Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

Very low Didn't even notice it (if it was on the first or second part)

faire!!!! Phwoar. Going to have to erm, tune up my triangle after loo!ing at that pic!!!
spanna that's me. Fucking fabulous and telling the world.
Actually I'm off to bed with period pains and a hot water bottle
So good to see all you loonies again!

Getting a bit distracted from driving, what with Ma yelling in that there loud hailer and half naked men !!!!

I'm going to turn the bus over to 'cruise control' I've tapped our destinations into the satnav, so it should pick it up, who knows where we'll end up but we're definitely headed to Scotland

Night everyone Zzzzzzz

Fruit loops, the lot of you

Hi ladies, my first post here. Have read the whole thread and am in awe of your achievements.

I am a binger and have got worse into my thirties.

I seem to hit a level where I can't stop and just want to drink into oblivion. I also binge on cocaine if it's available.

The last time I did this was 30th Dec and despite having friends and family staying for Christmas and NY I was completely fucked. I am ashamed and embarrassed. I have spent a fortune doing it and wasted the holidays.

I am still feeling shaky and shamed. Sick and tired.

I have children and a husband, why do I do this?

I never want to drink again because I cannot drink normally. So just for today I'll say no drinking and we'll see how I do.

In the meantime, any ideas as to how I can start to feel better? Still could vomit, hot flushes, tired, insomnia. Help me.

Welcome south pole. Admitting to the problem and making the first post is a big step so well done. If you have read the threads you will know that some of us don't drink at all, some moderate, and some battle the dreaded wine witch on a daily basis.
First mantra is ODAAT - one day at a time. So just for today, you aren't drinking. Just for today. We will worry about tomorrow when it comes. Lots of water today and sugary things as your body will crave the sugar it normally gets from alcohol. We can worry about the diet tomorrow too . I think many Babes take a vitamin B complex to help repair the damage and take the edge of craving more booze - someone will be along to correct me if I'm wrong! This is a safe,non-judgement place. Don't be put off by the in jokes and occasional lunacy - underneath we are all ordinary people with alcohol problems. Here is your ticket to the bus. Enjoy the ride...

Hi South glad to have you join us. Two really useful tips are, as you say, one day at a time and the other is to keep posting here, even if it all goes horribly wrong. Maybe, especially if it all goes horribly wrong because getting started can be the hardest part and being here with us can help with that.

So, you've made the decision to not drink just for today. Great

I find it helps to write that down in the morning and also write down what I'm going to do if I get a craving. Then refer back to it as soon as you feel yourself waver.

I'm not drinking today. The decisions is made. I will have a hot strong coffee, I will eat some cake, I will go out for a 20 minute walk. I am not drinking today, I don't want to. The decision is made...

That sort of thing.

I think that if I have a craving for wine I will simply take myself up to bed and do some sobriety reading. This I think will work for me.

I've just rested and let the children eat eleventy million lolly ices between them. Husband is driving our guests home and won't be back until late.

He is disgusted in me and I have a long way to, yet again, make it up to him. But words are just words, action time now. One day at a time and sooner than I think I know, having read stories of recovery, that it'll add up and I'll be a new person.

I know as the time goes on it'll become easier and I know I need some tools to deal with certain situations that I will come across, perhaps unexpectedly.

I am hosting a party for a friend here on Friday and I am not actually worried about that. I wouldn't usually find time to drink at such an event and they way I feel after my latest binge will still be fresh. But on a normal night I could drink, easily, two bottles of white wine. My husband will have a couple of glasses just so I don't have it all!

I am so sick of myself. I need to become the person I was when younger when I never ever got in this state. It's like the children came along and I, when I can, make it all up in that one night. Cue two days of vomiting and shaky feeling...

Now there's this bottle of wine + a night...not healthy, wasteful in every sense...

I cannot drink normally any longer and therefore I should stop. Completely.

Thank you for your support. I'm hanging onto it with my fingernails. x

Hi Snow and all the other Babes as well, I think this might be my first post. I lurk from time to time as I have made some good strides in my own journey with the wine witch (the Beer Bastard in my case) over this last year. I have managed over the last 6 months to cap my drinking to no more than 4 occasions a month (although it went to pot over Christmas and I drank every day for 14 days straight). Back to the better days now though.

