works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

I just took my rings off because the house is warm and they were starting to feel tight.

I really hope there's an innocent explanation OP.

Deep breaths

kate you're not at a party with distractions like conversation, company and alcohol though, are you?

I've recently been chatted up by a married man and found out and yes, he took his ring off. I'm sick of meeting / reading about men who just can live an honest life.

I thought taking off a wedding ring to chat someone up was just something that happened on TV/in films - I didn't realise that people actually do this.

I think that you may well find there's an innocent explanation, I hope so anyway, although I can't instantly think of one

I hope everything works out for the best OP and there's a simple explanation

I worked with plenty of men who would remove their wedding ring as a joke (not really funny) on nights out. Nothing inappropriate would happen though other then innocent flirting

All you can do is ask.

There may be a perfectly reasonable excuse.

The hotel party was clearly over before midnight

My work do is tonight. I will be leaving before midnight. Others will be staying until 2am (or possibly later depending on when the venue decides to close and whether or not they decide to go on somewhere else). The fact that someone left a "good night" voicemail before midnight does not mean the party was over at that time.

I never take my wedding ring off at home. However, having lost a previous wedding ring many years ago I take mine off whenever I am in a situation where I think it might get lost or damaged (or might cause damage to me, e.g. when I'm going to be exposed to moving machinery). If my wife thought there was only one reason a man would take off his wedding ring I would be in huge amounts of trouble.

It could be something or it could be nothing. I certainly wouldn't be jumping to conclusions without more information/evidence.

My dh lost his wedding ring in a pocket before. We searched everywhere, couldn't find it, it turned up months later, in his suit pocket (he had worn it previously to a work function). It had been loose for a while. He was gutted when he lost it.
Op, Would you point out that your dh's ring is not on his finger to gauge his reaction and try to retrace his steps(possibly, if he's innocent, he will say where he was and where he thinks he lost it). I hope there is an innocent explanation

I have actually seen men in pubs doing this : eyeing up a women and then subtly removing their ring. It's not because they were 'too hot'.

Not that I'm saying OP's DH did this.

If he was that drunk I doubt he was capable of acting on any urges.

Maybe someone dared him to take it off, to see if any girls showed interest. It could be just due to a juvenile lark like that.

Might he have taken it off to wash his hands?

I don't think I'd try to trap him. Just ask him straight out. "I'd be interested to know why you took your wedding ring off while out partying."

Good luck OP.

(or might cause damage to me, e.g. when I'm going to be exposed to moving machinery).

Bloody hell! I'm sorry to keep hammering this point home, but is he likely to be doing DIY or MOVING BLOODY MACHINERY at a work party at 3am???

Sorry, sorry, I'll try and stop now.

As a PP suggested, the voicemail might have been left by a friend who was himself leaving the party - it doesn't necessary follow that your DH was the one who left at 11:45.

And people have offered all kinds of reasons for his ring being off.

Taking what you say about having a strong marriage into account, there is a good reason to believe that everything can be explained away innocently.

The one thing that rings alarm bells for me is your gut instinct. That, for me, is the hardest thing to ignore.

Keep listening to your gut when you talk to him. It's all you really have.

It's not that people are delusional but the OP is already worried and vulnerable, and doesn't need to get more upset than she already is before speaking to her husband. With an otherwise trustworthy man in an otherwise happy marriage it is worth giving the benefit of the doubt before hearing his explanation.

Putting myself in the OP's shoes - my dh never takes his ring off, worries about losing it because it's loose and his dad lost his once, never once given me reason to doubt him in all the years we've been together - I'd want to give him the chance to explain before automatically assuming he'd been unfaithful on such 'evidence'.

Hope you're OK OP.

satsuki you're absolutely right and I do genuinely hope the OP's DH has a good explanation.

Course he didn't take the ring off in the club when he was hot but OP doesn't know when it came off does she? OP found out at 7.30 when she turfed him off the sofa.
Could have taken it off when he was in the cab home or flopped on the sofa still in his jacket.

Or is that beyond any possibility/delusional too?

Hope he has a good explanation OP. I inexplicably took two of my rings off while under the influence the other week - not my wedding rings but the ones on my middle two fingers of my right hand. No idea why. I found them on the floor the next morning.

I quite often take all jewelry off after I've been drinking before going to sleep. No idea why as I don't do it sober.

It's one of these things I'll never understand.

Good luck OP, I hope you can talk about it and there's a reasonable explanation x

The OP says "He never takes his ring off, ever". Sounds bad.

Hoping for the best for you OP

Thinking of you op, I agree with pps that his face and manner will probably tell you all you need to know.

I think if he crashed on the sofa and has been in bed all day the overwhelming likelihood is he was far too drunk to get up to anything! People do all kinds of stuff for no reason when they're really smashed. he's probably done nothing wrong at all.
My dh has never worn a ring, in 12 years of marriage. by the logic of some on this thread he must be of shagging like mad. Frankly, if he gets the time with the schedule he has, I take my hat off to his organizational abilities.

One time I remember my dh did take his ring off, actually, was when he was being sick and didn't want it near the toilet/get sick on it. That's a possibility.