Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

Urologist wouldn't do any investigations because.. I have a urine infection! No shit Sherlock. I now have another two weeks supply of anti biotics, Nitrofurantoin. Am bloody sick of this.

Evening, tis me, a very BLOATED mouse

ma - I'm sorry to read you're poor lady bits and bobs aren't doing so great, I hope the antibiotics work real soon :(

I've just got to put a poorly nemo to bed but will scroll back, catch up and have a chat. xxx

Oh dear.............. I've murdered the thread!

AGAIN!!!

Well, if there are no babes to chat to, and I've gone through my 400+ emails needed to sort out! Maybe, that's what Sunday nights are for. :)

Night Babes xxx

Last night was a bit Shit, I drank big time (night out). Then I sat in kitchen with my friend eating takeaway and kind of blurted everything out. She was surprised, and I wished I hadn't said anything cos its not her crap to deal with, she was really nice about everything though and we're going to student services today, I don't want to admit to a stranger I have a problem because Im ashamed, but she's gonna be right there beside me which is good. I feel like such a burden because she's got her own stuff to deal with, but she says I'm not a burden and shes glad I told someone. She's also promised not to tell anyone else about this, and to support me. We're going shopping later to take my mind off things and buy some junk food and watch films tonight. I bought more alcohol for last night yesterday (bad I know) so I'm gonna pour that away. Part of me feels much better someone in RL knows.

Oh dear jumped off for a few days but back aboard today !
Had a half bottle of wine fri as planned and finished it sat as planned .
Ruined it Sunday eve by starting on the G&T and last night I had a date so did same when I got back .
Back to if today AF until girls night out Fri x

Morning, tis me, mouse

made - "part of me feels much better that someone in RL knows" - that's a really positive way to end your post and I can tell you, most of us have felt that relief too! I'm glad you have someone there supporting you. :)

Morning Tinkerbell - good to have you back!

Right, time to get ready. Nemo has an assessment at the Child Development Centre with his consultant soon, be back later. Stay brave babes. xxx

Morning babes, just checking in. Waves to all babes xx

Hi babes, just checking in too, lost you all there for a bit. Just been catching up, it's been so busy in RL and stressful but I'm still here still sober and will catch up properly later xxxxxx

made well done. Lapses are all part of learning and developing better strategies for coping without booze s d yours gave you the gift of telling a mate and getting some help. So a silver lining. I'm still AF until Friday when DP and I said we would have a few drinks but I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't? I feel so much more level heading after dry Jan and am finally starting to look less bloated. But I just find the weekends so dull without a drink.

Please can I join you all? I'm struggling a lot at the moment, drinking probably 100 units a week (which may be a conservative estimate) and although I'm functioning, working etc, my mental health is really suffering. This is the first time I have ever actually admitted any of this.

I don't drink in the day at all, but come the evening I don't have an off switch. I just about manage to moderate if I'm working the next day, but only as I'm paranoid about being over the limit or smelling of alcohol at work. If I'm not working the next day (my full time is 3 days or nights a week but long shifts) then I will stay up until the middle of the night (went to bed at 5am this morning although partly as I worked nights at the weekend) and all good intentions go out the window after a couple of drinks.

I'm sick of feeling bloated, anxious and low. I'm sick of being terrified of alcoholic liver disease but even though I witness the effects of this at work regularly (it's really not pleasant, and I've seen many young people affected) it still doesn't seem to stop me. I'm constantly checking myself for signs of jaundice, ascites etc and it's making me so anxious.

I have a phone assessment for hopefully some counselling tomorrow, which has taken a lot to build up to doing, but I know that I will deny the drinking. In my career, excess alcohol on my medical records will cause a lifetime of issues (I'm really not irresponsible though; I'm able to be strict with myself the night before work, just not other times!). I'm hoping that if I can sort through some issues as well as posting here I may be able to learn to moderate a bit. I'm not ready to try abstinence, but I want to reduce my overall intake initially with the aim of building to 1-2 dry days a week and go from there.

