My sons girlfriend is a problem!!!!!

[worriedgran57]

This is my first time on mumsnet so I hope I am doing it properly!! Hope you don't mind a gran asking for advice!

My son is with a girlfriend who is 17. She fell pregnant right before she was 16!! They had only been together 6 months. My son was just finishing his A levels and it was a very worrying time. He is a very smart boy, his IQ is very high and we were hoping he would go to Oxford or Cambridge.

He didn't do well in his exams. Studying went to pot, because he was of course so worried about his girlfriend!

Now I know she is still young, but she is very manipulative. She told my son she had problems with her period, so he thought she couldn't get pregnant...clearly that wasn't the case!

Since the baby (a little boy) came along, my son has had to resit some exams. He has been so stressed at the behaviour of this girl. She seems to want him to get a job, but in the long run going to university would be a better option. I told him that he needn't think he will be playing happy families with his girldfriend and the baby because he has his education to think of....he is only a boy. They are both too young to set up home together!

I also have a 14 year old daughter and I don't think this girl is a good influence....she used to go out with her friends a lot before the baby was born,sometimes not coming home until 11pm at night....she invited my daughter out a few times but I didn't allow her...it's not so much the girl herself, it's her friends I am worried about!

This girl has been allowed to do whatever she wants...taking the train to the city for the day. staying out, going on holiday with people her parents barely know....

She isn't a bad mother but she is careless...last month she took the baby out a 2 mile walk in the pram with only a coat and a thin blanket on. She takes him miles away on the bus, he sleeps in her bed....I know they are just little things but he has no routine or stability in my opinion

She is rude about our house...we have 6 cats and 3 dogs and she told my son she didn't want to let the baby sleep in his cot in the living room because she felt he was unsafe near the animals! My animals would never hurt anyone, they are rescues and very gentle and timid....she thinks our house is dirty. OK it might smell a bit catty but it is not dirty! She also refused to sit in the living room with the baby when my husband was watching TV, she said the show was too violent...

I don't feel comfortable in my own home when she visits with the baby, I have got into the habit of taking my daughter out and going to do the weekly shop when she comes round on a Saturday.

I try to be involved with my grandson but she makes it awkward. First she doesn't let him sleep in our living room, but then she suggests going for a coffee with my son, and wants me to babysit??? I told my son that we aren't there to babysit just so they can have fun.That is not what being a parent is about!

I just don't know what to do...I wish my son wasn't in this position. He is still very immature for his age. I think it's all too much for him to cope with. When his girlfriend was pregnant, I asked the school to let all his teachers know the situation, so they would be aware of the stress he was under when he was doing his exams/...but they said they couldnt because the girl was at the same school and she was their priority....I feel like my son has been overlooked from day one, but he needed just as much help!

Where do we go next?

Well, some of us have given you some heartfelt advice. Mainly because we are nice like that, even if we do suspect you might be trolling us.

That you don't like what we say is part of your problem, as we have tried to point out by being very blunt, so you cannot mistake the message.

That is us helping, trying to get you to step back and see it more how it looks to outsiders, maybe to help you gain a more clear perspective.

You can ignore us, stop posting, shout at us, even be a troll... the advice remains the same.

If he was on study leave there wouldn't have been any point in his teachers knowing because we don't see the students any more . There's absolutely nothing they could have done.

Also, if the baby was born in August, how late did she find out about it? Study leave usually happens in late May/early June so she'd have been six or seven months gone by then...

Sorry to burst your bubble but if he got a B and two Ds then he was never Oxbridge material.

also if youhave no advice why are you bothering replying. Im sorry but my son was just a young boy as well, he suffered too. All this time everyone has focused on his girlfriend, but he was just a teenager as well when she got pregnant and noboy offered him the same help! I don't think it is fair

Sorry I missed the bit he was older... My children are very young but we have a situation at school at the moment where a child is being really quite unpleasant to my child.

We've all had meetings with the headmistress and nothing is really changing. The most frustrating thing of all is that the parents think their child can do no wrong. They act totally blameless and really believe other people have 'made' their son be unpleasant to people.

To be honest, if you lay off some of the blame on the girlfriend and give her a chance and realise your son hasn't exactly been mr perfect, you may be able to get someone. I don't believe that he could be that silly.. To be honest

OP you're getting advice, every poster on here has told you that you should be nicer and more supportive to this girl and encourage your son to grow up and look after his family
But you're saying you've received no advice, sob you obviously mean you haven't heard what you wanted to hear
Did you really think we'd all agree that this girl was the devil incarnate and your precious little boy was the victim in all of this?? Really?

*somewhere

Sorry night feed and I'm soo tired

OP, I'm trying to understand the timeframes involved, can you say roughly how old the baby is?

She was quite far on when she found out, and told the achool about a month later she hid it for months and said she didn't realise she was pregnant! I have had three kids and knew almost straight away with every one....I think she probably didn't want anyone to influence her into an abortion

Maryz, I hope they were to bash her over the head with!
Because either this is a load of old poo or she's being utterly ridiculous thinking her adult son was manipulated into sex by an underage girl who is apparently a bad mother because she
a) takes baby on big long walks with only a coat and a blanket
b) doesn't allow her baby to sleep downstairs with the animals
c) oh no wait; c is ok because she bakes a lovely cake!

my grandson is 13 months old

What support did you want your son to have at school ?

How can he have been born in August and be 13months old now?

im wondering what does health visitor say about all the animals?

how does the girls parents feel about the situation.

why do you blame the girl. and do not have much to say about your son.

i would have thought you would have got better replys had you put your hands up and said my son and girl friend have messed up. or something simlar. all it says is she did this. she did that. my poor son bla bla.

i dont think this thread is real either. but i replyed because im bored.

he wasn't born in august???

How old are you OP? I know it doesn't really matter? Just you're coming across as quite old-fashioned for a mum of teens.

And surely he had a university place conditionally offered before all this so you would have already know if he was Oxbridge material.

I didnt know i was pregnant till i was 4ish months gone mostly because i was in denial i was a little older that 15 unplanned pregnancy can be frightening. she probably had no clue what was going on

I want to babysit my grandchild, just not when it is convenient for both his parents to go out when they fancy it!! as everyone has been saying they are parents now, that isn't how it works

maybe she did hide it because she did not want anyone to push her into an abortion. at 15 if i thought someone might do that to me. then i would do the same.