Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Thank you Justaboy, I am probably over analyzing things again.. But like Waving just said I just do not understand the hot and cold thing so I am trying to figure out what went wrong there. Thing is, I told Popcorn I lost my dad recently because I regularly have to be out of town to take care of my mum and I figured he could be feeling sorry for me and hence trying to lay me off slowly by making sure I lose interest. Agree it is a bit far fetched but I cannot fathom why anyone who is not a sadist would play those games..

Waving i am glad you get a chance to sort out things with Soho!
I feel like I am in the same position with Popcorn - not sure I do not like the concept of him more than I actually like him.

It's just frustrating. There's been so much flirtation, and he's told various mutual friends he likes me, then there was the kissing, and now I'm being made to feel like it's my fault I have got some sort of wrong idea. ARGH at men.

Anyway, in the spirit of moving on, I have re-subscribed to Match to see what happens. I'm thinking someone a little older, with no connections or mutual friends would be the best idea! Unfortunately I live in Edinburgh, which while it's big enough, still has a village mentality, and everyone seems to know someone who knows someone else...

Jolly, I think that WavingNotDrowning could have written the same message for both of us. Damn the mixed messages. So stupid.

tanyadm Aww!, that's a lovely place Edinburgh only been there three times but was always impressed with it. Last time got in some heated debates in the hotel bar re Scottish nationalism and they were shall we say "interesting" but in the end i wished them all well and hoped they stayed in the Union:)

JollyXmasJumper I can't speak for my fellow man but surely if your meeting up with what, 30 to 50 year old people then you must expect them to have some commitments like children or as you have relatives that need some attention or looking after!. If heaven forbid a lady took a linking to me I'd welcome some extra children as our family is almost extinct very few relatives and number of them left so not a problem as i see it. I have got three DD's one who is around the other side of the world one at Uni and one here telling me what to do all the time so?.

As to the hot and cold thing. Can't quite put my finger on it but it might be that men are very visually influenced and it might be that there is an initial visual attraction and then other factors come into play and perhaps she doesn't tick a box somewhere or something s revealed perhaps that cools the ardour?

But perhaps both parties are that bit more wary or suspicious of each other the women very wary that he's just after some casual sex, men that she will hurt him again maybe take him for more money like his ex did?.

But perhaps our level of tolerance is much lower, what we might once have put up with and what we will see as OK now are very different?.

Tanya I think Mr Northerner would be better off then with a doll. What a stupid thing to say - as if there was somewhere a woman locked up an ivory tower just waiting for him.

That's pretty much what I said to him last night, he could spend years looking for this single, unattached, child-free woman, or we could have fun and spend time together. Well, he's blown it. If, in his date tomorrow, as with his previous dates, there is no 'spark' (and yes, he has told me about his dates), and he tries crawling back to me..... I'm not going to be a back up plan for anyone.

Where does one purchase one of these essential 'thick skins'? I appear to have mislaid mine.

Oh tanyadm the stupidness is all on him, so nothing to take personally and no need for a thick skin.

Waving good luck for tomorrow.

Jolly what's your next move with Popcorn?

Been distracting myself from MrDaisy and chatting to 2 guys. One local on ZOOSK (who's a bit old really.... but runs) and one on POF. ZOOSK by the way, is a bit of a disaster - slim pickings there.

Oh please somebody decent come along! Alright I'm going to come out and say it - I neeeeeed (especially since Friday's date) to have some bedroom action - aaaarrrrrgghh!!!!!

Hi everyone
Longtime lurker finally plucked up courage to register and post.
Please put me right if I break any etiquette rules. I have been online dating for about a year. Met a chap for coffee and a walk last week and we got on surprisingly well, wasn't too sure if I was attracted to him but was more than happy to meet up again to find out. He had his son all this week and so we agreed to meet up once his dc had gone home to mum. Carried on chatting until Friday when he just didn't reply to my last message. I just thought he wasn't interested anymore or had found someone more interesting to talk to (was a bit disappointed he couldn't be honest but heyho). Then tonight I get a text from him saying he wasn't sure I had been feeling it and left it a few days to see if I would get in touch with him, as I hadn't he said good luck. I am completely confused by this and not sure whether he is just playing games or genuine. Please can I have some advice?

