Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

Well done you star. Well done.

Be smug and sad, they're not mutually exclusive.

I've just ordered some epsom salts and vitamin b complex for my recovery. Apparently the vits will help to keep the cravings in check.

Well done indie. Here, have a green Opal Fruit.
I resisted continuing on from the beer and had a cup of tea.
Bedtime here.

Hi Gorilla, welcome, lovely to have you with us.

South, is it just normal vitamin B tablets? I'm going to do the same, anything that might help with the cravings.

Indie, you're amazing, well done that woman!

Ma, I have no doubt I'll be in the same situation as you one of these days and if I can limit myself to only one beer I'll be doing pretty well, in some ways only one drink is harder than no drinks.

Day 3 over and done with. Any idea when I might start feeling happy that I'm not drinking? At the moment I just feel bored, resentful and sad.

Margie drinking too much alcohol depletes vitamin B from the body, so there are lots of potential benefits to be had.... Here is a post I wrote about vitamin B a few years ago:

^I'm such a fan of vitamin B for sorting out glossy hair, better skin, better sex life and much, much improved mental health.
Vitamin B1 helps to metabolise sugar and starch to give you energy. Found in wholegrain cereals and bread.
Vitamin B2 repairs damaged proteins (muscle, skin) in your body and helps to grow hair and nails. Found in milk, cheese, yogurt, eggs.
Vitamin B3 required for sex hormones and reduces redness, especially in your face. Found in chicken, turkey and fish.
Vitamin B6 important for the immune system (and possibly to relieve PMS). Found in wholegrain bread and cereals, also banana, avocado and pork.
Vitamin B12 important for production of bone marrow, red blood cells and most importantly neurological regeneration and cognitive function. Found in meat (especially liver and kidney) and eggs.
Folic acid important in preventing tiredness. Found in green vegetables (broccoli, spinach, peas etc) and oranges.

If you have a look at the information on a pack of cereal they will often show the information. e.g. Special K has about half the daily requirement of Vit B1 B2 B6 B12 and also folic acid. So Eating a bowl of cereal with milk, followed by a sandwich made with wholegrain bread and cheese, or an egg and some toast, or perhaps some vegetable soup will go a long way towards replacing and maintaining levels of vitamin B. Or all of the above plus a vitamin B supplement.

Not surprising that once we stop drinking and B vitamins are restored we feel as though we have more energy, more alert, less forgetful, our skin is better, less flushed, and our hair looks glossier^

south a previous poster on here ( MIFLAW ) used to say that will power was about as useful in controlling an alcoholic craving as it was in controlling diarrhoea - you need other strategies and other kinds of help and support too.

isindie proud of you for chucking that away. tbh you know that half a bottle wouldn't have felt like enough anyway. And in the morning you will be so, so glad that you didn't drink it (and then open another bottle).

Venus thanks for that vit B reminder - will stock up today.

Back to work, grr. Woke in the night with blinding headache which I still have, and feel sick and a bit dizzy. I don't think this is just work-related - has anyone had anything similar and could it be related to withdrawal/departure of toxins? Don't remember encountering anything similar in previous periods of abstinence. Very disconcerting.

Hope everyone has good days.

Morning All

Fox hi darling, it could be toxins, I have really odd tastes in my mouth when I have given up previously. Drink loads of water today and I hope work isn't too bad. i'm back at work today first time in something like 6 weeks, so not looking forward to it!!!! I want to be a laydeee of leisure, can some nice rich bloke not just whisk me away somewhere (dream dream dream)

I've gotta get up or I'll be late. will check in later on. Have a good day everyone x

Hi everyone.

so day 4 for me I think! I stopped drinking in my last binge about 8am 31st Dec. How fucking sick making is that?

Still tired, still shivers of shame, diarrhea, nausea and jitters but I am getting there. I am a lot better than I was!

But I am happier to get up in the morning. No fuggy brain. Better with the children. More get up and go. Flatter stomach. No drama with husband. No waking up and thinking "what shit did I put in facebook last night?" "who did I text?" "what invitations have I thrown out there?".

I am tired today as I was doing some sober reading last night and got caught up so I need to not take my ipad to bed for a more restful sleep. This is another habit to break!

