What do you think about men in their 40's?

[WhiteSwan1]

I'm just asking myself, what is it with men in their 40's or is it just me? I've just come back from my BF's (I'm 39, he's mid 40's) and really have a feeling of him not being sure of what he wants in the future (apart from seeing me as someone fairly interesting and attractive to spend some time with) after seeing me for 18 months.

I recently had a message from ExH (mid 40's) reminding me of how long ago we met and I wonderfully came in to his life (he is now seeing someone else from 5 months after we split up and is still with her).
I have another friend (mid 40's) who has admitted he is cheating on his DW.
I have another male friend (mid 40's) who can't commit to a relationship with any woman and is acting like he's 20 going out with multiple women.
I guess it's just my age and who I know but I just wondered if some men in their 40's go through a stage when they just don't know what they're doing? Any male responses are also appreciated.

Many younger women like older guys. Men tend to get more confident which women obviously like.

Coupled with a possibly unexciting home life, many men will think "what if...?"

"A lot of them seem to take up cycling."

I think both sexes seem to suddenly get the urge to become fitter once they get to 35+.

If it's not cycling then it's all these charity runs, or Tough Mudder type of events.

You know it's interesting, but I think maybe the reason women don't have the same kind of mid life crisis as men is that, even when in our 40s, we still can pull young men. Ok, we don't want to marry them necessarily, nor they us, but I know that (pushing 40) I can go out and take home a man in his 20s if I am inclined to do so.
And maybe young women do like older men, although I was never one of them. I have to confess to having never actually been married to or slept with, a man who is over the age of 37. Not intentional you understand, just how it panned out.

I think when I was I my 20s a man in his 40s may have worked, as I wasn't that bothered about sex.

There sex but then there is power, money and confidence...it's all a balancing act :
;)

My dp is 44 and I am 25... Oh god I'm his MLC aren't I?? Lol

Lol!

Yes. Yes you are.

Ha ha. Well that's what his ex thought anyway but 2 homes and one beautiful baby later, probably not.

Yes, affairs, cars and sports normally in tight shorts showing off their meat and two veg it's not an attractive look Do they know this?

Any of us can go out at almost any age and get a Man to shag. Women in general are not as keen for one off sex sessions, so Men have to work harder or drop their expectations.

Thank you ladies (and gentlemen). I wrote this thread feeling exasperated, woke up and read some more and found this hilarious. I guess these MLC men just have to live through it.
I just remembered the other 40 something guy I recently met, he thought he'd 'have me' despite knowing I was seeing someone else, did a bit of stalking me, went OTT on trying to help with things, dumped his GF, found he couldn't get me, got back with his GF and now ignores me. Brilliant.
I had met my ExH (48 and he looks it) in the summer for coffee and found it hilarious that he'd turned up in a 'young' T shirt, 'Vann' trainers and it just looked odd on him (when I met him he had a tweed jacket and round glasses).
Well, I've decided I've had enough, I'm going to leave them all to their affairs, flashy cars, 'young' clothes, Road bikes and Lycra and spend some time in my life where I know where I'm at!

DH has done it all backwards, middle aged man in his teens, back packer in his thirties, finally married and a dad in his late forties. Now fifty, he's just bought a flash bike with all the trimmings but so far he seems too knackered to go ride it

What is it with the bikes, do they stimulate the prostate or something?

I call a mlc the manopause.

I think bikes give guys a good excuse to tick all the MLC boxes.
Expensive? Check
Gadgets? Check
Exercise? Check
Talking new lingo? Check
Dressing like a twat? Check

And no doubt that overweight, over sweaty, over 40yo bloke walking around in tight Lycra will think the women looking at him are drooling and not just thinking he's overweight, over sweaty, over 40.

