works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

It's funny, my DH takes his ring off when doing DIY and always makes a point of telling me he's doing it. Maybe he thinks I'm very paranoid, but weirdly, I find it oddly endearing.

the problem is, if you keep it to yourself it'll just eat away at you and the pain and suspicion will manifest in other ways, you need it off your chest and out in the open, then you either believe him or not then you cross those bridges as and when

I don't know why rings are removed for drinking games either.

However, having been part of loads of predominately male office parties, I don't think it's that unusual for them to go on afterwards and for married men to remove rings so they don't cramp their single friends' style or so they can be part of the fun chatting up a group of women.

It would however be very unusual for an otherwise decent/trustworthy married man to take it any further with the full knowledge of his colleagues.

Op, you said they often go on after. Would this be til 5am and without the I love you mate?

I really hope he has a feesible explanation. It is possible.

Do men really take their rings off anymore?

I hope there is an innocent explanation.

I think the taking it off whilst vomiting/cleaning up is perhaps a more likely explanation if he's been in bed all day, he's obviously pretty hungover.

I wouldn't think taking your ring off to chat up another woman was acceptable even if she rejected him. The intent is there!

Also what are these drinking games that involve you putting away your wedding ring?!

I imagine the taking a ring off when hot thing is because your finger swells. I do this. My dh never takes his off, but his has always been on the loose side so doesn't bother him. I've left mine off since dc2.

Anyway, I would say try not to let your mind go into overdrive yet OP. All sorts of odd things happen on drunken nights out that might add up to a reasonable explanation.

I would ask straight out I think because I couldn't help it, and that's the kind of straightforwardness I usually deal in, but I can see why others suggest waiting.

Hope there's a good outcome.

He has prob been panicking all day as to where his ring is.
Hope you get to the bottom of it.

Well that's the thing. Might he hide from you the fact he's lost it not wanting to worry you about it until he's had a chance to track it? If there is an innocent explanation hiding it from him might set up a chain of events where he is being shifty about it anyway, therefore clouding the issue.

I don't know, I'd have to ask I think. You know him.

I take mine off constantly (I'm not wearing them now), especially when drunk as I fiddle with them and have dropped before (I also swelled up when pregnant but doubt that's his excuse).
Hope it's nothing OP

Good luck op

Hope it turns out like "v drunk, threw up, took ring off to wash hands" or "being wing man for pal"

Best just be honest with him about how your feeling. If it turns out to be innocent you can just laugh it off,
If something did happen its best you know the truth or it's going to eat you up inside and ruin Christmas.

I had an operation 7 years ago I gave mine to OH and he lost them.

But op. You cannot jump to conclusions. There may be an innocent explanation.

Satsuki - that is a very good point, I wouldn't tell my dh if i'd lost my wedding ring as I wouldn't want to upset him.

Be careful judging his reaction. He could've thought up a story and/or be worried about telling you if he thought it was lost. I would ask him where he'd been until 5 am first. It doesn't look good but there could be a reasonable explanation. (Although I can't think of any if he NEVER takes it off).

If he has cheated, is he likely to tell you the truth?

Really wish someone would explain the removal of rings for drinking games...
OP there could be an innocent reason for this & I really hope there is.

Yeah, I'm not sure what was to be gained by taking the ring, actually. Unless OP was trying to forestall any "What are you talking about, I've been wearing it all along?" defenses. Although she could have just photographed his hand, I suppose.

I think this could all be quite innocent and rarely do I think that on relationship threads on MN but I take my rings off all the time. For some reason, they randomly irritate my skin. I can go months with no problems and then suddenly my ring finger becomes red and painful.

So I guess I fall more to the idea that there could be a perfectly innocent explanation. The fact he didn't put it back on when he got home also points to it being innocent imo. If he was conscious enough of what he was doing to take off his ring and cheat then surely he'd remember to put it back on again?

I also wouldn't put too much weight in the phone call from the colleague. People leave at different times.

I hope you manage to have an open chat about it tonight. For your own peace of mind, you need to know what happened.

I used to go on nights out in London where some of my male colleagues would regularly take their wedding rings off so they could chat up or pull other women. I can't remember any of them caring at all if their colleagues knew about it or not. Sorry OP but I don't think it looks good.

I really hope it's innocent.

Presumably he took his ring off before he got extremely drunk. I can see how that would slip one's mind when stumbling home at 5am, totally pissed.

Sorry to be a negative nelly, but I really cannot see an innocent explanation - taking a ring off at a party because you're

hot
playing a game
suddenly getting skin irritation?

Come ON. Call a spade a spade. I do hope for OP's sake that he has a logical explanation but I'd be very skeptical unless it was EXTREMELY good.

Dunno about you lot but, when I'm in the middle of an emotionally upsetting experience, I do not tend to behave with scientific precision and consider all possible outcomes before choosing an action

I tend to play for time, which is what OP did. (She hadn't got any time at that point, anyway.)

My rings come off if I get too hot, I find it unbearable.

I have played a drinking game where you have to grab small items off the table (one less item than players/ player that is left without the item has to drink). We all took our rings off IIRC.

Really hope there's a simple explanation OP.

I often take my rings off towards the end of an evening for comfort. I don't know why. When I get hot dancing when out, my fingers can swell, and I have a pocket in my handbag where I zip the rings if I'm not at home. Does your DH ever take his ring off at home, eg to wash up, or at night? If it's always on his finger I agree this does seem suspicious, but if he's like me and habitually removes his ring for certain activities (playing pool is actually a good example given he's probably been in a pub or club) then I don't think you need to leap to any dire conclusions.

I wouldn't have thought anybody could seriously believe that a man would take a ring off his finger and put it in his pocket because it would be ''safer'' there , or, take a ring off his finger because his finger was 'hot'.
delusional