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Original poster

DP thinks I should be doing more now I'm on Mat Leave

151 replies

Icklepickle101 · 11/12/2015 21:52

Just had a heated discussion about household jobs with DP as I asked him to do the washing up before he goes to bed, he says he will do it tomorrow. This has been going on for months, he leaves it and leaves it until we have no clean plates/cups/pots/cutlery left and will then do some of it until 'the hot water runs out' or I get so fed up of living in a disgusting mess I do it myself.

The only other jobs he has is the bins, his own ironing and he will hoover the stairs for me about once a month

I do everything else.

He has now piped up that as I'm on maternity leave I should be doing the washing up as he is tired from work. The fact I'm on crutches, strong painkillers and 8 months pregnant didn't seem to be an issue as I had all day to 'relax'.

Am I wrong in sticking to my gins and continue nagging on a daily basis for him to wash up? I'm considering leaving him to do his own washing/cooking until he can take responsibility and do it daily as it's really starting to piss me off!!

OP posts:
sianihedgehog · 11/12/2015 22:17

Oh god, nip that shit in the bud, OP. I had a very healthy pregnancy but I ended up with an emcs and a nasty infection and weeks of needing to take it very easy after the birth and even now I'm well again I struggle to stay on top of everything because taking care of a baby is a full time job.

If your dp is generally clueless about housekeeping, I've found its really helpful to actually make a big chore chart and assign and check off chores. People who have never had to keep a house can think that they are doing their share because a lot of the work never even occurs to them.

BathtimeFunkster · 11/12/2015 22:18

my DH told me when we moved in that he 'expected' the same.

Shock

Wow, what a clit shriveller.

That would have been the end of our sex life right there if my lover told me he expected me to wait on him like his mother.

Ew.

AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 22:18

Otherwise, he is x, y and z

Except when he is being a self centred manchild

That will get very old, very quickly

You didn't think this through, did you ?

BathtimeFunkster · 11/12/2015 22:20

Sadly his mother is the cause of this

Definitely.

There's no way you can hold a grown man responsible for being a sexist bellend who wants his crippled pregnant wife to recognise his superior status by waiting on him hand and foot.

Hmm
AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 22:21

Oh fgs, women getting the blame again is it ?

wannabestressfree · 11/12/2015 22:22

clit shriveller Grin

AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 22:22

This thread has so many clichés, it cannot be real

It's like Wife Work Fucking Bingo in here

Lweji · 11/12/2015 22:23

You can't rely on other people to teach him how he should behave as an adult.
If he can't respect you and, yes, love you as an equal partner, it's not going to be other people who will achieve it. And would you actually want to?

The problem is that you are already very invested, as you are having a baby with him, but this is exactly the time to put your foot down, before it becomes a habit, and, worst case scenario, the baby won't be an older child who will miss his dad at home.

RiverTam · 11/12/2015 22:23

How old are you both?

CandlesAreBurning · 11/12/2015 22:24

The easiest way to explain it to him, is if he had to live in a different coutnry from his mum, and be single, what/how would he cope then? He's have to do it all

Lweji · 11/12/2015 22:24

And, as other pps pointed out, if any parent is to blame, I'd very much blame his father too.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 11/12/2015 22:25

This has made me quite sad, how the washing up has made me question my whole relationship and future with the father of my baby Sad

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 11/12/2015 22:26

Why?

Why do women keep procreating with these losers?

There has to be a way to breed these lazy, misongynisyic twats, who steal women's time and energy, out of existence.

Lweji · 11/12/2015 22:26

It's not actually the washing up, though.
It's him saying you should do more, when you are actually more vulnerable and weak than before. That is the problem. His attitude towards you.

AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 22:27

Well I am quite sure that "him not doing the washing up" will be flung back in your face when you try to explain to the manpleasers surrounding him why you eventually left

But who gives a fuck about that ?

lorelei9 · 11/12/2015 22:29

bathtime, I dunno. It makes me really sad.

