Am I being paranoid or do you reckon I'm right?

[donnattella]

I'm not sure if my imagination is running away with me here.

Relatively new man, we've been seeing each other about 6 weeks and a we're exclusive but it's early days.

A had a nagging annoyance throughout in that he seems to be online on whatsapp quite often and very late at night. We're late twenties, but even I don't get 1am or 2am texts from friends on a daily basis so it made me a bit wondring who the heck he is talking to all the time.

He's not weird about his phone, and he doesn't use it at all when he's with me, and have noticed he aslo doesn't really get late night texts when he's with me either. I did notice a text from one girl a couple of weeks ago, and it was just friend stuff but it came at midnight. He'd just left the phone on the table and it flashed up. Nothing funny on the text, no kisses, just a contuinance of a conversation.

I was a bit so I checked on that girl and found she lives overseas in a place he used to live, and maybe the time diferrence might be why all the late night texting. He does hve a lot of female friends. She's not especially pretty, but he "likes" a lot of her photos. More than he does mine actually.

Anyway, he booked a holiday to go over to see friends. Says he has a lot from when he used to live there and obviously this girl lives there too. I didn't ask where he was going or who he was staying with - we're not at that stage yet and would not know who the people were anyway- but we made a date for the day after he gets home.

Not heard from him much, and I have noticed a couple of things that would indicate he's with this girl. Same photos being posted from both of them, that sort of thing. Also noticed he's never online texting since he's been away.

Am I being totally paranoid? Is he likely shagging this girl or is there a good chance they are just good friends? I've no reason to find him not trustworthy but it's nagging at me.

What a ratbag. All his talk of "exclusivity" while planning a trip with a one night stand and hoping that you'd never find out. He does sound supremely arrogant; assuming that he can behave in whatever manner he likes and that nobody will be smart enough to investigate further and, considering he has many female friends as I think you said at the start, he is clearly not very clued up on how a lot (no, not all) of women operate if given a reason to mistrust.

Hope that you are OK. Be kind to yourself. I am sure that this will make you a little wary of investing emotionally too early on, but there are nice men out there.

You do realise that you have committed the ultimate sin OP?

You have dumped him! Men like him dont get dumped, they merrily shag their way around, casting off women with narry a care, and they will of course be in love with him forever as "the one that got away..."

You are not supposed to dump him, he may never recover! :o

I figured it all out forensically and he's not replied to my message extensively and admitted all of it.

He said he's sorry, blah, blah, he is insecure, he liked the attention. Hates himself.

Don;t worry I will never see him again but feel no better.

When you say forensically, what do you mean?

I had an 'exclusive' bf who went to see a female 'friend' abroad for a week. He was shagging her. He told her he and I were just friends. But then, who knows. It's very unlikely to be the same man, so could just as easily be platonic.

I wnt back over our messages before we were dating etc. Pieced the dates together, got a reliable scenario and guessed at it and I was right.

He's admitted he went there and shagged her, admitted he'd gone knowing that was what would happen.

Well I would say that Thundercunt pretty much sums him up.

Its not nice realising that you have been taken for a fool, but at least you realised and have got rid of him.

Are you going to tell her? On the basis that she probably was being played by him too, I think you should. Not out of malice but so that she can make any future decisions based on the truth.

All you need to do is send her a message saying what he told you (ie, holiday with "mates) and that he had been seeing you and sleeping with you the whole time until he left and had admitted to wanting to resume your relationship when he returned. I think she deserves to know.

Oh and of course saying that you dumped him as soon as you found out what he was up to.

No, I'm not going to tell her. He says he's not going to see her again so why hurt her and make her feel like me? she's literally a 12 hour flight away. Let the poor woman get on with her life.

Ive been really too upset and agitated to type properly much. I'm in genuine shock honestly.

What, he travelled twelve hours to shag someone he won't see again?! I wouldn't believe a word he says.

Doesn't matter really to me to be honest. Not like we're getting back together after that!!!!!! What he does in future doesn't matter to me, only what he did when we were together.

It's strange I have become close friends with my Best Friends Widow and stay there a lot when I am i that part of the country.
There is nothing going on between us I've got my own bedrooom at her's and my GF totally understands.

Guess I'm just looking out for her and making sure she's ok and helping out where I can. I would hate it if anyone thought any different.

I Guess what I'm trying to say here is a bloke can have Friends that are girls and maybe there isn't anything going on.

Manopaws

Bit late, he already admitted it.

Yuck. What a fucking arsehole. I'm sorry OP.

yeh. Arsehole.

It's so strange how you have these gut feelings sometimes and I felt something was off but at the same time completely believed he didn't have it in him to be doing anything.

I dont think its strange at all. I am a huge believe in following your instincts. What I find strange is when someones instinct is screaming at them that something is wrong, and they continually ignore it to their own detriment.

Your twatdar is spot on, never doubt it!

I feel weirdly relieved. Like weeks of feeling just nagging doubt and then finally having an answer and at least getting closure.

I'm sorry you are upset. You deserve better so it is irritating you had weeks of your time wasted by inadequacy.

I doubt he hates himself. The cheating was premeditated and he stayed an extra day; he is just making noises.

I am very glad you called him a thundercunt!!

He was just sowing his wild oats and expecting to come back to me pretending nothing happenned

As I said upthread, your theory of what he would consider worthy of cheating on you with was off the mark. There's more to wanting sex with someone than their 'type'.

I talked to him a fair bit today. Only to get answers and I am not, or ever getting back together with him.

I think he just wanted sex off anyone who was interested in him joysmum.

He said he'd never had anyone be as forward as she was. He'd met her once and she was sending him dirty pictures, nudey pictures and yes, she did know about me and didn't care. Apparently she only does "no strings fun". He says the attention was something he liked.

Men are just as shallow as I'd thought...as much as it would be nice to believe he did this for her warming personality.

It's sounds incredible to me he would fly across the world to see a woman he met once (!) to stay with her and her DC for week for no strings fun.

Whether she knows about you or not, he will say you do incase you do anything reckless which might cause him problems.

Not all men are like that. Hopefully you'll met someone else soon.

not all men.
Sorry OP
What a shit

Yup.

Whole thing makes no sense to me either Lavender. I think he wanted me to find out about this I really do. There's something wrong with him not sure what but something really off.