Still taking my vit b and drinking my water.

Not going to be too hard on myself today. Gonna spend the last day off with the kids before they head back to school and nursery. Give the husband a list of bits to get and research some hotels for our holiday - mid-Feb and will give me another challenge with regards to drinking - but that's Feb's challenge...

I am looking forward to losing a bit of weight too. I make bad food choices with a bottle of 600 calorie wine inside me!

ma how are you doing today?
indie still wearing the smock of smug?! I would be if I'd ditched half a bottle of my fave drink for the greater good.

venus I like what MIFLAW said about willpower! So true!!

Has anyone ever done AA?

I wonder if it might help adding some face to face stuff to my willpower, vit b and online work?

Hi Gorilla welcome to the bus

Indie well done on the chucking it down the sink - better in the drain than in you!

I'm doing the four nights a week off thing. Nothing from Sunday until Thursday night and the really stupid thing is that by Thursday I feel so much better, calm, sleeping properly and not all blotchy and bloated. I'm really going to try hard to extend it to Friday and for once in my life have a weekend off. My problem is boredom too - working at full pelt all day (or travelling) and then having an evening in front of me - too early to eat - too many cups of tea/coffee to want another one. Mr L also has a couple of beers when he gets home most nights and likes to have a chat in the kitchen which is fatal for me.

I don't have the wine witch - I have a wine snake It lives in my stomach and as soon as I even think of a glass of wine in the evening, I feel it uncoil itself and open one large green interested shiny eye , it then coils and uncoils itself giving me an anxious feeling. I've got to learn to stop feeding it and maybe it'll die.

Sorry for the intense post but I wanted to tell someone - I've had a horrible anxious night thinking about 2016 starting and all the work and life to get through. I should count my blessings I know

After two weeks of really bad drinking I am on day 1. Feel shocking, really shaky and my skin and hair are horrible.

Ladame I am also thinking of doing four nights off a week, can't get my head around a dry weekend yet but will be more than halving my intake. Can totally relate to your wine snake.

Am also starting counselling on Thursday to help with my wine (and food) problems, it has all been going on for too long and I'm so tired of it.

Having just re-read my post it sounds like I am setting myself for failure. I do need to aim to be AF for the weekend too.

Hey, work, good to hear from you again. If cutting down doesn't send you into a binge, it could work for you. It did for me. I cut down weekday drinking just like you and Ladame but then instead of trying for an AF Friday, I cut out Sunday first.

I found it easier because Friday evening after work I was tired, hungry and had that 'weekend' feeling, so I still drank on Fridays and also Saturday if I felt like it. Sunday was easier to knock on the head as, other than maybe Sunday lunch, I had no real 'trigger' to drink. Also I had work the next day and wanted to get a good nights sleep and feel rested and refreshed.

I got some AF wine & beer for emergencies and that really did help. Some AF wines taste pretty good and I especially liked the sparkling white which fooled the ww (or the snake) into thinking it was getting what it wanted. After a while, of course, I didn't need to bother with them so, whilst a little more expensive to get a nice AF wine, it was just a short term measure and did the trick.

Hi gorilla welcome to the bus

Thanks faire good to know this approach has actually worked for someone.

On the (handful) of AF days i had towards the end of last year I found that if I had a becks blue at five while cooking for the kids (my wine o'clock) and made it through to six the worst of the cravings had gone, just left with a flat feeling.

I might have a look into AA as I haven't managed any time off really! And not for the lack of trying...then the old addictive/alcoholic voice starts up and I think I'm fine - and for a couple of days I am. I convince myself that I can do this moderation lark like normal people after all! But it creeps up - God knows I need a fuck load to reach the level of drunkeness I want. I never did like the taste...does anyone?!

I want to be normal and sensible. I want to be the one who says at the party "no, not for me tonight thanks, I've got to take DD to ballet tomorrow at 9am!!".

I want to be grown up and clearer and look better. Be better.

So abstinence for me is the way forward. I can't see myself ever going back to drinking - but at the same time never drinking again is SO LONG!

Anyway, it's all moot because it's one day at a time for me.

I think I've just had enough of drinking.

