Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Sassy, this has been going on since August........

Anyway, I messaged him last night on FB, and said "Look, let's just forget the last two weeks even happened, and go back to just being friends." And that has been read and ignored, so I'm very over that one! Can't be done with sulkers or playing games.

Pleased it's going well for you! :)

Yes, also, thanks pathetic, it was a bit of a wake up call. Neither of us should be settling, and suddenly I was able to see all his faults, instead of thinking how lovely he is! Funny how quickly things change when your pride gets dented!

Ooh, good luck Waving!

Anyway, seeing as I'm a fickle sort, there's a cute redhead drummer who I've got my eye on on Match.....

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

waving congratulations Hun!!!!!! Celebratory high fives coming your way!!! Keeping fingers and toes that Soho redeems yourself tonight.
Yes I've met Mr Tree, he was the cheeky chappie who nearly got cleared from the bench a few weeks back. Redeemed himself though and is messaging me every 3-4 days which is perfect. We shall see.

tanya August? Hmmm. That's a long time.

Redeems *himself

Yup, it certainly is, Sassy! Not to mention the "I really like you, I really care about you, I really want to see you again" messages after the party where we kissed. Obviously doesn't know his own mind, and that is seriously unattractive.

But anyway, redhead drummer! Fingers crossed. He doesn't log in as much as would be helpful, and I'm loathe to pay more money to see if he read my message or not - definitely not getting into that mindset!

Oh! Waving Congratulations and a hug

MrLivingWithTheEx has been messaging me still. Thanks goodness I made it to my psychotherapy session today. Because of a plumbing emergency I nearly didn't. My therapist has got my feet firmly back on the ground. Thank. Goodness. Am going to kindly tell him to grow up and stand on his own two feet and get back to me when he actually starts afresh. But it ain't ever gonna happen.

This incident of getting hooked in by him has made me realise my therapy is still work in progress. Gulp. Chatting to someone nice on ZOOSK. Yey! There's been a flurry of activity on the sites for me. Probably due to the Xmas/loneliness factor hey.....

Wow so much going on while I have been self absorbed in my Popcorn mess. Yay Waving!! Do report!! And yay for you too Sassy - sounds promising with Mr Tree!

Handy funny how quickly OLD seems to be able to drag us back 3 steps backwards when we have put so much effort into moving forward - I am no shrink but sounds like realizing it is actually a big jump forward, well done you!! And added bonus may be that Livingwiththeex desperately needs that kick.

Popcorn is still silent here and spending a lot of time online so I am putting two and two together and not pursuing him. On the other hand I used the old positive/negative list and turns out the negative is a tad longer so... Time to move on I think.
In other news MrIkea has sent a couple messages I think he wants to go on a second date in the new year. Might give him an actual chance this time with Popcorn not in the picture.

Joke of the day: in the spirit of moving on, I readjusted my filters on OkCupid and put the keyword 'strictly monogamous'. Turns out that is too restrictive as no matches popped up! There I have it, lol

Ha ha jolly that does just about sum up OLD really!!

I think you are probably well out of the Popcorn situation - actions (or inaction) speak louder than words and all that.

Waving congrats on freedom!

Handy glad your therapist is backing what we all say and that you can see the pitfalls too. **
*
Tanya* the joy of the sweetshop mentality of OLD is that you can easily distract yourself from a twit by finding someone else to message. As my ever optimistic married so completely clueless friends keep telling me it only takes one right person and you don't know where they might be. Everything happens for a reason and all that.

As to me well I have a quick drink after work type date lined up for tomrw, let's call him mr scaffolder. Totally not my type in lots of ways - but he is atrractive and is making me laugh so will just go with the flow.
I am also chatting to a bloke who I really connect with but who is only 35 (I am 42!) not sure where it is heading but again it is keeping me amused while kids away at their Dad's.
I think Xmas desperation is creeping in for the blokes - but it would be silly for me not to ride the wave

Hee hee Start ride that wave!

LivesWithEx now telling me him and ex now discussing divorce, and the 'catalyst' is me - am insulted by that rather than flattered. long walk/short pier is a phrase that springs to mind! No more good looking charmers, thank you!!!!! God I am a slow learner. Most people figure out before age 43 and certainly once in the process of divorcing one!!! feel like a right plonker.

Jolly haha re filtering - says it all!!! Lordy.

Sassy MrTree sounds like a steady Eddie - I need one of those! You going to meet up?

pathetic thank you so much for checking in, that's lovely.

waving have a fun night. You will look and be gorgeous, no doubt about it!!!!

