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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

999 replies

venusandmars · 24/11/2015 16:31

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me Chocolate ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

OP posts:
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22
dementedma · 30/01/2016 17:04

Not really Margie. Feel so low and lousy....

Margie32 · 30/01/2016 17:50

Oh Ma, sending you love and virtual hugs. This too will pass. Hang on in there and keep posting.

Thanks Pop and Faire, I can't let the WW get the better of me. I will do what you say, I can't guarantee that I'll only have a couple of drinks and because I'll be a bit of a lightweight after a month off it there is a huge possibility of me making an arse of myself. It will be ok - my SIL doesn't drink and neither does one of her sisters so I'll have some friends in dryness and I might even take some AF beer with me.

Thanks so much you lovely babes, it's you who keep me on the straight and narrow.

ClaretAndBlue30 · 30/01/2016 19:28

Ma hope you feel better soon, it can be so miserable in the dark cold months - hopefully the snow will ease soon and you can get out for some fresh air.

Margie I've really battled the ww this past week and especially this weekend, its frankly exhausting and I also have a family meal tomorrow and she's chatting in my ear saying..go on just have a drink...but I (and you) will feel so chuffed if we get to Monday dry. I say stick to it. You'll be proud of yourself makes note to listen to own advice

pop you make such a good point. 'Live for now' thoughts are a huuuuge fuck it switch for me (and many of us i expect) its bloody hard. Feeling fed up with it all today (as you can probably tell!)

Anyway happy saturday babes, hope those of you feeling less than ok feel better soon Flowers Chocolate

Mouseface · 30/01/2016 19:33

Evening, tis me, Mouse :)

Thank you ALL for the supportive messages, sorry about my bloomin spoileng moistukes Wink Grin I was using my tablet and not the keyboard!

venus - I know I've missed you and you're more than likely on your way to your well needed and deserved break..... but I wanted to say thank you. Just for being YOU xxx

Ma - wazzz uuuuuuuuuup? :) xxx

Margie - If you do have a couple of drinks after a dry month - (trust me after my epic 'fuck it' night last week) you'll need much less than your 'norm' to feel that warm, fuzzy buzz that you would get a lot further in. Enjoy yourself but see if you can stick to your goal of just a couple, a new challenge after January. :) xx

Hey pop - great to see you sweetie, I feel like I've missed you all so much. :) xx

And you Faire :) - all of you!! It's amazing what exercising can do for you....... body, mind, and soul :) xx

Right, time for a chicken and mushroom stir fry, with sweet chilli sauce, and rice noodle..... YUM!!

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 19:37

It's my first time posting here, and I'm ashamed because I'm only 20, but I think I have an alcohol problem. I don't drink all day every day, but I do feel like I 'need' a drink every couple of days, which often turns into 2+ bottles of wine, feeling down, being sick and having a blackout.

I've been under a lot more stress recently and have been drinking more. I get pissed, throw up etc, feel awful the next day and vow to stop but then I feel like I need a drink again. I've done a quiz on the drinkaware site and it says I have a drinking problem. Last night I was so ill, I woke up this morning on my bathroom floor, I must have passed out. So I've told myself I'm going to try and not drink for a week, but I don't think I can because I'm already craving a drink, but know I can't stop at one.

Sorry for the massive big essay, I just don't know what to do, I'm soo tempted to pour myself a big glass of wine but I know I shouldn't.

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 19:41

Sorry if this was the wrong place to post, but I wasn't sure of where else to post.

evilpopstar · 30/01/2016 19:47

Welcome 1995 it's the right place. You e made a good first step. Take it one day at a time. Tell us a bit more about yourself when you are ready , or just keep checking in. I've got a kid to bathe but I'll be back later.

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 19:54

I think I've realised it's a problem because how much more my shopping bill is, plus I've missed uni lectures because I'm hangover which I've never done. My friends have been commenting on how much I'm drinking too, and I keep the bottles (empty and full) in a drawer because if a friend comes into my room, I don't want them to see them because I'm scared they'll judge me.