It helps to have something to do in the evening, after dinner, when that flat feeling comes along. The hours til bedtime can seem such a stretch at first. Once you get used to it it's ok but at first the evenings can see endless.

I've got actual real life puzzles, I play computer games, I read and sometimes even decide to do a bit of decorating or cupboard sorting. I've got colouring books too and exercise dvds, etc. so there is usually something that I can turn to if I'm at a loose end.

Some people take up a new hobby like knitting or go out to evening classes or the gym. All these things are self soothing and self caring which can have really positive benefits, as well as whiling away the hours.

Going to AA two or three times a week would be a great way to get out of the house and kill some time too. I've heard people say that they even went every day to start with.

This thread itself it a very good motivational read if you start from the very begining. JWN's success is inspiring and the tips are fantastic.

Joey are you out there?

I love you Babes. So glad you are all still here.

I had a pretty dire December, work was awful, draining and difficult fights with boss - I was right, everyone said I was, but that didn't make standing up for myself any easier, - and though I 'won', I'm not looking forward to going back, because he made it quite clear in his last email before Christmas that I needed to pull myself together and watch my back.

So I withdrew into myself and only came out to drink a couple of bottles of wine a night; passed out most nights, looked like crap and only was only quiet in my head when I was out with Pup. I managed to moderate (to a bottle and a half a day) over Xmas, and hold it together whilst parents are here, and declared my Dry Jan intentions.

So, here I am, day 4, starting to feel a little better, but also feeling anxious about EVERYTHING.

Well, I went shopping today and didn't buy anything except good food and some chocolate

I'm feeling a bit nervous because a friend just got a new job and wants to celebrate- not sure if it means going out out or just something at his place. But him and his partner love good food and drink. How do you deal with friends that feel like they aren't being good hosts unless they've given you a 'proper' (read: alcoholic) drink? Also (and I know this makes me sound selfish) people doing well makes me feel panicky and left behind and gets me thinking I'm a failure, and it just sent me into a bit of an emotional tailspin.

I'm sorry you're dealing with anxiety, SweetLathyrus. I wish I had good advice, but I feel like all I can do is commiserate. Anxiety is bloody exhausting. Well done on reaching day four!

Oh, and thank you for all the other welcomes! Forgot to add that into my post.

((Hugs)) sweet, good to see you. Am with you on day 4 and seem to be in the fitful sleep, wierd dreams stage. At least waking up is not at dawn with a racing heart, while I mentally try and talk myself into a calmer state. Keep at it, the situation at work may remain tense and difficult but at least your inner world will start balancing out without the drinking/hangover cycle upsetting it.

Spanna I hope your first day back at work was good pumpkin and I also hope your dd is feeling stronger in herself. You are such a brilliant inspiration on here please never leave Xx

isinde I am rooting for you and am so impressed about the hurdles you have got through already. Had to laugh at your thinking - I would so have had the same thought process - 1/2 bottle? Then what? Meh, not nearly enough to relax with

love to all babes

Hi gorilla don't think my page had refreshed when I posted. Perhaps a driving/antibiotic/headache excuse for the celebration? Have to agree with you, anxiety is totally exhausting enjoy your chocolate!

Hi Gorilla, you're right about it being exhausting, drags away all the emotional energy I need for other things (like staying calm with DS 😬). What good yummy things did you get? I made olive, coriander and onion bread today). Friends like that and celebrations are difficult, esp. at the beginning, you can either tough it out as a 'dry-Jan-er', or as Beaches suggests, go with the antibiotic etc.

Beaches, me too with the sleep! Are you still doing your crafty things? Was it stained glass? My memory has taken a battering recently.

I think it will definitely have to be an excuse along those lines, beaches, at least for a while. I'm not good at confiding in people irl, so for now it'll just be antibiotics, maybe

It's all rather run of the mill stuff, SweetLathyrus! Full fat yoghurt, vegetables, salad, fish etc. My body's been running on mostly carbs for so long, I thought it was time for a better diet. But not too much better atm, since I'm still inhaling all of the Christmas chocolate. For a while whenever it comes to eating/drinking I've felt queasy and nauseous- I don't know if it's psychosomatic or what, but it feels like my body is just fed up with all of the crap.