any other alternative mums out there?

[madamez]

Having lived a very non-mainstream life, I'm finding it hard to live in Straightworld. Anyone else out there feeling totally bemused once the playgroup chat moves away from weaning & nappies? Or is this just the general alienation everyone feels once DCs start forging their own way forward?

God, Lemsip - that's proper hard stuff (and hopes that joking comes across in text form!)

Hope you feel better soon.

To further my point - I think it's pretty shallow to assume that just because someone wears jeans and a top they're square (and crap at BJs) and because someone wears they're really way out there (and a fab BJer) - that was all.

ok.

perhaps i've offended you.

I'm very sorry if i have.

you consider yourself normal. As a minority in terms of your sexuality and therefore your family setup, I don't think you are. As someone that considers themselves absolutely NOT normal (child of immigrants on both sides, straddling class, ambivalent sexuality and it goes on and on and on and on) I am mortified if I have, but stand by what I term normal i.e. overtly, and outwardly of the masses, the majority.

That's OK Mercy, although I was starting to feel a tiny bit got at! (It's what comes of not being 'normal'..!). Am off to bed now - horribly early morning - but interesting thread!

Yes, Sophable - I think you're probably right and have definitely got a point. It just brings me up a bit because of course in my head I'm completely normal, because I'm me!! But yes, in society's eyes (not their on the surface eyes, but once they get to know our family make up), I'm definitely not 'normal'. If you were to see me in Tescos I'd be mrs utterly, boringly normal (only to be noted because of my scruffiness and very loud children), but if you were to ask about my husband and I had to correct you, then all of a sudden I'm not at all normal. Quite true and something that I still struggle with from time to time.

But anyway, the thread's deviating, so to speak, from where it started out! And I really am going to bed!!!

A mixture between an hippy "peace and love" and a traveller...use to go to a lot of parties and festivals...in tends...

Waiting for ds to grow up ....and maybe have a bit more of those enjoyable days....

Blimey, have just read the last few posts properly and now see how it must have looked, I really am sorry Dotty.

I'm off to bed too (would prefer to carry on here though!)

Sophable, very intriguing!

am an 'alternative' mum insofar as I used to be involved in women's rights and was openly gay for a while...

maybe I should have stuck to that?!

no piercings (apart from ears and nose) and no tattoo tho

was wondering how long it would take you lot to jump down our throats. why does it bother you if a few moms with similar mind frames, who find it difficult to relate to other parents in their RL circumstances, have a chat about tattoos? what harm are we doing you? it so sad the way a small minority on MN feel they own the rights to tell others what conversations they may or may not have, and what phraseology they are permitted to use

Oh, fgs.

I have NO problem with the tat talk. It's the "straight women are all dull as fuck and threatened by us" shit that got to me, because it's judgemental as all get out and not true to boot.

but not everyone said that, yet you attacked us as a whole. iirc, only 2 comments of that variation were made and nobody agreed with them (am too tired to read through thread and double check that so correct me if i'm wrong)

i personally don't think bj's have musc to do with anything but was too lazy to argue, should i have stuck up for all you normal moms told the poster off by saying i'm sure you are all raging nymphomaniacs in the bedroom? could i care less?!

several posters came on here though and made a point of openly mocking us for having a chat about tattoos, piercings and the way moms react to us. why did we all deserve to be attacked for the comments of just one or two posters? comments which i hasten to add i perceived to be quite tongue in cheek at the time, maybe i was wrong?

and it's premised on being able to identify said straight women by dint of the clothes they wear

I don't see anyone "attacking you as a whole". You aren't a "whole" in any sense - that's the point. The whole concept of "alternative" is outdated, divisive and rather ludicrous.

pinktinsel no one is telling you you don't have the right to a conversation.....they are just disagreeing and putting their two pence in...fight back, but don't get sad!!!!

it's MN!

I don't know what "alternative" really means any more, but the truly original people I know don't bother with artifical frames of reference like normal or not-normal; they just are who they are. I really admire that.

Each to their own, but a special club for alternatives is a bit ironic isn't it?

i've spent years fighting back at being mocked for my appearance sophable. i find it ridiculous to have to do so to people who have never even seen me

and just as a point of interest as far as i'm concerned my tattoos and piercings have always been more about how they make me feel than how they make me look, and most of the others here will probably say the same. each one has a special meaning to me and i always saw myself having them even as a young child.

alternative might not be the perfect word to describe the type of person i am but it suffices.

welliemum, it wasn't a 'special club for alternatives' it was simply a conversation amongst a group of woman who encounter the same social problems due to their appearance and interests that for some reason has been seen as highly offensive to some. the problems i have talking to other mothers are very real and they mean i have virtually no RL mom friends so it was nice to chat to other moms who've experianced the same issues.

Good lord! "defending 'normal'"?

You really think its as base as that sophable? Like Hunker said - it was the irony in the judgements being made that rankled.

A stereotype is a stereotype - whether considered a minority or majority. I dont much care for them.

pinktinsel - have you tried the skin deep forums? plenty of tattooed mums there

not sure if i can link form here, presume it's not allowed, try a google

thanks persephone, will check it out tomorrow when dp isn't glaring at me to get off the pc, lol

No problems with links here persephone

Fair enough PinkTinsel.

But if you meet another mum and they're judging you because you have tattoos, surely it would only take another 5 minutes of conversation to get beyond appearances and start working out whether you actually have things in common?

Does having tattoos give you something in common with other people with tattoos, apart from the actual tattoos, that you can't share with other (not-tattooed) people?

Sorry, not expressing myself well here, not sure if that question makes sense!

Tattoos are very much mainstream here in NZ incidentally.

the tattoos aren't the problem as they're hidden.... the facial piercing make people flinch. ime i've found that the moms at mom and toddler will talk to everyone else there rather than me, and it's not for lack of trying or friendliness on my part. i chat away, play with their kids, ask questions but yet always seem to end up in a corner alone with dd while they chatter about buggies and their husbands jobs. when i suggest meeting up again their eyes go wide and they mumble excuses.

and to be fair i'm not that scary looking!

With all due respect PinkTinsel, are you sure all these other mothers are judging you because of your tattoos/piercings? Could it be that they find you unapproachable because you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder, and give off the air of expecting a negative response? I find your attitude off-putting tbh, and I can't even see your tattoos.

i have a chip on my shoulder here greensleeves because i'm defending myself. at these meetups i'm me, quite friendly and open believe it or not! i buy rounds of coffee, i ask about their kids and chat about anything i can find in common with them but i seem to be the last one any of them want to talk to.

at the first meetup my dd was playing on a couple of steps and one of the other toddlers came over and started to climb, so i did what anyone would do and put my hand on his arm to steady him (he was only 11 months), his mother ran over and snatched him away as if i was attacking him!

I sympathise to a degree, because I know how difficult it is to make friends and break into an already established social circle - I moved house recently and have found it very difficult, especially at mother and toddler groups - they are notoriously murder.

I doubt it has anything to do with your tattos/piercings though - it's difficult for lots of us for a wide variety of reasons. And I do find your clumping together of the other mothers with the phrase "they chatter about buggies and their husbands jobs" very supercilious and off-putting. I couldn't give a monkeys about tattoos or other visible symbols, but I find that unpleasant, and probably wouldn't befriend you if I had the slightest suspicion that you held such an attitude about other people who do not look like you on the outside.

oi hunk, am i normal?