This may sound a bit weirdly anal but I made myself a calendar and saved it to Dropbox, then I marked in red the days I drank and in green the days I didn't. In 2014 I drank on 243 days in the year.....in 2015 I drank on 117. I feel pleased by this, although each of those 117 days was a binge (10+ units) and I was sick on 3 occasions. My plan for 2015 is to reduce it further, to 65 days or less, and not have any occasions where I make myself sick through drink. I don't feel I want to become abstinent at the moment, although I won't rule this out, and I've got a Dry January ahead so I will see how it goes. I've managed to lose 2.5 stone in the last 6 months through diet and exercise (though some of it has crept back on due to eating and drinking like I was competing in the Gluttony Olympics over Christmas) so I am really motivated to keep a healthy lifestyle and not have drinking interfere with that.

This thread is fantastic and you ladies are fucking marvellous.

Hi South, well done for posting, you sound like a bloody fab person, it takes a lot to admit that you're losing the battle. I can empathize with everything you said, I've had enough of those awfully, grovelly apology conversations with my DH to last a lifetime. This bus is a great place to be, especially with a New Year full of hope and good intentions in front of us.

Deri, I love the sound of the calendar, it must be great to be able to monitor the improvement you're making. You have done so well to cut it down by over 100 days - that's brilliant! I also competed in the Gluttony Olympics over Christmas so I'm hoping Dry January may reduce the wine baby look a bit!

spanna can you head due south when you've picked up all the UK babes? This babe resides in Foreignlandia. Thanks Hun.

PS. I did watch all 3 episodes of the Agatha Christie but got v distracted after the towel incident, couldn't really concentrate after that!

Well, I've been out for a rainy and cold walk in the rain - well, not cold as I am still flushing and sweating horribly.

Have taken some B12 as it's what we have in the house, but will look into what number B I need.

Have tried to tidy up a little but the whole place is an absolute pigsty! I know tomorrow or the day after I'll get on it (the tidying!) take down the deccies and get the droppy tree out of here. Fresh start...

Husband is on his way home and I have had some support from my sister who is a year + sober in AA after a massive breakdown and other problems a while ago. She has said that it is so easy to cross the line and not even know it has been crossed. Or that there were a line in the first place.

So still shaky and poorly feeling, like I've been hit by a bus thanks to the vomiting. Throat and nose hurting thanks to the white stuff and the throwing up. Embarrassed about over sharing with my friend and putting dumb shit on facebook.

Urgh, waves of hot shame and cringe coming over me like nausea now.

I think I need to get a drink in mind to have at this party I have coming up on Friday so that I don't get any questions - I am the local party girl. Sigh.

I'm not even looking at a Dry January - just a dry day today.

Sorry for being all me me me right now. I am a supportive person generally and once this fog has lifted I'll be a better contributor, I promise.

Although reading about my fresh shame and The Fear must be cementing your decisions to stay dry or moderate!!

You're doing ok South and you're right, hearing about someone sick of drinking is a reminder that none of us really want to go there. Can you put the Friday party out of your mind just for today? Try not to focus on that and just get through the here and now. Baby steps.

Deri welcome and brilliant achievements, lots of AF days and weight loss to boot, well done. I also kept a calendar of red and green days quite a while ago now. I would get so easily disheartened if I had a drink that it would spiral into several days before I stopped again, so I used it to prove to myself that, even if I was having the odd drink, there were loads more green days than red. It sort of grounded me and helped to get back on it quicker.

Hi South

A very brave and honest first post. It takes a lot of courage to spell it out like it is and the bus is the place to do it. I still struggle on a daily basis - but I know it's easier for me to abstain than moderate. The old story of one is too many then ten is not enough. As for feeling ashamed and having the fear I've spent many a time in the awful early hours at the bottom of my bed under the covers holding my head in anguish. Sick, heart pounding and anxious as f**k. Less so these days I admit but that is partly because I don't really go anywhere. Invited to a party? No thanks ...

I read somewhere that every single person you meet is struggling with something and this is our struggle.

Spanna over here to France after you get Margie please lovely lady.

Ladame, I love that quote about everyone struggling with something, that is so true. And South, your sister is so right, I never knew there was a line to cross until I'd left it far behind me.

