arguing over some £1million deal with his boss and everytime I approached him I got barked at. I just can't bare it here, this baby coming and getting on my feet can't come quicker. Going to have to stick here for a while until I can afford my own place then I'm off. Not letting him bring me down is so hard. He is such a miserable person.

OP posts: