works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

Mmmm. Glad you've cleared the air to a degree. Mind you, he's had a while to think of his spiel and even now can't explain why he did it.
Err because he wanted to look single!
I don't think it's worthy of ltb if it's otherwise a very happy marriage but this would seriously knock my trust.
I'd say it goes without saying, that it's expected that he never socialises with this nob of a boss again.

I think you need to make your own decisions, and being a single parent, I would not necessarily advise breaking an otherwise sound marriage, if that is what you have.

But drunk, going to strip clubs and fighting - he is a married, father of two - he has a wife he presumably respects and two children also (and if they are daughters, how would he feel if they were the ones working in a strip club? And would he be happy with his sons following his example?)

I get that people make mistakes, but regardless of the lying and trust issues, I would be struggling to respect that kind of behaviour. Next time he needs to do what his best mate did and leave before it gets that far. That would be behaviour which was respectful to you.

So is a typical night out for your husband a strip club, a fight and a 24 hour hangover?

I would not be impressed whatsoever.

That's not to mention the ring and his motives behind that and what it says about the regard he has for his marriage.

I'm glad your ok, it's always awful realising the man you married isn't maybe the shining white night you thought he was . Trust takes a while to come back and I would second the counselling as well xx

First rule of cheats is to deny everything.
Second rule is to admit to a bit and say that's everything
Third rule is to see what you can get away with.

If a bloke is compos mantis enough to break up a fight on the way home, he's well enough to have cheated/fumbled/groped/pulled.

I do not believe a word of this "coming clean", it's taken FAR too long for him to concoct that story, and he's not even mentioned the ring..,.

I am glad that you have got the truth. I hope that you and your Dh can repair the trust and that you can relax and enjoy the festivities.

I also don't believe that he's come clean.

I believe that he's made up some more bullshit and thrown in the 'strip club' part to make him sound to you that he's been out of order going there Iyswim. He's probably said he feels ashamed etc etc.

Then he's turned on the crocodile tears and said sorry, hoping that now he's 'shut you up' asking him questions! What a result for him!

He'll probably act the model husband for a good while until he goes out with the lads again. But next time he'll make sure he remembers to put his wedding ring back on before he comes home.

OP, what was his motivation for taking his ring off ?

It's nowhere near enough to say "I did it because we went to a strip club and a nightclub"

So ?

Lots of married men go to strip clubs and nightclubs. What was different about his visit to a strip club and a nightclub that he couldn't keep his ring on ?

Yes agree with AF. And if he's been before and not removed his ring, why this time?

I agree I smell more bullshit. And like a pp i believe there is a possibility a private dance took place.

Well what a surprise,me cried......always works a dream.....blokes only remove their wedding ring for one reason. So, he didn't get lucky this time......

Seems to me he's gone out acting the 'man' with his work colleagues, all bravado, got totally pissed made a complete twat of himself and can't remember what the hell happened.,... If it were me, there would be no more nights out with his boss, and I wouldn't tolerate dh getting home at 5am leaving you going out if your mind for the last few days. He needs to grow up and show some respect to you and his children. Hopefully, he will see how dreadful he has treated his family and how close he is to ruining everything. Geeze, what is it with some men ?

I also don't believe he has come clean. I would also be very surprised if this was the first time, more likely just the first time he forgot to put his ring back on. I'm sorry OP but he has taken far too long to admit it for it to be true.

If that was all that happened then why lie?

Can't explain himself? Won't explain himself more like.

You only have his word as to what happened and his word doesn't appear to count for much.

From early in thread, this now troubles me:

...always sleeps on sofa in kitchen after a night out as I hate being woken and my sleep disturbed by a drunk Dh

Sounds like it might be convenient for him after a night out without his ring

Also, because he sleeps downstairs on the sofa after his nights out, he probably creeps in everytime about 5 in the morning, without Op knowing

My worry would be that he's done it before but just hasn't been caught. He comes home and sleeps on the sofa, you have no idea what time he comes in.

And agree with AF, why did he take his ring off. He was in a nightclub, so what? That's not a reason.

But why did he need to lie in the first place. Why tell that far fetched fight story.
He has had enough time to get his ducks in order with work friends and give this new story now and tears thrown in.

Going to a strip club and a private dance is no reason to take a ring off.

More to this......

Is "private dance" a euphemism? I don't understand why that would make the situation worse unless it means he had sex with the dancer.

Is "private dance" a euphemism?

Yes.

He is still not telling the truth.

Why hasn't be realised he doesn't have his ring? Has he mentioned this to you?

Erm... Why would a woman who works in a strip club, or one who gives private dances need to have a married man remove his wedding ring before performing for him?

As far as I understand a ring wouldn't faze a hooker either.

A woman in a club tho, much more likely.

So this bloke has gone to a strip club, got himself all horny then gone looking for an outlet... Knowing for sure a ring will deny his chances.

He leaves the club after 4am, what time does the club close generally? He is still lying. Sorry :(

Again, it is not discriminating against anyone if a CEO takes staff members to a strip club, it is entirely up to them if they go or not.

Again. Wrong.

If the CEO brought them to a black and white minstrel show they would also have the option of not going and it would still be discriminatory to offer entertainment that is racist.

As an employment lawyer , Bath Time is correct on the case law. It is discrimination and if it comes out in a case about unrelated sex discrimination that the boss takes the team to strip clubs, you are generally royally fucked and should comp agreement it before their feet touch the ground.