Thanks toosassy!

Tanyadm, yeh that's a useless piece of information really, a man without children might imagine it's a compliment, and not see how frustrating it is!!

Oh, great stuff Waving! Keep us posted.

Northerner and I had a chat this morning, and I have realised he is mentally too young for me anyway. And referred to his date as a 'girl', which is a bugbear of mine.

I have now collected not one but two drummers on Match, but RedDrummer would definitely be my preference if I can get some chat out of him!

Hi there, I am interested in this thread as I haven't dated at all in 3 years. I have seen men but not really dated them more of sex dates, which I find quite irritating when you don't hear from them for weeks, months.

At first I was ok with this as I was going through a divorce, have two DC's and not many child free opportunities as FWEXH hardly has them. So I have no real life unless I pay for babysitters which I am willing to do to go out on a date. I have tried Match, pof and uniform dating. I found the later I had more interest. Although bottled it when I had arranged a date. Silly I know but it was totally out of my comfort zone as I have always only dated men I already knew from work etc.

So, any advice would be much appreciated for a 40 something divorcee with very little child free time to try and date.

Also fed up of married men finding me on facebook and also looking for a shag, and quite blatant about it. I have one currently who is very very good at disguising his intentions, although he is married, what do I do about him, the attention is nice and stops me from feeling lonely but I feel very guilty..

Hi all, disappeared for a bit with the mayhem of Xmas. Still seeing Mr libra although he's come clean that he hasn't had sex for all this years because he has erectile disfunction

We tried a couple of times but to no avail...not sure if we have a future. I do like him a lot but he doesn't seem that eager to sort it just seems to accept it!!

Time will tell I suppose, on the up side he taking me to a posh wedding do in new year so something to look forward to!

handy am soooo glad your therapist has talked you down from seeing living with ex man. It has red flags all over the place.

jolly and handy yup I'll see mrtree again in the new year. We had three dates pre Crimbo and he's staying in touch a nice amount. Messaged me again today. We shall see! jolly totally give MrIkea another go in the new year!

start how was your date?

waving keep us posted. He been in touch today?

tanya lol at the drummers

angel welcome. If you want my honest opinion on the married guys. Block them, I would without a second thought. I get the confidence boost is nice, but you're worth way more than that.
Re the dating? Depends on age of your DC's, but there are a couple of things you can try.
You could try and find another mum in a similar situation who is happy to babysit your DC's once a fortnight/ week if you do the same?
Or I would find a reliable babysitter / au pair who wants to earn extra money. If your DC is in nursery lots of the nursery staff will regularly do additional babysitter work. I understand money is a consideration (obviously) but could you try? Once a fortnight to start?
Re the dating....I think a lot of us here are in the same boat. Post separation/ divorce. With DC's. And the whole thing is bloody daunting. Just bite the bullet is my advice. Sometimes the build up is way worse than the actual action.

sparkles hmmmm. I'd run for the hills but then I'm shallow. Is he prepared to make up for it in other ways.

So finally sent a thanks but no thanks to my ex who has gone AWOL lately. Tired of trying to figure out what's going on in his head. Was a bit pissed when I wrote it and had to do it really quickly otherwise I'd have backed out. It's so hard when you actually like someone ( and it's slim pickins where I live for decent men). I also didn't block him which I should have done but at least I've done it so I'm not obsessively checking my messages all the time...

Hi R

I'm a bit puzzled as to why you would suddenly contact me out of the blue, asking to try again, say you missed me and then when I agree to meet you for a drink ( as it's not the sort of thing to discuss via text ), to not then arrange to actually meet?

It makes me think that you just contacted me on a bit of a whim and weren't really serious about it. I have no idea what's going on in your head but I don't like being messed around like this so I think I'm going to leave it thanks.

To be honest Destiny I think thats quite restrained for a 'pissed' msg!

If I were you though now, I WOULD block. He is still entering your head space, which is undeserving..

Next... Lol

Thanks toosassy, so you think bite the bullet and go back to try the online dating scene?? Can anyone recommend a good one???

I think I am ready to dip my toe in the dating pool. I want more than the odd sex date, they are ok at the time but leave me feeling a bit empty and used!!! I don't know why I keep attracting these married men either, I feel like I am some kind of magnet for them.

Yeah that was quite restrained. You may need to follow it up with a "really, no" if he gets the wrong idea.