I like to drink because it makes me happy for a bit, but then I start to feel depressed and cry and it's horrible. I live in uni halls, and when I get hungry through drinking there's normally someone in there and I'm paranoid they'll hear me slurring and realise that I'm drunk. I think I'm just going to go one day at a time, and not blame myself too much if I fail. I don't know what to do with the other bottles of wine though. I don't want to throw them out, but knowing they're in a drawer is so tempting

Fairenuff · 30/01/2016 20:30

made you are very welcome here and we can help you as long as you stay with us, even if you are still drinking. No-one here will judge you, this is a safe place Smile

Well done for reaching out for help. Do you think you can stay off the booze for the rest of today?

dementedma · 30/01/2016 20:32

Welcome 1995 and well done you on recognisingyou have a problem and stopping it now, before it ruins your life. You have everything ahead of you, don't let alcohol ruin it. Do you parents,friends know? Do you have a welfare tutor or somebody at uni who you can talk to? Keeping bottles arou d is always going to be a temptation for you. Are you drinking now or sober?
So many questions lol

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 20:34

Thanks so much, fairenuff :D I think I can manage tonight. I'm watching TV to keep me a bit busy/entertained and I've got a brew so I'm going to try and get through the rest of the day without a drink

Fairenuff · 30/01/2016 20:39

I've just realised that we're both on the same weight loss thread too made. It's usually recommended that you don't try to diet at the same time as cutting out alcohol.

Just focus on getting through the day without a drink first and dieting can come later. Do you have alcohol in your room at the moment?

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 20:55

I have alcohol in a drawer, I can't really put it anywhere else as I'm in uni halls I only have my room and some kitchen cupboards, and the bottles are too tall for my cupboards. I can't see the alcohol though which is good.

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 21:00

My parents and friends don't know, I'm sure one of my friends suspects something but she doesn't know for definite I don't think. I have a personal tutor, and I could go and speak to student services if I wanted, but I don't know how to go about it, I'm a bit scared I'll get judged, silly I know. I'm sober atm, drinking tea and watching tv, I'm gonna try and get through tonight.

dementedma · 30/01/2016 21:06

I think talki g to your tutor would be a good way to go. He/she wo t think it silly at all. I suspect they will be impressed with your approach.If it is likely to affect your health and your studies, its important they know now so they can help.
You are nearly through tonight. Well done. Go to bed early if needs be. You can do this.

Mouseface · 30/01/2016 21:18

Hey Made

Which do you prefer? 1995 or Made?

ma and faire are confusing me!! Grin

I'm only joking! I'm pleased to read that you can't 'see' your alcohol, 'out of sight, out of mind.....'

You say that your drinking has increased of late and that you've woken on the bathroom floor.... then decided to try to go dry for a week.

You're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself with the dieting too.

We used to have a wonderful chap on here called MIFLAW (man I feel like woman!) who said, stop taking/drinking which ever is going to kill you the soonest. Or words to that effect!

I think that you are under enough pressure to worry about dieting and guess what? If you can take things ONE DAY AT A TIME, and stop with the drinking one day, one step at a time, the weight will naturally come off anyway. :) xx

You are in the right place, we've all been where you are emotionally, socially, and physically.

The support here is unconditional and also without judgement. We'll hold your hand through the utterly shite times, and hug you when life kicks you up the arse.... but drink isn't the answer. Not long term for sure.

It's a wonderful short term fix, the physical effects are great, that first hit you get when you start for the day or night, but it's addictive. The same as dropping a Diazepam or two before an exam/interview/date/pressured situation, still gives you the same false confidence, but long term, that crutch has to grow bigger and bigger and bigger until people start to see it, so then you try to hide it more....

