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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

577 replies

Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 15:06

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

OP posts:
NickAngel · 18/12/2015 15:54

It's hard not to think the worst but it's probably as pp suggested; a game involving rings or took it off to show someone. If he's been in bed all day it would suggest huge hangover rather than anything else.
How did you know about the voicemail? Why would colleague call your DH?

ProfessorPickles · 18/12/2015 15:55

I think you should act like nothing has happened and see what he is like when you get home. Quiz him but just as you would usually like who were you with where did you go etc. Then take it from there.

Someone mentioned previously that he may have removed his ring to chat someone up but she may not have been interested so he didn't cheat. I really don't see the difference if it was my DP and he had still tried, I'd be equally upset if either of those situations happened!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 18/12/2015 15:55

There could be lots of reasons, I would expect that if he had done anything wrong he would have been mindful enough to put it back on.

When's he's extremely drunk? Hmm.

nilbyname · 18/12/2015 15:58

Yes wait it out- he could be like, I've lost my ring, I had it in here and now it's gone. If he is blasé and innocent about it, then I think you're ok.

Your posts do suggest that there has been something else going on in the past?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/12/2015 16:01

Quiz him but just as you would usually like who were you with where did you go etc. Then take it from there.

That only works if you usually quiz him after nights out. If you don't, it won't come across half as naturally.

I'm not married but went drinking with some clients a few nights ago. Most of them were married and we played drinking games, all but one took their ring off. They weren't sneakily doing it, it was done in plain view and the rings put in their jackets or briefcases for safekeeping. It could be something innocent.

Also, I leave drunk voicemails for loads of people. Just because his colleague went home doesn't mean the party ended, it means his colleague left. That could have been for any reason - curfew, plans the next day, catching the last train.

It might not be good, and absolutely trust your instincts because they are the strongest thing you've got, but don't jump to the worst conclusion yet.

toffeeboffin · 18/12/2015 16:01

' If he is blasé and innocent about it, then I think you're ok.'

Yes, Nilby, but remember that he has also been on Dadsnet all day asking for advice on how to look innocent.

He will have his story and tactics prepped too.

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 16:02

Guys you have all been really helpful. I'm not going to say anything and see how the night evolves, I haven't got it in me for any drama tonight.

I will be able to tell once he starts talking. Thank you for keeping me open to the fact there is a slim chance there may be a reason for this.

The reason I know his mate left the voicemail is I listened to it this morning, his phone was in the kitchen. We don't lock our phones or hide our emails or texts, normally a very open, trusting relationship. He is actually my best friend which is why I'm so hurt and my eyes are stinging :(

OP posts:
Orrla · 18/12/2015 16:03

Why do people take their wedding rings off for drinking games? Is it a dare or something?

SoWhite · 18/12/2015 16:03

OneDay I'm so sorry. Fingers crossed he failed miserably at pulling. And good luck for the conversation later.

toffeeboffin · 18/12/2015 16:03

Good luck Oneday Brew

BabyGanoush · 18/12/2015 16:04

sounds like a foolish moment: seeing pretty girl and hiding the ring.

How old is he? Mid life crisis age?

bjrce · 18/12/2015 16:04

OP.

Does he often sleep on the sofa after a night out? That's v unusual in itself. If he doesn't then that's a bad sign.

I don't think playing games is the way to go. Ask him outright why he didn't have his ring on him when he came in last night.

Devastatedcoconut605 · 18/12/2015 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 16:06

He is 45, and always sleeps on sofa in kitchen after a night out as I hate being woken and my sleep disturbed by a drunk Dh, so that is completely normal

OP posts:
Whatevva · 18/12/2015 16:07

He may have gone out with colleagues to the night club, who were on the pull and took it off so as not to put potential suitors off them but stay with them Hmm. Totally possible if he was drunk, and persuaded. Sort of, see how the other half live, sort of thing.

cjt110 · 18/12/2015 16:08

I dont usually like commenting on these kinds of threads because whilst we read it as a "story" it's someone's actual lives and words of advice can be taken the wrong way and cause problems for an actual person.

One thing that hasn't been suggested - ask him where his ring is - That you've noticed he hasn't got it on and he will likely tell you "Oh it's in my jacket pocket because...."

liinyo · 18/12/2015 16:10

Good luck xx

Helenluvsrob · 18/12/2015 16:10

Why don't you just ask him OP "Dh where is your ring, it's not on your finger?"

Stop agonising and clear the issue up!

I have my wedding ring on a chain now with mums engagement ring but for 20+ out of 25yrs married it was in a drawer at home ( after I was preg with eldest)

Elendon · 18/12/2015 16:11

You obviously suspect something is up. Why can't you talk to someone in real life about this?

Does he have another phone?

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 18/12/2015 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlissfullyUnknown · 18/12/2015 16:14

Good luck. Hope it's nothing.

var123 · 18/12/2015 16:18

Where is the ring now?

MuttonWasAGoose · 18/12/2015 16:21

So you do have his ring?

He may say that he has no idea where it's gone. But he may have a colourful story that doesn't involve putting it in his pocket.

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 16:23

I have got the ring.

I haven't got any close friends or anyone I would share relationship stuff with in rl, that's why I've posted here, just so I could off load. I don't want to tell my family to put a potential downer on Christmas

OP posts:
Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 16:23

I hope it's nothing too, I'm going home now . Will check in later X

OP posts:
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