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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really upset as just found out that DH is looking at....

153 replies

bloomingnora · 12/12/2006 21:30

teen porn websites. Too angry to even change my name. Was looking at another thread about someones dh using internet dating website and thought I would check the history on the laptop and lo and behold they are all just the f*king same. Stupid immature idiots that cannot keep their minds off sex for five minutes. I hope the silly f*ker sees this and gets the shock he deserves. And now I can't stop crying and we have two children both of whom are ill and my best friend is away on holiday so have no-one to talk to and all I can think is how much sleep I am going to miss out on as a result of having to stay up until dh gets back to kick his ass. Have just checked the pc and strangely enough the history has been wiped. Am I stupid to be so upset by this? Bad enough that it's porn but teenagers?? Feel sick.

OP posts:
NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:11

MT, no it isn't, but then neither is DD working in Tesco/Lidl etc for minimum wage......

NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:13

I would hope that my children live their lives for THEM, not in a bid to fulfil any parental 'achievement wishlist'

nameforthebadstuff · 13/12/2006 11:14

Yes, I expect a lot of the sites are fine, but some of them are not, and there isn't a black and white line.

I wanted to warn the OP by telling her what happened in my (very ordinary) family.

But if you want to make out it's all a bit of a laugh, go ahead.

I had a social worker interview me. I know what can happen. It is not likely to happen to the OP, but she needs to be aware and protect her family - not from her DH, but from the law.

Lolita, Britney Spears, oo-er missus, have a proper giggle. Whatever.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 13/12/2006 11:14

I can't believe how many of these threads there are.. men are such shits. It's not so much the looking at porn that is shocking, it the fact that so many men persist in looking at it when they KNOW it devastates their wives/partners.

NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:15

Who is laughing ?

Show me where you, or your ideas were ridiculed

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 13/12/2006 11:15

How is BloomingNora I wonder?

Monkeytrousers · 13/12/2006 11:18

Fair enough Nom. But the fact is you wouldn't be able to guarantee she wasn't being exploited. The porn industry is one where you can guarantee a slippery slope unfortunately. It's prostitution, only recorded for prosperity. What a great business plan!

random · 13/12/2006 11:21

My daughter works in tescos for quite a bit more then minimum wage actually..guess we can't all have high flying kids eh

NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:22

mt - GUARANTEED slippery slope ?

Explain please ?

I was a lap/pole dancer for a while pre-DH and kids. I was not exploited, the money was good and I was well looked after by my employer. It did not lead to me posing in The Sun, then in Loaded, then in Razzle, then on screen. It is not 'guaranteed'.

NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:23

Random - the tesco thing was not a jibe at peole working in tesco, but it was merely a statement about people having 'career dreams' for their offspring. I apologise for getting your back up.

expatinscotland · 13/12/2006 11:24

Whoa, seriously, NdP?

I did not know that.

I gave my ex h lap dances. Should have made him stump up for that!

NoXmasNameForNomDePlume · 13/12/2006 11:25

Seriously, expat

Monkeytrousers · 13/12/2006 12:21

Yes, Nom, once you get into films/photos - of course you can get out if you have the sense, but many don't. It's not an exact science (yet), Re the internet we are in uncharted territory, , but the evidence is mounting I'm afriad.

ExH Expat???

expatinscotland · 13/12/2006 12:24

Yes, MT, I was once married to a man who came ot realise he never wanted kids.

He was also an untreated depressive - although now he is being treated and life is good again for both of us, with different spouses, however .

Monkeytrousers · 13/12/2006 12:31

oh I see

expatinscotland · 13/12/2006 12:32

We separated after 6 years together, but divorced two years after our separation.

It was very, very painful for both of us, but we moved on to other spouses who had similar goals.

Wonder if he still remembers those lap dances . . .

I'm NOT going to ask! I count his wife as a friend!

swifter · 13/12/2006 12:49

name for that bad stuff - how did it get to the stage that the police found out this man was looking at teen porn?? must have been a bit more than a few pretty girls with their boobs out for him to be on the child sex offenders register surely???

Heathcliffscathy · 13/12/2006 12:54

am with you NdP.

No one [in their right mind] thinks your hubbie is a perv suzy....

MT. I do not for a second believe that the OP is about righteous indignation at the exploitative possibilities (even probabilities) of the porn industry. re-read it.

'they cannot keep their minds off sex for five minutes'

SO F8CKING WHAT???? I go through phases when I can't keep my mind off it, look at porn, read erotica. I'd be extremely f&cked off if my dh 'accused' me having snooped in my computer history. I would be that is if he didn't know absolutely everything about all my proclivities and phases...which he does...because we TALK to each other.

sheesh.

MerryPiffmas · 13/12/2006 12:58

I learned 2 things I did not know.
That Kleenex man size were not for big man size noses - did wonder why none have appeared at our bedside table since I moved in with dp. Figured he actually preferred aloe vera infused softies.
{naive emoticon}
And NDP
On the next "mumsnetters you remember and why" I see NDP appearing in a starring role.

Monkeytrousers · 13/12/2006 12:59

I agree the OP isn't. I'm just contributing my perspective.

AND I bet Suzy's DH most probably is a filthy old perv! So there

Heathcliffscathy · 13/12/2006 13:19

i'm a filthy old perv.

sometimes.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 13/12/2006 13:25

Sophable, when BloomingNora ranted about men not being able to keep their minds off sex for five minutes, I think she was sounding off because she was upset and shocked. Saying "So f*cking what!" isn't very sensitive and quite unlike you.

Heathcliffscathy · 13/12/2006 13:30

sorry shiny. i know i know.

i just think that out there, and in here in mn, it seems de rigeur to file for divorce if you 'catch' your man looking at internet porn.

i disagree strongly with that point of view.

I mean...changing the locks????

It seems insane to me. It implies some kind of huge demarcation between the sexes whereby men are crazed sex beasts if they enjoy porn (even teen porn, although totally agree that use of underage girls is wrong, but we don't know this is the case) and we are wronged indignant furious women who 'catch' them based on reading that this has happened on other threads (!).

I am offering an alternative opinion and i guess i'm hoping that the OP might take on board that there is a very different perspective on this situation, and it is a female one (I am a girl, not a hairy truck driver, several mners can attest to this).

sorry if tone was insensitive. i can be when exasperated.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 13/12/2006 13:34

I used to be of the same opinion. But someone who has been hurt (sometime repeatedly) by persistant use of porn and lies and discete (eg deleting history) which can surround it will not be able to be that laid-back about it ever again. That is the luxury afforded to women who have no be made to feel insecure by the porn industry.

Heathcliffscathy · 13/12/2006 13:35

does a man's use of porn (or a woman's use of erotica/sex toys whatever) have to be about the other partner? their deficiencies?