Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

But fuck it is hard

Margie you are so right, it is hard. So impossibly hard.

But. But, but, but... the good news is that it get easier. Honestly it does. It can seem impossible to resist, yet when it has passed you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

There reallly is a better way. You have to push through the hard bit to get to the other side. Yes, it's hard. Maybe the hardest thing you've ever done but it is so worth it.

However, you do need support and other family members having wine at dinner will be so difficult for you. Can you get them on board?

It's possible to carry on regardless but so much harder if your family are drinking around you, particularly in the early days.

Well done April. Try to remember that day 2, 3, 5, 10, 20, etc. is just like day 1. It's just a day x

Small I definitely like a clean sweep for the new year. My decorations are all down already. The cupboards are almost free of the extra Christmas 'treats' which we are all now sick of. Yes to getting back to normal

Hi baby you goddam fabulous babe

You don't know it because you can't see it in yourself but you are a massive inspiration to all of us and you give so much to us even when you yourself are running on empty.

Your family obviously see what we see because they love you and want you in their lives and I'm sorry that you've had so many difficult day but, very selfishly, I am so thankful that we have you on our bus x

Morning all. baby, lovely to see you.
ma, look at the positives - it was 1 glass, not a bottle.
Day 3. I will not be drinking today.

I've struggled the first 2 days mostly because DH and I aren't getting on very well and my instinctive reaction is to drown my feelings in wine. Hopefully we can make it through today without a fight, fighting the wine witch is quite enough.

Have a lovely day all.

Hi everyone and baby thank you especially for your empathetic voice.

ma today is another day so don't throw it all away with a "well fuck it" moment. We are doing such an important thing, all of us. Attempting to free ourselves from alcohol, its hold over us and the sneaky alcoholic voice that gets to us during our recovery by saying things like "c'mon, you're doing so well, you obviously don't have a problem, you're not a vodka on your cornflakes kinds gal so just have one, cold, smooth glass of white...". We need to have a plan when this fella pops up. Pour yourself a tonic with lime, eat icecream, go to bed, have an epsom salt bath...sit on the toilet and MN...

As for me, yesterday passed and I got better towards the end. I still have the waves of shame and the nausea that comes with them. I am still really unable to eat and have the runs. But it's all good, like labour, because this pain is bringing me towards peace. So I am holding onto that.

Today I won't drink. And if I'm white knuckling it until a craving passes (and it does, it's not like hunger which gets worse, it just passes eventually) then for that minute, 5 mins, hour, I just won't drink. And I'll see what the next hour brings.

Getting the children's stuff ready for school, trying to thaw out the husband some more, getting more of the house in order, walking them all in the rain. This is my plan today.

Good luck all. x

Hey all, and thanks. Am just hanging about today doing nothing in particular. Need to put all the Christmas stuff in the attic when I can be bothered, but have done nothing yet other than make a pot of soup for lunch.

You might feel better once you get it all out of the way ma. Decorations are lovely but once you start to feel cluttered it's time for them to go. Then you can relax in your tidy home.

Baby, I love your posts, they make me want literally want to track you down (in an un-stalkerish way), knock on your door, give you a massive hug and say thank you, thank you, thank you. You are such an inspiration to me and to so many other people on the bus.

Great to hear from you South, glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I'm also hearing the sneaky alcoholic voice telling me that if I've managed two days AF then I clearly haven't got a problem, but I've told the sneaky bastard to shut up and clear off.

Faire, you're right, it would be easier if my whole household went AF but I feel like it's very unfair to ask my DH and my Dad not to drink around me when they are totally normal drinkers who can put a cork in a bottle when they've had one glass. I obviously did not inherit that gene! My Dad doesn't really know how bad my problem is and I'm not ready to admit it to him at the moment, so I think I'll have to put up with wine on the table for now.

April, I hope your day is going ok and you're avoiding the arguments, I always reach for wine when there's tension with my DH but I think I can safely say that it has never made the situation better and almost always made it worse.

I've been to the shops this morning to pick up some presents for DS1 who turns 5 on Wednesday (where did those 5 years go???). This afternoon we're going into town and I'm planning on having a huge fat hot chocolate with cream and sprinkles. And I'm not going to drink today.

Margie birthdays at this time of year are tricky aren't they? Dd1 was 25 just before Christmas and baby Ds will be 14 in a few weeks!

How are we all doing coming into the evening?