You can stop but you absolutely have to want to stop drinking, more than anything else. It will take all of your will power to do it but with the right support, whether than be here with us crazy Babes, your family, your GP, counselling at Uni or going to AA, (it's totally your choice btw) YOU CAN DO IT!! :) xxx

madein1995 · 30/01/2016 21:39

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone Smile. I don't mind which variation of my name people use, I answer to most things haha! I've been successful and not had any booze so that's a step in the right direction. It's hard, I never realised how much I rely on it. I think I'm going to just keep chatting with you babes for the time being, if I feel I need to tell someone in RL I will but for the time being just knowing someone understands and is there is enough

Margie32 · 30/01/2016 21:45

Hi Made, welcome and well done for admitting your problem, when I was living in uni halls I was drinking in the same way you describe, I was blacking out and waking up in random places but it took me at least another 15 years of drinking like that to admit I had a problem! So well done for being mature enough to recognize it and to want to sort it out now. If you can regain control now you are saving yourself and those around you years and years of heartache and worry.

Everyone on this bus will help you in any way we can, there are other people going through the same struggle and we know how hard it is.

madein1995 · 31/01/2016 01:47

Day 1 done Smile it's been weird and hard not having a drink, not having the wave of relaxation come over me but it's for the best. I've realised I do have a problem, I kept telling myself I could stop whenever I wanted, but actually, not having a drink is harder than I thought it could be. I'm going to bed soon, up earlyish in the morning to crack on with my dissertation (on domestic abuse and effects on childrens emotional wellbeing, so interesting but tough going at times). Thank you all for being so nice Smile

ClaretAndBlue30 · 31/01/2016 07:09

Morning made welcome and well done for getting through your first day. Big step in the right direction! I've been a problem drinker since my first ever drink aged 15 and so wish I'd gained control of it many many years ago. I agree with margie about how great it would be if you could beat this now.

I joined this thread at the beginning of the month and I can honestly say it's stopped me having a drink on so many occasions, just by being here. It's fab and the babes are truely inspirational.

How's everyone doing? blar you still with us? rac?

evilpopstar · 31/01/2016 09:57

Well done indeed made. Like some of the other older birds on here my uni days passed in a blur of booze and drugs and I did not have an inkling of insight. Blacked out threw up slept around can't remember most of it. Terrible when I think of it now. How I wish I'd had your insight earlier on. Good luck with your dissertation. You sound very mature.

evilpopstar · 31/01/2016 10:04

margie good luck today stay strong. Lock those wings. ma hope you are feeling a bit better.

dementedma · 31/01/2016 10:22

Just checking in. Heard the news that Terry Wogan has died. Gutted. Just gutted. So many times had to pull the car over while listening to his outrageous Janet and John stories, as couldn't see to drive safely for tears of laughter. I feel as if the world has lost one of the good guys today.....

Fairenuff · 31/01/2016 11:07

I know ma, so sad Sad

But what a fanastic life he led. Earlier we were saying about life being too short to worry about sobriety but life cannot really be lived if we spend it ricocheting from one drunken episode to the next or quietly anaesthetising ourselves most nights. The days will just pass in a haze with too few memories to treasure, relationships left to flounder.

We don't have to do amazing things, amass a fortune or make a mark on history, we just have to love the people who care about us and love oursleves.

Even when life seems mundane going to work, cleaning the house, looking after children, there are small joys to be found. And live is never still, it's ever-changing so we can grow and change with it. Change anything we want to. I always like to remember this quote 'To the world you might be one person but to one person you might be the world' Smile

Grin

Made can you clear your room of alcohol this morning, before you get tempted today? Give it away or poor it down the sink. I know it's a waste of money but putting it your body is more of a waste. It will still be gone and it will damage you on it's way.

madein1995 · 31/01/2016 11:33

I'm determined to stop drinking now, it was a big temptation having the bottlesv in my room last night so I've given a bottle of wine and vodka to a friend, poured other bottles of wine and cider down sink. It feels such a waste but I suppose you're right, it'd be more of a waste in my body. Tomorrow will be tough I think, I volunteer in a women's refuge and enjoy it but some of the stories are heartbreaking so it'll be hard not to reach for the bottle, I'm determined to do it though!
I took a while to drop off last night, whether that was due to my brain working overtime or not being numbed by alcohol, I don't know.

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