Is it ok to post later if I struggle? I know I'm going to drink tonight, but my aim is to stick to 2 beers and half a bottle of wine. Still a lot, but last night I had the same intentions and ended up having 4 beers, some wine and a large brandy which I don't even like but it was there so I had it. Anyway sorry for the rant!

Hello elba your post is very bravevand you are very welcome here. Sounds like you are at the point of reaching out for help to slow down your drinking and that is brilliant. Well done. Cutting down us a really positive step. Perhaps try - having your first drink a little later than usual ; setting yourself a time to go to bed and sticking to it. Noticing how quickly you are drinking and trying to slow it down. Find a task you need to do to distract your hands. Polish some shoes , clean out a cupboard , sort out a drawer. It's the small things that will help you. Exclcellent news about the counselling slot , but also scary. But the counsellor will have heard it all before and more. Perhaps write down what you drink and try reading it to them so you are more likely to be honest. Also , you need to take advice on stopping entirely and abruptly ( as you probably know from your job) as this can be dangerous if you are drinking large amounts every day. Big hug to you. Keep in touch this evening.

Hi Elba, your post reminds me a lot of me. It's only been four days since I came on this thread, and I'm back to day 1 because of last night's blow out, but it's been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. The babes are lovely and really supportive and someone more knowledgeable will be along to help.

I went to student services and made a counselling appointment. I still think it's a bit silly as I don't have that much of a problem, but I know I do and I'm just in denial. I've binned all my bottles of alcohol, my friend helped, and was shocked how much I'd gone through. It's going to be hard getting through the next few days especially as I'm going on a night out, and not drinking, but I'm going to try my hardest. My friend keeps telling me I'm an addict and have a serious problem, and I kind of know I do but I still don't want someone telling me. I feel like shit today, really down and lonely which is stupid because I've been with friends constantly, but that's probably the hangover. I feel like I've let everyone down, and it's not fair on my friend to cause her the worry. I just feel like crying and not stopping and I know that's ridiculous

Welcome Elba and well done on that first post. Stopping completely seems, and is, a huge challenge so start with tiny steps. One mouthful less is a step in the right direction

Posted too soon...was going to say set yourself a reduced target. So if you normally drink a bottle of wine, empty a good glug out beforehand down the sink so its a bit less than one full bottle. Success! Leave a mouthful in the last glass - success.
Start later and finish earlier...you get the picture. You must do this gradually, especially given the number of units - and that's not a criticism. Was it Pink who came on here drinking 3 bottles of wine a day and got sober? It can be done!
made keep at it. You have started on the journey. Don't give up

made well done on coming back to the bus despite yesterday's blow out, I know how hard that can be. It sounds like you've got a good friend in rl who is able to support you. You really have taken a huge step in the right direction, well done you.

elba, big welcome to the bus and you are in the right place. Keep posting and the advice the others have given sounds spot on.

All ok here, still dry but I have to admit looking forward to a drink on Friday. It's just a date night with my dh so usually I'm controlled (i say usually - that's means by no means always!) but I am aware I need to be extra mindful after over a month off.

ma I do hope you are feeling better, uti's are utterly horrid

made and elba. It's nearly 9 o clock. How are both doing?

Thanks for the supportive messages, I really appreciate it. I have just downloaded the drink aware app and put in last weeks drinks which amounted to 108 units and crazy calories. Yesterday (bad day) was 34 units which is terrifying. I'm quite slim and have a small appetite (and previous food issues) so although I try and eat really healthy to compensate I'm realising in reality I must actually be quite malnourished as so many of my calories come from booze.

Reading everything I've written back is frightening. I have a professional job which I'm quite senior in and requires me to be completely on the ball at all times but I'm almost living a double life. I basically feel like I'm on the brink of rock bottom and if I hit it I could loose my professional registration and wouldn't be qualified for anything with significant debt to try and pay off. I'm so ashamed of how I have become.