Because this is a place where we are honest, I am drinking a beer. Not wine, not spirits but not AF. Am still in the sidecar. Looks like Dry January is going to have to be a moderated January for me. Cheering on all the day 3 babes.

Hi South - I'm doing ok, thanks, and hope everyone else is too. I'm chugging the becks blue again and it feels a bit like groundhog day from last Jan .

Ma your honesty is admirable - and don't feel bad for moderating rather than going AF. We are all going in broadly the same direction but in slightly different ways, clinging on to different bits of the bus - but we will all get there. We have to believe that.

Baby you total, wonderful, utter, star. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you.

Oh ma I am sorry, because I can feel how down you are about it.

Moderated January is better than shitfaced January, so take the positives where you can, lovely.

Tomorrow can be your day 1 - no shame in that at all. Or continue with this reduced mode of drinking. Anything is better than it was before, am I right? I know that's the case for me. My drinking was taking me down an incredibly dangerous path.

All this talk about Simon Danczuk in the news today and him admitting his alcohol problem has lead to some really interesting debates and calls on talk shows on the radio, LBC especially.

I am feeling a lot better today, as you said I would! I have had a proper meal and even though I know sleep will be hard and the shivers of shame will arrive at that point, I'm doing ok.

I had a brief "ooo, wouldn't that be nice" moment earlier when I saw a glistening, chilled, expensive bottle of wine in the wine fridge (yes, we have one, sigh) but quickly dull that voice down by telling it to fuck right off, basically.

I've also just had a thought, when writing about that bottle, that never again drinking is so...well...permanent! But I really don't think I can moderate. I really don't think I can. In fact I know I can't.

So back to old adage of one day at a time. And today is nearly done.

Tonight another early night and some sober-blog reading.

The thaw is continuing with the husband too...yay!

Good luck everyone and ma don't be so hard on yourself. You've made a change today, and that in itself is something to be proud of. Maybe tomorrow you'll feel able to stretch that moderation to one night off completely. No fuggy head in the morning - everything clear and fresh...it really is nice.

south you are doing really well for ignoring the wine. You will be able to wear the smock of smug soon
I'm OK. Don't feel the need to drink any more tonight so again, better than the previous bottle of wine. I will just keep reducing.

Hey indie chuck that half bottle down the sink mate. Do it now! You know what's going to happen otherwise....

Just chuck it all down the sink Isinde. Bloody lightweights

Snap ma

we know the pattern so well.....

Hello! I was wondering if I might join you all. I'm trying to give up alcohol for good. I'm fed up of starting every year/birthday/month/notable occasion with 'This time I'll do it' only to fall flat on my face a few days or weeks later. I hate alcohol (have done for a while) and I hate that I drink it every night anyway Boredom and depression haven't helped. I really want this to be it.

Hey Gorilla and welcome to the bus. You are in the right place and we'd love to have you on board. Do you feel able to tell us a bit about yourself? No worries if not - there are enough loud and lovely people on here to keep the conversation flowing either way.

Indie chuck it. It's not worth your sobriety - even if it's a nice bottle!

And I'd stay away from AIBU!

ma I hope to wear the smock of smug soon! I am intensely competitive but have zero, and I mean ZERO will power. Which is why I am trying to have a plan in place for when I get to the 6-7 day stage and I'm thinking - or rather my alcoholic voice is thinking - go on, have one now...it's ok...

So boredom is my thing, rewarding myself for my tough day etc. My plan is to have plenty of interesting soft drinks in to pour. Bed early and lots of sober reading to do...

That should see me through the first week!

I have this party coming on Friday and that'll be my test. Again, plenty of interesting drinks for me that maybe look like a G&T so I'm not getting asked why I'm not drinking etc. You know how it is...

So we can totally do this. We needn't rely on will power alone. Have some little tricks in place, know your triggers and come here and other sober blogs for supportive posts and reading.

Thanks for the welcome, SmallFox! I'm rubbish at talking about myself really. I feel like there's not much to say- I'm in my twenties, single, underemployed. I've got too much free time and have messed it up with booze and other crap. I want to stop stagnating- I've only had one beer so far this year. There's just so much space to wrestle with, iykwim. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall every evening.

Gorilla I meant to say welcome and yes, do tell us a little about yourself. You'll see above I've laid myself out bare with my most recent exploits!

I swear my liver is actually hurting trying to sort itself out, as are my kidneys. I'm in pain! But I am doing better than yesterday and I have not had a drink today and tomorrow will be better.