Oh God yes the clothes. I have several male friends and long term acquaintances in their mid forties, and the t shirts are getting tighter, the jeans getting more Japanese and expensive, the haircuts (for those that still have hair ) are getting more ridiculously yoof.
And even the ones in seemingly serious relationships, when asked, will say " yeah, she's great, but...I'm just not sure" which is code for "I think there might be something better round the corner".
Mate. There probably isn't. Sorry about that.
It just riles me that their partners, and sometimes they live with these women and their kids fgs, think, understandably, that they have a proper partner.
I wonder about this with my current beau, but he is 36 so probably not been infected with mlc just yet.

So true...... men in their 40s that you would meet online anyway, they always have an eye over your shoulder. I have been internet dating and the only way to deal with this imo is to not sleep with them. It helps prevent me from feeling like a worthless piece of shit. But that's just me.

ifnotnowthenwhenever enjoy it while it lasts, I my last real life bf, not met on line I mean, he was ten years younger than I was and I had such reservations about that relationship. But he was so relaxed about his age, my age. He just wanted to jump right in. Men my age, and when I say my age I mean my age + five to seven years, they are still not able to ''settle'' for me even if there's a compatibility and a chemistry. It's so sad for women. Men have all the power. It's so shit.

I sound a bit lonely and depressed there. I'm not, really. Ok, more coffee.

My friend told me her ex, mid 40s, is getting married - with an engagement first! It's her ex's partner's first marriage and she's doing the full married thing, she's the same age. He's confided to my friend he's not happy to get remarried but is doing it anyway (I think he still holds a candle for her).

Out of the two options, losing her completely or getting married, it sounds like getting married is preferable to him.

I was reading on psychology today that men report that marriage was exceeded their expectations and women reported that it did not live up to their expectations. But i've no idea whether this question was posed five years down the line, before children.... after children, to men in their 20s or 40s!

A mlc doesn't have to result in affair though. I don't think I'll have one because I'm always doing new stuff and changing things.

I still have my hair how I want, still have my piercings, still have a non mumsy slightly unconventional image. I've toned everything down somewhat because I have a professional career and need to look the part, but "I'm" still there. I look like the respectable 40year old version of 20 year old me.

I still learn new things and take on new challenges and I'm a single parent.

How sad that the only way these men think they can be happy is by sticking their dick in someone young enough to be their daughter!

I'm beginning to think that I should start considering men 50+. Hopefully they've grown up a bit by then!!

seeyou

voyageofdad Most men of forty have children of about 5 and 3!!!

I know on my x's 40th, his children were 3 and 6 and I think this is fairly typical!

I'm chatting on line to a nice man atm and he seems to fit your description to a T, but he is older than me at 53 (9 years).

So I think men in their forties who want to leave, the job they started is only half done.

I think it is rare for a man in his forties (ok, late forties, perhaps) to have reached that stage in life. Mortgage paid off, children raised etc.

I think that's true voyageofdad. I also think that what aWow is on about is the men over , I dunno, 38 or so, Don't seem to want to settle down with women their own age. I think there is a lot of truth in that, depressing as it is.
I have a theory that there is an optimum time at which most men need to take the plunge and if they remain single after that point they go...a bit off. (Emotionally speaking).
I just know too many of them to not see a definite pattern.
I don't know about having all the power though. I don't feel that currently, but then I have too much experience of giving my power away to men when much younger, so am very circumspect, even when in love.

Most men in their mid 40s where I live have teenage kids.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl I hear you.

Adapt, evolve, assimilate, but with integrity and class :-p and like a sausage out of a machine I am somehow a woman in her forties, dressed appropriately but I still love my clothes and my jewellery and my make up and scent, now more than ever I think. The things I wore in my 20s weren't picked for me in the same way.....

It is quite sad that men on the journey towards a mlc aren't looking inwards at all. It's just ''how young a woman can I stick my dick in''. So different from the more typical (?) reaction I had to labelling feelings of stagnation and then reading up on Erikkson and feeling a bit better. Reading, thinking, adapting, accepting, training, discovering.