works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

I understand that. Forums are good for that, although you do end up being entertainment for others. Hopefully, you'll get good advice, support, etc.

His reaction will tell you all you need to know. As others have said, there may be a perfectly innocent explanation

I really hope there is an innocent explanation, but I think you will know as soon as you start to talk about it to him. Personally I would hang onto the ring, say nothing, and see what happens.

The only thing you can do is see if he lies about being with the friend. He could easily make up reasons why he took his ring off. It's the friend info that'll give you the best idea of whether he's done anything rotten.

He may have thought about chatting someone up, taken his ring off, then thought better of it.

Good luck this evening, I hope that he's honest with you, whatever the explanation

I'm usually fairly suspicious when I read threads like these, but my DH lost his wedding ring on a night out a couple of years ago, having taken it off when he got too hot in a nightclub.
He was gutted and felt really stupid but it never occurred to me not to believe him.
I think you will just have to trust your judgement when you speak to him.

Good luck, I hope you get a satisfactory answer.

Everyone at his work will know he's married so taking his ring off when he was at a works do will have done nothing to convince anyone he was single. It would be a pointless exercise.

The friend's voicemail was probably when he / she left the party and was on their way home. It wouldn't make sense the other way round.

I'm sure there is an innocent explanation. If your relationship is good and he is your best friend then just ask him!

Agreed it doesn't sound exactly great. But it could be for any number of innocent reasons. Or even a mild flirtation. But I don't think you should immediately jump to the conclusion that this is a full blown affair starting.

If your relationship is as good as you say why don't you just ask him instead of dragging it out?

If he was drunk as can be & has been in bed all day, I doubt that he was capable of doing anything much last night.what woman would want to be with a man in his state?

I honestly wouldn't jump to conclusions, but I would ask him about it. My dh has to take his wedding ring off in winter as his fingers shrink when he's outside in the cold and the ring slips off ( it's titanium so can't be resized). Mine do too, but my ring is a snigger fit to start with.

I'd watch to see what he does to find the ring and what stories he offers about last night. If it was a normal night and there was an innocent reason why he took the ring off, then he'd tell you about the night and ask you to help him find the ring, wouldn't he?

Then when you've found out what he's willing to offer without prompting, I'd drop the ring close to wherever he left his keys or down the sofa and let him find it himself.

Oh OP I'd feel exactly the same, it's like a gripping fear isn't it. My exp a long time ago has an affair and I found msg in his phone. This is probably entirely inappropriate but I double bluffed him, I saw he'd rang for a taxi at 5am after he told me he's been home at 11.30 the night before. I told him that someone had already told me what he's done and that I wanted to hear it from him, he blurted the whole thing out. I was very young then and tbh I didn't feel any better afterwards as the pain was still there... Was the colleague female? If I was you I'd do what the others have suggested, put the ring in front of him, ask where he was until 5am and just tell him that this doesn't need to be the end but unless he's honest with you, and you believe him, he's going to need to move out until you can collect your thoughts. Hopefully it won't come to that but, I sometimes think men presume that if they tell the truth they could loose everything, if you explain that whatever he's done, it's not the end, he may feel able to confide in you. Which is what you need, you need to know what happened above everything else, once you have the truth and not the fear and imagination, you can work out what you can and can't handle/let go of/live with. My heart is breaking for you OP, I'm so so sorry you're going through this xxx

Do you have other reasons to think he might have been unfaithful? If all other actions where normal, such as sleeping on the couch and being out until 5, the why did you check to see if his ring was on (or check his pockets and found it) and listen to his voicemail?

It just seems that it's massive leap in a trusting relationship to the conclusion that he's been unfaithful? Unless there's been other things.

I don't think playing a game such as keeping his ring and waiting till he comments or asking him where it is (when you know) is a very good idea.

Just ask him straight out - he's had time to sober up now.

I would just ask straight out too. I'm not a game player and your relationship sounds good Op.
Long-term there's nothing to be gained by hiding the ring
He'll quite rightly accuse you of being weird. Especially if he's dine nothing wrong. Bit gaslightingy too me.

Magical The office work do finished at midnight-ish. He was out to 5.00am. He could have gone on somewhere else with people who don't know he is married.

I wouldn't call taking your ring off to flirt with someone a 'mild flirtation' either.

OP I hope there is an innocent explanation. If he did cheat then he's hardly going to tell you if you ask him, but his reaction should help you to work out if someone has gone on or not.

I really hope it is innocent OP

AnchorDownDeepBreath

I'm not married but went drinking with some clients a few nights ago. Most of them were married and we played drinking games, all but one took their ring off. They weren't sneakily doing it,

What was it about the games that needed them to remove their rings? That's not a normal thing to do when playing drinking games, or am I missing something?

I don't play games either.

However, if she asks him outright he will deny it (assuming of course he has cheated). That will give him a chance to hide any other evidence. I think I would be a bit sneaky to be honest. It isn't how I conduct my marriage usually, but if I suspected cheating for a good reason I am not so sure I would ask outright. I think I would want to keep my eyes open first while he doesn't realise I'm suspicious.

my DH lost his wedding ring on a night out a couple of years ago, having taken it off when he got too hot in a nightclub.

I'm sorry, but that makes me laugh my head off. Yes, removing ONE piece of jewellery is well known for bringing one's core temperature down. Not sure whether to file that one under "wife naivety" or "drunken 'that seemed like a logical idea at the time'".

Are you sure there are no other concerns.

If this happened to other people would they immediately think "cheating"?

My ex-husband came in after a night out with no wedding ring once.. He said he'd had to take it off while playing pool... I did believe him at the time (because I wanted to) but looking back - no - it was for the obvious reason...grrrr......the little bugger!! WELL glad he's gone now though!!! :)

But if the OP plays games and there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for her DH removing his ring then she runs the risk of making herself look a bit of an idiot.

U2, I suppose it would depend on if he had a valid excuse or not - plus his body language. If he's given the chance to raise it himself rather than being put on the spot, I think OP is less likely to get an honest answer (unless he's spent all day coming up with and practicing a casual excuse in the mirror).

I know someone who used to take her ring off sometimes like that just to flirt with her old single life in her head at parties. She always put it back on afterwards and never ever would have done anything remotely inappropriate. She has 3 grown up kids now and is very happily married. I wouldn't jump to conclusions on it. Your dh sounds lovely.