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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

577 replies

Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 15:06

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

OP posts:
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 21/12/2015 16:51

No I didn't. But I do think that some posters in the Relationships section have a tendency to be a little pushy with posters that don't immediately LTB when they are told to. And then if someone questions that logic, they are harangued off the thread. I have seen that happen a lot during the years I've lurked and posted.

That's not an attack on anyone in particular - just an observation that advice offered may not be taken by the OP of a thread, and I don't think it's very fair that posters disagreeing with the ltb diatribe are persecuted either!

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 16:52

And now you are implying that as well as being bitter ole hags who have been dumped because we don't attend strip clubs with our menfolk we have nothing better to do than sit on the internet tormenting people. Which is odd, because you keep popping back up too at the same kind of frequency.

Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 16:53

Wow. I've been following this thread from the start and it's a real shame the vipers have got their hands on it. Glad the OP seems to have stepped away now

Jan45 · 21/12/2015 16:54

I can see why your user name is Potato.

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 16:55

Jan Grin

Some right goady fuckers on here today.

Hissy · 21/12/2015 16:59

Speak for yourself potato

Most of us DON'T lie actually, not about rings, and strippers and fights.

Most of us value the relationships we have and the people we love.

Perhaps if you did spend a bit more time around here you would see thread after thread after thread where men act out of character, refuse to discuss, get pissy, then weave some story.

Then they elaborate when dw/DP doesn't understand some convoluted or frankly baffling detail...

Then they only kissed her

Then it was only the one shag

Then it's been going on for weeks/months/years, and he's leaving

I'm not saying that's the case here, but more often than not it is, and his story makes no sense at all.

If the op is happy with that for Christmas, for now, that's fine, but I think this will niggle away, it's not resolved and I think there is more to come.

I hope that not one single soul would ever have to go through this, but the truth today is better than finding out you've been lied to for years. That devastates a person.

HermioneWeasley · 21/12/2015 17:17

potato you're right, we are all dried up, frigid and unattractive - bitter because no man will have sex with us, wanting the OP to be as lonely and bitter as we are. That is our only motivation.

if we could only be as sexy and cool and articulate as you.

Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 17:17

Well if it's true that there is more to come then isn't it sad that the OP has been chased away by the 'goady fuckers'?

MoominPie22 · 21/12/2015 17:42

Seriously, why is this thread still going? The OP checked out long ago after getting all that she required.

Step away from the keypads ladies....[santa] LOL

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 17:55

The OP hasn't been "chased" away. She updated and said she had got what she needed for now. Didn't you read that ?

Joysmum · 21/12/2015 17:56

Everyone is entitled to set their boundaries where they see fit, those boundaries will vary from couple to couple.

What Potato seems to be struggling to understand, is that the OP's DH clearly chose to break the boundaries of their marriage.

More than that he further showed complete awareness of what he'd done because he chose lie about it.

How lovely for Potato that she sees herself as a cool wife. I sincerely hope her DH doesn't piss all over her boundaries and then somebody else comes along and tells her it's her fault because their boundaries are in excess of hers.

Fact remains, in a relationship both of the couple should adhere to the known boundaries. If they don't they are knowingly disrespecting their partner and potentially hurting and killing the trust they once had.

What's left in a relationship when the trust has been broken?

Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 18:11

*Seriously, why is this thread still going? The OP checked out long ago after getting all that she required.

Step away from the keypads ladies....santa LOL*

This. In abundance.

DiscoDiva70 · 21/12/2015 19:10

Joysmum
I imagine Potato doesn't realise that most people have boundaries in their relationships because, imo, she doesn't appear to have any herself.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2015 19:31

glad he finally admited taking ring off, tbh he had to as rings dont fall off by theirsleves

the fact he wanted to pretend he was single must be upsettling, esp after 18yr together, and will make you wonder if been unfaithful before, if not then why the other night decide to take it off

but try and enjoy xmas for your kids and maybe chat again later on

when will you give him his ring back and is he omg and mortified at losing it

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/12/2015 22:15

These sort of clubs in the UK are regulated there's a no touching rule....naked women do not rub their bodies all over you....I've been in one with my husband....believe it or not women go in them too

Yeah, weirdly enough I am a woman who has visited a strip club, with a male friend, just the once. Seems it was actually very unusual for a woman to be in there, I had men coming over to congratulate us on our 'strong relationship' if I was happy to come and attend with my partner (we weren't partners, and I was there out of my own curiosity, but I had fun trying to gently coax them into sharing their bizarre, drunken thoughts on the matter).

I had a couple of joint private dances with my friend - two dancers and us. As if a routine, choreographed part towards the end of the dance, both would remove their knickers so they were exposed, and straddle our laps and rub their labia back and forth on them. No gaps, very much contact. Any 'no touching' rule related to punters touching the dancers, not the other way around. So run along with your attempt at cool wife know-it-all misinformed nonsense. Hmm

GarlicCake · 21/12/2015 22:33

So run along with your attempt at cool wife know-it-all misinformed nonsense.

That. I only wish I could have put it so well!

HooseRice · 21/12/2015 22:36

My exes crotch area of his jeans reeked of fish after a visit to the lap dancing.

Only 2 things smell of fish

ClityClityBangBang · 21/12/2015 22:39

That is just rank!

HooseRice · 21/12/2015 22:48

Quite.

HappyGirlNow · 21/12/2015 22:58

Sorry, unrelated to OP, but hooserice have you just seen Kevin Bridges?? Grin

HooseRice · 21/12/2015 23:02

Me n the big man are like that || GrinXmas Grin

Borninthe60s · 30/12/2015 14:22

How are you OP.

bodenbiscuit · 30/12/2015 14:23

Women don't smell of fish Hmm

sinber · 30/12/2015 14:26

Sometimes some do.

bodenbiscuit · 30/12/2015 16:03

No sinbar they don't. And the notion that women's vaginas smell like fish is nasty, misogynistic nonsense.

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