works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

Yes, why was he out till 5am? With who? With no ring on? The hotel party was clearly over before midnight - it's making me feel sick

I am so sorry, Oneday.

I like munky's expression: prepare to be in instinct-listening mode. And take your time. Don't give him the ring until you're ready.

Have you some trusted friends to confide in?

Hmm colleague's message is worrying. So where did he go?

I'm trying to not jump to conclusions but it is very hard for me not to :(

Whenninsplot had a wedding ring I only ever took it off if there was a risk of losing it. As he was drinking etc maybe he putnit in his pocket for safe keeping? It's a stretch though tbh.

The women at work would know he was married. Taking ring off to chat up somebody who doesn't know him.

Possibly pissed as a fart, spotted a pretty girl and took off ring. Most likely ( if that drunk) struck out, slept it off on a colleagues floor and crawled home .

Is he up and about yet?

I will be home at 5pm, DD1 said he has been in bed all day.

Right so the ring came off for one of two reasons then. He was at least flirting with another woman with intent (at least at some point of it) or (less likely) there was some sort of drunken capers - dares, drinking games - that required him to remove his ring.

OP I accept the betrayal is bad enough if there was enough intent on your DH's part to remove his ring but it does not mean to say he cheated. Possible OW may not have been interested and didn't respond or he changed his mind and didn't go through with it.

It sounds like you have a good marriage so I would like to think your DH feels guilty enough (if he has reason) to be honest with you. I hope the outcome isn't as bad as you fear.

Oh Oneday. You know your husband best so your instincts may well be right and anything else might clutching at straws. I'd definitely talk to him about it.

Having said that I was at one party where a friend drunkenly "bet" his wedding ring and then apparently pocketed it when he got it back, thought he'd lost it the next day (cue big drama, nothing to do with cheating though, more him losing stuff).

So it can randomly happen, although very very different circumstances I appreciate

Keep the ring, do not mention it to him. Let him mention it first.

Why did he come home at 5 am?

If I were you OP, I'd keep quiet about last night. No doubt he will start talking about it, as a PP said, watch his body language very closely.

What does your gut insinct tell you ? It's rarely wrong ime

I don't see the point in coming up with genuine reasons for taking the ring off when it was in his suit pocket. He didn't take it off to clean the car did he?

Very suspicious I'm afraid, along with the coming home at 5am.

Not sure of the significance of the message at that time of the evening,

'prepare to be in instinct-listening mode'

^ This.

Trust your instincts, they exist for a reason.

My gut tells me he did something stupid like pp suggested, tried to chat someone up - whether anything happened I won't ever know and will only be able to assume based on his reaction.

'OP I accept the betrayal is bad enough if there was enough intent on your DH's part to remove his ring but it does not mean to say he cheated'

This too is quite possible.

Do not lead him into a conversation though OP - let him do the leading. Let him talk.

OP - I think you should speak to him as if nothing is wrong, and ask how his night went/who was there etc. if he says that the guy who left the voicemail was with him the whole time then you know he is lying about that.

I do think that if things have been great in the marriage, and something has happened, then he will come clean quite quickly.

Sorry you are going through this worry . . . but remember that there could be another explanation xxxx

You will know if he cheated as soon as you see him tonight OP, it will be written all over his face. Hopefully he didn't.

Your instinct sounds right, you know your own husband.

My exh would never have come in at 5am after a night out. I don't think you chat someone up till 5am?

Oh OP.

Don't mention the ring, you'll be able to tell by his behaviour if he's been looking for it.

I'd also let him mention the ring first.

Oh and I agree, don't lead the conversation, see what he comes out with.

Fingers crossed for you OP that there's a reasonable explanation.

I take my rings off all the time

Sometimes they feel too tight, sometimes too loose and I'm worried about them falling off. Sometimes I'm doing something where I might get them mucky or damaged.

There could be lots of reasons, I would expect that if he had done anything wrong he would have been mindful enough to put it back on.

I agree with the people who suggest keeping the ring somewhere (not hidden but out of sight) but saying nothing, and see how long it takes before he mentions it.
When he does, if he openly says something like 'I wonder where my ring is. It was in my jacket pocket' you probably have no need to worry. You'll know if he acts weird.
The hardest bit would be saying nothing, however tempting!