OP I don't really see how anyone over the age of 18 can think that someone 8 months pregnant, on crutches and painkillers should do "more housework", how old is he?

I think you should only do your stuff from now. Don't cook for him, don't clean up after him (yes I know that's annoying). Tbh you'd be better off without him but I've seen enough of these threads to know how that would be received.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 11/12/2015 22:31

He hoovers the stairs 'for you'?

You're incapacitated. I had a baby a couple of months ago - had a fit healthy pregnancy and easy birth so am doing more of the housework now I'm no longer working, but otherwise, when we're both home, it was and is all hands on deck with the house, our other two children and now with the three.

The family dynamic in which your dp was raised (not 'his mother') has caused this in large part. But he's going to have to get used to the new reality.

Canyouforgiveher · 11/12/2015 22:31

I know I mean the world to him

I hate to say this but you are wrong. you don't mean the world to him. If you mean the world to someone, he doesn't expect you to skivvy after him and do his washing up and cleaning. he doesn't expect you to do those things when you are heavily pregnant, on crutches and in pain. Meaning the world, means you are appreciated, loved, treated well, listened to when you express an opinion/wish, etc.

I really and truly think there should be a class in schools on what a loving relationship actually looks like.

Sadly his mother is the cause of this I believe, she has her husbands dinner ready for the moment he walks in the door

In this case I would say his father is the cause of this. Why would you say it is his mother? Maybe she had the same fight as you when she was pregnant and she gave in for a quiet life?

OP, you might have an opportunity to change this, especially if he is really in love with you. But if you don't deal with it now, you will be a resentful bitter woman constantly fighting with your husband about housework (and jesus what an utterly boring tedious crap thing to fight about), or you will give in and do it and in about 30 years time some woman will be blaming you for your son's behaviour because you did everything for his father.

BathtimeFunkster · 11/12/2015 22:32

OP I don't really see how anyone over the age of 18 can think that someone 8 months pregnant, on crutches and painkillers should do "more housework", how old is he?

My 7 year old would get it, so unless he's about 5 years old, this is just about him being a cunt who thinks that now you are up the duff he has one over on you.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 11/12/2015 22:32

Is he quite young OP?

AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 22:33

What, like 4yo ?

BathtimeFunkster · 11/12/2015 22:35

Ah leave him, he hasn't been walking long.

Admittedly the woman he thinks should do his shitwork can't walk now, but how's he meant to undertand that? It's so complicated.

Katarzyna79 · 11/12/2015 22:35

I assume you have severe spd since youre on crutches ?( I maybe wrong) . I had it so bad I couldn't walk down 1 street without taking countless stops on neighbours walls, literally felt like my hip was dislocated. You should do as little as possible on your feet. I really felt spd was worse that child birth, least child birth was 1 day, spd on and off sporadic and had me in tears sometimes.

Tell him he has to do it since you need the rest off your feet, handwash or he can buy a dishwasher, its the best thing I ever bought.why I waited until I had 3 kids I don't know, get one asap. He must load and unload. You can load your dishes when hes at work if possible that way no piles on counters.

The washing machine thing is B.S my mothers English is poor and she couldn't read English at all but somehow she figured out how to operate it, with me just showing her symbols and words she recognised them. Your DP is literate in everyway. If hes that scared the model number is on the front of machine with the brand, he can google the manual wallah done. You can give pointers on your regular cycle, separating white, brights, darks etc if you want, but let him physically do it.

abbieanders · 11/12/2015 22:37

YOU'RE MY NEW MUMMY, YOU LUCKY LADY! I LIKE ASSIPGHETTI FOR TEA.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 11/12/2015 22:40

We are early 20's.

His mother makes frequent comments about how unreasonable I am to expect any help around the house, it's a woman's job to 'run the house' and I should be grateful for what he does do and how he could 'go home to mummy's to be treated like a real man whenever he wanted' Hmm

OP posts:
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