I'm only on day two and would really love a drink . I hate the fact that I miss it so much after only one day. Luckily my SIL is staying at the moment and is doing Dry January too so she should be able to keep me on the straight and narrow tonight. But fuck it is hard.

Maybe I'll do a calendar like Faire and Deri, sounds like a good way to keep tabs on things. I didn't drink yesterday but before that it was probably a random day in early November. The run-up to Xmas was a very slippery booze-fuelled slope for me.

Thanks all.

margie I'm sorry you are struggling today but glad there is someone there to help you through. Could you ask her for help?

The cravings pass, so I've read. Whiteknuckle it and grab a soft drink to sip on.

Alcohol is shit. It's all a massive fucking photo-shopped lie.

isindie is right about the cravings. I used to imagine that a craving would get worse and worse (like hunger), but I was surprised to find that however awful and intense it felt like at the time, if I could get through it - minute by minute or second by second, then I'd find that the feeling had receded way back. What a revelation!

So I drink something else (lemon and soda, or a mug of tea), I eat something tangy, I clean my teeth with strong toothpaste, I find something to do with my hands, and I try to distract my mind. On line Sudoku keeps hand and brain occupied....

Good luck to everyone who is on this journey.

Welcome south and deri

Day 2. I have eaten a whole chocolate orange but I haven't had a drink.

Evening all. Didn't even get through Day 2. One very large glass of wine but still not AF. Suppose it's better than a bottle.....
Will try again tomorrow

Hey, Ma, hugs to you - one day at a time, and tomorrow is another day.

Day two feels way, way tougher than yesterday. Anyone else feeling an irrational hatred for anyone and everyone in the vicinity, coupled with a weird forensic desire to clean out cupboards and throw everything/one in the bin? Am trying not to talk to much to anyone in case I deliberately provoke a row. Grr. Calming tea is not working any magic yet, I have to say.

Thanks small going to bed now

[hugs] to you Ma, night night Hun, as Fox says tomorrow is another day.

I managed dry day 2 but I'm with you Fox, it felt so much more difficult today. If it feels this hard after 2 days, how's it going to feel after 20??? I know I shouldn't think that far ahead...

Thanks for all the tips Venus and Indie, I think you're right and keeping busy is the key, I had about 2 hours pre-dinner when my entire body felt like it was screaming for a drink. Luckily my SIL was there and we both had a tonic water with lime, I then ate almost an entire family packet of crisps plus a tube of smarties one of my kids got over Xmas .

I'm worried because my SIL leaves tomorrow and then it'll just be DH and my Dad at mealtimes who always have a bottle of wine on the table at dinner, and sometimes lunch too.

I am obsessed with drinking and now I'm obsessed with not drinking, I just want to forget about it and focus on the rest of my life. I feel so pathetic that it is this hard for me to do 48 hours AF when obviously logically I know that it is the right thing to do. But I guess if it wasn't this hard then it wouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, night night everyone, thanks for all the support.

Hi you goddam fabulous babes,

It's been a helluva past year for me and this bus has saved me so many times, I feel very emotional reading the last few pages and great nostalgia at all of you that have "come home" to the bus.

The person I became at the worst point of my drinking was a desperately sad, bloated woman, drinking perilously dangerous amounts for week long binges, boxes and boxes of wine that I still can't believe my body actually survived. My parents were worried sick, my dh was too and nobody knew, least of all me what crazy, demonic spirit took my soul and stamped all over it. So as most of you know I ended being hospitalised after a horrific episode and a crisis team stepped in and it was discovered id had a mental breakdown, also that id been trying to suppress my bipolar disorder (didn't know I had) and have been in recovery since.

I only wanted to let our new babes, or anyone lurking that there is always a way back to the life you had, or indeed a way to the life you deserve.

south I cried reading your post, I have been so sick through drink, I feel your pain, so close in my own life, my shame (still Sears into my heart) sickening shame, panic attracts I was sure would kill me and I family I thought could never forgive me.

I swear to God this bus will be soooo kind to you, crikey there were times no one in my RL would talk to me at all and here I felt love, compassion and a warmth and kindness that made me weep with relief many many times. Those days were so dark I cannot think of them, or you without wishing I knew then what I know now and what this bus world give me and that was HOPE!!

Still sober and I love you all so very much xxx