He's a knob. Does that clarify?

Sorry. Bit harsh. He probably got the correct vibe (you yourself said you weren't sure) but his petty 'test' (is he 12?) was a dumbass game and he has flounced FFS it's nearly Xmas, people are busy, he met you ONCE. Who has time for this shit???????

Tell him thanks for clarifying the fact that he is insecure and therefore not a good prospect...... NEXT!!!!!!

Hi Handy
Ouch thanks for the good advice that was my gut reaction but because online dating is such a minefield i was wavering with giving him the benefit of the doubt
you saved me lol

Paddington, that does sound odd! If you'd sent the last message, and he hadn't replied to it, you have to take your cue from that! So for him to come back to you a few days later and tell you that it was a test of your feelings then wow, he expects people to read his mind, or instead of letting it die out, he came back to berate you for not sending messages out to radio silence! You were only getting to know each other! what does he look for? un coup de foudre every single time?! Either way, he sounds hard work.

Tanyadm, what age is this guy? I wonder on average when men accept that they're sufficiently old enough themselves for it to be unlikely to meet/attract the blushing young bride with no children. This knowledge would really help me avoid dating men who are happy to date you 'for now'.

Hi Mince
I just messaged back you didn't reply to my last text so thought you wasn't interested anymore, good luck (thinking twat) and deleted his number... oh well will have a rest from dating till after xmas

Handy i have no idea what my next move is going to be.. Popcorn took his time to answer my text of yesterday and the reply did not really warrant and answer. I just did send something back tonight against my better judgement. I am not sure I want to let go that easily, but then I do not think I am in the right emotional state to let him drag me around until I turn him into relationship material. Do I try and see him soon or do I wait until the new year? I feel like I have not exactly told him honestly everything he needs to know in my opinion before he can make a judgement.. And I never did any asking out. Or do I just go no contact? He had been online quite a lot... I should just take the hint shouldn't I?

Aouch so many typos..sorry!

Good call Paddington. Even if it could have been salvaged, it sounds like the dynamic between the two of you would then have been that you had to prove something or prove yourself to him........ not fun for you. He could put his feet up, metaphorically. Nicely swerved I think.

Mince, he is nearly 36. I am definitely aiming more around the 40 mark now!

I think a man of 36 can still attract plenty of women who have no children and have time left to do it all for the first time together. But whilst there's no point pushing water up hill with a 36 year old who wants a clean slate (so to speak) there will be plenty 36 year old men who have children themselves and want somebody who gets it, or who want the chemistry and the compatibility, not your relationship CV.

I agree, but it's pointless telling someone you like them, that you think you have a spark with them, but that you find their children objectionable.

If it helps any, I used to post here over a year ago under a different username and have found an amazing man (31 to my 35) who is happy that I have 3 dc and has a dc of his own. We are nearing a year together and he is amazing. The right person won't be a compromise. The spark will be there but they will want you as you are, as a family. If it's a compromise or not quite right, then it's frustrating, but someone else will be.

hello everyone

jolly ugh. Having spent 10 years in a LTR my patience at listening to self involved people is non existent. Have you heard from him since your last message?

handy how are you getting on? Have you had anything more with mr still living with his ex?

destiny at your sex date.

Welcome mince

waving what's the latest on mr soho?

tanya sorry to hear that. At least he was totally upfront and honest with you. He could have messed around with you for months.

paddington hmmmm sounds suspect to me. If you had been ignoring him then fair enough.

pathetic what a lovely ending!!! Thank you for sharing!

So I had a fab weekend with my friends. Mr Tree has been texting just the perfect amount which is quite nice. Enough to let me know he is thinking of me. Tree climbing skills to be honed in the new year me thinks!!!