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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught DTD

227 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 19:53

So DS (10) walked in. I thought the door was locked, it wasn't. He doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know how much he saw/knows.
I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone, just dating, which I think makes it harder.
How do others DTD as kids get older? Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's!

OP posts:
witsender · 15/11/2015 20:00

Had he met the person before? I'm no expert, but would think that any man woryh his salt would respect you keeping him away from your son until things were serious.

pestilence13610 · 15/11/2015 20:01

Pinch a 'do not disturb' sign from a hotel. Only use it for DTD and expect to hear the DC having loud conversations (outside the bedroom door) about the oldies being at it again.
Children really are the best form of contraception Grin

Pooka · 15/11/2015 20:04

I don't think it's fair to your do if you're putting him in awkward position by bringing bloke to yours. Was he staying over? If ds has not met the guy, or its not a prospective serious relationship, it should not happen while he's around IMO.

If the bloke is a good guy, then surely he'd understand that your do is a priority?

Joysmum · 15/11/2015 20:05

We had a hook and eye on the top of our door and frame. Now we have a room with a twisty lock on it the same as the bathroom.

We often have the radio on evenings and mornings etc so nothing unusual in that to drown out noise.

pieceofpurplesky · 15/11/2015 20:07

If the guy is out off by you thinking about your child and what is best for him then he is not worth it. I think you did the wrong thing in the first place having sex with someone you are dating, casually it seems in your OP, when there was any changes chance of DC finding out

pieceofpurplesky · 15/11/2015 20:07

Put off

WickedWax · 15/11/2015 20:16

I don't understand.

It's not a serious relationship but this man is staying over, and/or having sex with you in your home while your DS is around?

So does your DS think he's only a friend or do you introduce your DS to everyone you're 'just dating'? If it's the latter than maybe you need to have a word with your DS about not coming into your bedroom while there's a man in the house.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:17

Isn't that a contradiction? How can I get to know I guy better if I can't see him at mine when DC sleeping? It's hard and expensive getting babysitters. I was wondering how others cope when they become teenagers.

OP posts:
noclueses · 15/11/2015 20:19

surely a good lock on the door would help?

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/11/2015 20:19

oh dear your poor ds.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:21

Yes I'll def double check the lock! But surely as teenagers they'd know

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 15/11/2015 20:21

I think you need to be more careful. Has ds met the man before?

Yes it's hard to date but you need to protect your ds. Get the lock sorted asap and make it normal for you to have music /radio on.

noclueses · 15/11/2015 20:22

they know but they don't want to see you doing it (ouch)

PenelopePitstops · 15/11/2015 20:22

Even if they know, it stops them seeing ffs.

Shockers · 15/11/2015 20:22

Had DS been out and you weren't expecting him home?

noclueses · 15/11/2015 20:23

hopefully you were covered by the duvet, mostly.

AnyFucker · 15/11/2015 20:23

he's not a teenager, he is 10

I think you are more than entitled to a sex life, but I am not sure that getting caught having it off with a random in your house by a 10yo is at all acceptable, tbh

I imagine you do what all other single parents do and shag your brains out when dc are with the other parent. If this guy was anywhere decent he would understand that you come as part of a package and that "sleepovers" might be off the agenda for a while or at least until he is more of a constant in your life

you don't need male attention that much, do you ?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:24

No he got up in the night. What do you mean it stops them seeing? Surely this is a one off! I'm just wondering how others manage with teenagers, even with locks surely they know. I can honestly say I never knew my parents did it!

OP posts:
Workinprogress2015 · 15/11/2015 20:24

You do realise a 10 year old is not a teenager.

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/11/2015 20:25

tbh i think i'd be a pretty unhappy child if i lived in a home where my mother was regularly sleeping with men i didn't know.. and uncomfortable Hmm

ClassicMonkey · 15/11/2015 20:27

I think you need to keep your love life away from your DS until it's serious

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/11/2015 20:27

does your ds know this man? or is it some casual bloke you've got sleeping there while he's in bed..

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 15/11/2015 20:27

'How do others DTD as kids get older? Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's!'

I don't actually think it's unreasonable that you should wait two weeks to have sex with a guy you're dating in order to protect your son. It's only two weeks and your ds is only 10.

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/11/2015 20:28

sounds very dodgy to me sorry but put your son first.

ILoveNiceGunas · 15/11/2015 20:28

blimey. I'm a single parent so I know it's hard to combine parenthood with dating. Only ever had one bf back to the house and even then we waited until my dc were asleep. I was always so tired!!

my children are never with their other parent. It's hard. Sometimes I feel a relationship could be in the offing and then wonder if I could even cope with the juggling.