Made I've looked back on your posts and you sound just like I was at your age, only difference being that I wouldn't of had the strength to admit it then. It is so so positive that you have realised that your drinking is not normal and have taken steps to deal with it. I spent my 20s secretly thinking I would be dead before I hit 30. I made it to my 30s but my heads now telling me I won't make 40. The scary reality is that that is a real possibility and medically I know this yet I still keep going. You have made such a positive first step so keep going. (I hope I don't sound patronising- I don't intend to!).

I am drinking my first drink and have a plan for tonight which will add up to 10 units, but I have no idea if I will stick to it. First beer is almost gone and already have anxiety about when I've finished my quota. I plan on going to bed at 11 and watching something on the iPad, but have had this plan many times before and failed so we will see.

Anyway sorry for the essay, and sorry for sounding a bit self obsessed, just not in a great place right now.

Hang in there Elba.
You will find it hard to sleep without the numbing effect of alcohol so be prepared for that. Try a big glass of water just now.

As ma says elba expect a bit of turbulence when trying to sleep but feel proud that you have taken this step. You have almost achieved your goal for today. Try some sugary boiled sweets ( I like liquorice salty balls to suck on )

Hopefully sleep won't be too bad (it's never been great!) as this is my normal amount if I'm working the next day, it's more the willpower I think not to just have one more. I'm still aiming to be in bed at 11, can faff about on YouTube etc for as long I want but hopefully being cosy in bed will make me stop at my 10 units.

I'm in bed now.
made how are you getting on?

Welcome Elba, and well done for being so brave and honest. What you say about your job reminds me of me - I'm also in a senior position in a high pressure job and feel like I live a double life. If any of my bosses knew Drunk Margie then I would be sacked on the spot, so I totally get what you say about walking the very thin line between your professional life and drinking life.

You can do this - you have already done the biggest thing and admitted the problem. Honestly, it's only once it's out there that you can start to tackle it. I think what Ma says about cutting down gradually is excellent advice as it will make you feel like you're headed in the right direction.

Made, you are doing great, I'm amazed by your maturity, you've got a very wise head on your shoulders. It's totally normal to feel weepy and upset, the first time I gave up drinking I felt like I was grieving, alcohol was my friend and I didn't want to say goodbye to it.

Claret, I feel like you about Friday night, I've got a night out and I need to plan carefully if I'm going to drink - my heart says yes, my head says it's not a good idea. But now that DJ is over I'm finding it a lot harder to stay dry.

It's been a very emotional day, and I'm really craving a drink, this is going to be difficult I can tell. I've told my other 2 close friends (one who has been through similar problems) and I feel a lot better now, and think counselling might be good. I've had this problem for years I realise - whenever I'm stressed, I drink and normally this only lasts a few days and I snap out of it but recently I can't. I still hate the label alcoholic and think that I'd like to be able to work to having one or two drinks with friends and it be ok, but cold turkey is best for now. My friends have made a reward chart for me with things like a meal out etc after 2 weeks of not drinking, they've been a lot nicer than I thought. I can tell this is going to be hell on earth for a while, I'm already struggling and it's been 1 day! I've got a plan for a night out, just not take any money so I can't buy drinks. I think it's going to be ok, but it will be hard.

margie and claret we could take a leaf out of elba's book and set a max no of units to drink on Friday night? Although I must say that the weekly low risk guideline if 14 seems like fuck all over a whole week to me!!!! That means 7 on Friday 7 on Saturday and that's it! 7 units being ... A pint of decent lager plus a large glass of wine.

At my worst I was probably on about 50 to 60 units a week.
Just now probably 20 - due in no small part to endless courses of anti biotics which make me feel ill and not want to drink. Every cloud has a silver lining....
made let your friends help you. You need the support network and they will encourage you.
Whether it's cold turkey, counting units or mouthful by bloody mouthful, do what works for you. All the babes have been there, and are still there for many. There is no failure on here. Only the chance to try again...and again....and again.
Good night all. Sleep well and let the night bus take you into a new dawn and a new day.