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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really upset as just found out that DH is looking at....

153 replies

bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:30

teen porn websites. Too angry to even change my name. Was looking at another thread about someones dh using internet dating website and thought I would check the history on the laptop and lo and behold they are all just the f*king same. Stupid immature idiots that cannot keep their minds off sex for five minutes. I hope the silly f*ker sees this and gets the shock he deserves. And now I can't stop crying and we have two children both of whom are ill and my best friend is away on holiday so have no-one to talk to and all I can think is how much sleep I am going to miss out on as a result of having to stay up until dh gets back to kick his ass. Have just checked the pc and strangely enough the history has been wiped. Am I stupid to be so upset by this? Bad enough that it's porn but teenagers?? Feel sick.

OP posts:
chicaguapa · 12/12/2006 21:39

I don't think you are stupid to be upset by this but men do see porn in a different light than a lot of women so he probably won't understand your reaction. I personally don't think it makes him a bad person or father to be looking at it.

The teen aspect from the websites he'll have been looking at is just for effect and they'll all be over 18. It's not like it's kids. And it's better than looking at grannies!

I'd go easy on him. And if you go off the scale he will just continue to keep it a secret from you by wiping the history on the pc etc. It won't stop him and it doesn't make him abnormal.

That's just my opinion FWIW.

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:39

Anyone? don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:40

sorry x post

OP posts:
merrylissiemas · 12/12/2006 21:41

jesus blooming, what time is he coming back?

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:43

Thanks Chica. Problem is that I just can't help thinking that every time we have sex he'll be imagining nubile teenagers and frankly I'm a bit saggy and paranoid about it! i don't think he's a paedophile or anything it's just a bit of a shock. and today I will mostly be using humour as a defence mechanism....

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:44

He's out til about 1am so i have plenty of time to formulate a plan...

OP posts:
chicaguapa · 12/12/2006 21:47

Find a picture of some young nubile hunk and put it as the PC wallpaper.

merrylissiemas · 12/12/2006 21:47

but he's not sleeping with nubile teenagers, he's with you. and he's turned on because he loves you. men do see porn as just titilation.

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:50

I knew I should have done that computer course! Only just learnt how to look at the history which is probably why he's cleared it...I honestly think he would keel over with shock if I did any of the things that he seems to think are fine. Bloody double standards. As usual it's one rule for me and one rule for porn surfing f**kwits.

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 12/12/2006 21:52

No I don't think you are stupid - you are upset, that's a fact, you can't change it. I would be devastated and very angry. It just wouldn't be acceptable. These threads are always popping up too. It's so easy for men to become addicted to internet porn and it completely ruins the trust and intimacy between partners.

I suppose you just have to wait and see what he says about it.

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:52

Sorry lissie - typing very slowly as am too weepy and keep missing posts. My other concern is how much f**kwittage do i have to take before I do something about it. He does routinely does stupid stuff. When does it add up to too much trouble?

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:53

He will deny it, MT, as this is his normal reaction to anything I ask him about.

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 12/12/2006 21:56

Set up the spare room for him? I wouldn't want to be near him.

FredBassett · 12/12/2006 21:58

I would have to confront him as It would really eat me up inside if DH looked at pert teenagers online - It doesn't bother me one bit if he likes someone on TV or even takes a second look at a fit girl in the street as why shouldn't he appreciate beauty, but to look at porn without me is a definate no no in our house (luckily my dh has no interest in the internet)

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:59

That would involve digging out the spare duvet and potentially waking the baby. Thinking along lines of double locking door but then he can't help with the children in the night. Poking him in the eye? Hitting him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper?

OP posts:
kittylettekissingsanta · 12/12/2006 22:01

how do you check the history?

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 22:03

It's a bit like opening pandora's box. On ours it's a little green arrow thing that goes in a circle. On the laptop you have to click the little down arrow by the forwards/back arrows. Be very sure you want to do this!

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 22:06

Actually, Pandora's box could well be one of the websites that my husband favours....

OP posts:
kittylettekissingsanta · 12/12/2006 22:07

doesnt show up on his lol

kittylettekissingsanta · 12/12/2006 22:07

my mates daughters called Pandora, hehe

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 22:08

lol

OP posts:
kittylettekissingsanta · 12/12/2006 22:09

so theres more than 1 site hun?

you need to confront him, explain it makes you feel shitty

Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 22:12

Well we have once had a similar problem and I did confront him and he obviously has forgotten just how shitty it makes me feel!

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 22:13

Also, it's mostly the same site over and over which is somehow worse because it seems to be a particular girl and it's not even than hardcore just upsetting because it feels like he actually fancies her iykwim

OP posts:
kittylettekissingsanta · 12/12/2006 22:18

i see how that would make it harder, but hun, fantasy is just that & your the real woman he loves,
not that that will soothe your pain, but im sure its true,

is he there now?