works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

Some people obviously think it's all about him going to a strip club. It isn't. It's about what he got up to AFTER the strip club. He probably never even went to a bloody strip club!

Well, I'm sorry, OP, but I'm glad you know the truth.

Hope you deal with it to your satisfaction.

some can lead sad lonely lives trying to encourage people to ltb cos their opinion is right.

Better sad and lonely than with someone who lies, cheats ,takes me to sleazy strip clubs "but you even get women there", probably because they feel they "have to, because they have to keep a man happy" fuck that.

You set a bar in life, if your is as low as a potato then good for you, others aim higher.

He almost certainly knows he behaved like a dickhead, he's probably horrified at himself, and he doesn't know how he could be such a dickhead

You can't in any way know this and projecting how you think he should be feeling isn't particularly helpful. Lots of people manage to deny their reality by assuming someone is feeling the way they think they should. And that's not to say he isn't horrified but there's little in his actions to back that up.

Putting myself in the DH's position, I would never admit the truth if it was bad, I would only admit as much as I could get away with.

The OP appears sensible to me, she will understand this. The trust is broken, but not the marriage. Not yet anyway, perhaps never if he tries hard enough.

APlace, OP said "Can't explain himself and knows what a dick he has been. Apologised and cried." It's reasonable to assume that that she knows what he said.

Well if the thread is about the OP asking for advice, then getting it, then speaking to her DH, making a decision and reporting back, how can it be justified to subsequently do anything other than wish her luck (in a non-sarcastic way)?

That's what I did last night at 10pm'ish, Var. I can't speak for anyone else, of course.

my bar in life is not low....ups and downs like every one else....but jeez LTB cos he went clubbing and a strip club and took his ring off because he thought it might make he seem single,....sad and lonely i aint, havent got the perfect marriage either, ive lived, i dont have to keep a man happy.I KEEP MYSELF HAPPY....if he wants to go on a stag do and a strip club with his mates thats okay, just like i can go on holiday with my mates without him....its a compromise, if it ever came to us splitting i know i would be okay....i certainly wouldnt sit on here telling women to LBT because of my experiences ....btw most people lie by omission.....it isnt right but thats what humans do...none of us are perfect...everyone is different, because my experiences are different from yours doesnt make it right or wrong...just different...and name calling really loses an argument as you cant back up your opinion with facts!

I did say potato sounded about 15, and I was right as she has started her own thread in relationships taking the piss out of this one. Disgusting.

Crikey, not sure what all the bitching is about. Poor lady has had trust in her husband shredded (deservedly so) and now wants time to process the information and hopefully heal. What is left to do but wish her strenght in that task and a happy as possible Christmas.?

taking the P out of the LTB brigade....not the OP who i think has been bullied on this thread!

You are making a show of yourself, potato

It might be best if you toddled along now and let the grown ups handle this.

Where have I written LTB?
I haven't. I've pointed out that imo Op's H is a potential cheat and is highly likely lieing to the Op about the other nights events.

I've suggested to the Op that she has some space from her H over Christmas in order that she can think things through, but I haven't said Ltb.
It is for the Op to decide how she wants to handle this situation.

So for Potato and the others who are on her wavelength, get your facts straight before you start getting on your high horses.

ohhelpohnoitsa - Some people like to reassure themselves about private dances with the supposed "no touching" rule. This rule is a legal requirement.

Now, supposing every dancer and every punter at every club observes this rule - a "VIP" dance still involves a naked woman athletically displaying her genitals and other body parts very close to the customer's face and crotch. A standard move involves her straddling him, keeping about an inch of space between their bodies, and writhing so her nipples graze his face. So the poster who asked whether you'd be happy to find your best friend rubbing herself naked over your partner was pretty spot-on: it's hard to see why paying a stranger to do the same makes it somehow better!

In point of fact, the pay structure in strip clubs can pretty much force the dancers to provide 'extra' services. I've been to London clubs where this happens on the premises but, in the UK, it's more usual for the dancer to make an arrangement with the punter for when she comes off duty.

There are loads of forum threads, here and elsewhere, about it. Try this one: forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2043607

I don't think Op should LTB just that she needs to prepare herself for more to come. She doesn't know exactly what happened as he is changing his story. Marriages can be salvaged but only when the true story has been told.

grown ups....yeah right

Hold on a minute. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, yes? Being told to 'toddle along' would really boil my piss.

Another one here who didn't say ltb.

His first admission was a lie.

His word would mean nothing to me after that.

Of course the op knows her man better than mnetters do and she has decided to believe his explanation. I do wish you all the best op. I really do.

But he still lied.

He may not have cheated but it's the lies and the intention to cheat that's the killer.

You havent answered my question Potato, where have I said Ltb? and who is bullying the Op?

I think the op's husband's behaviour is appalling.

However as she has decided she wants to stay with him I don't see the point of people piling in and saying, you wait, you're setting yourself up etc etc and lots of posters making the same points over and over that were said before she made her decision.

I'll bet your husband is feeling like a right shit right now. He made a stupid mistake and I'll bet he feels monumentally mortified now.

I wouldn't tell him about the ring for now. Your secret.

I certainly wouldn't LTB for this! Crazy talk. But I'd treat this as a warning sign that he is feeling something that can't be defined.

Spice you didn't see potato's (now deleted) TAAT then, taking the piss out of this one ?

Because this woman's situation is fair game, yeah ?

sorry been busy....havent got time to sit here all day waiting for replies....i wasnt taking the pee out of the OP....rather the yobs on here with their holier than thou attitudes and gutter gobs..... and oh yeah ive been told off to by MN....but they do see my point when i explained why i did it....do stop with your going on and on and on ...EVERYONE LIES....its human nature....if you say you never lie you are a liar...anyway have a lovely evening everyone as im off out to enjoy my life.....got better things to do than be on here 24/7...just toddling off!