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Original poster

Caught DTD

227 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 19:53

So DS (10) walked in. I thought the door was locked, it wasn't. He doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know how much he saw/knows.
I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone, just dating, which I think makes it harder.
How do others DTD as kids get older? Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's!

OP posts:
WickedWax · 15/11/2015 20:29

I think it's not an issue for most people, because most parents are careful and respectful enough not to be bringing randoms into the family home for sex when their child is home and there is a chance they may walk in on them.

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 15/11/2015 20:29

'I'm just wondering how others manage with teenagers.'

Also not sure why you keep referring to your 10 year old ds as a teenager. He's still in primary school ffs.

OurBlanche · 15/11/2015 20:30

Not sure OP said he was a random, just that she was dating and not in a serious relationship.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just be ready to apologise for not locking your door, and to tell him that you d have your own friends and he needs to recognise your bedroom as being yours.

As long as you don't freak him out by making a huge thing of it, but do allow him to have a think and then a shout about it, you should be able to explain it so he doesn't forever hold it against you.

Good luck with it.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:30

Regularly? Where the fuck did I say regularly? This was the first time. DS is 10.
Like I said I was wondering how others managed not asking for advice so I can bring a different man home every weekend.
So sordid get back to your happily marrieds thread and leave people who raise DC in the real world to offer advice. Women actually have sex now, shock horror.
I have been tearful all day and didn't expect to be made out like this happens every week!

OP posts:
category12 · 15/11/2015 20:30

I have sex once a fortnight while my kids are away at their dad's. Sometimes we get a travelodge or use our annual leave to spend the day in bed. My bloke is OK with that. [shrug]

orchidnap · 15/11/2015 20:32

you want to keep the kind of men who wouldnt be happy with no having sex when youre 10 year old son who doesnt know them is in the house?

I have no words.

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/11/2015 20:32

you're asking about what to do in the future so it obviously wasn't a one off.

Yes.. he's ten - a child.

hahaha thanks for the laugh.. i think i know a little about the real world ta.

Notimefortossers · 15/11/2015 20:32

I agree with the majority. You did a crappy crappy thing. Poor boy

goddessofsmallthings · 15/11/2015 20:33

Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's

Given the reason, any guy who's put off by your unavailability isn't worth entertaining either sexually or in any other way.

CrunchySlippers · 15/11/2015 20:34

Can you have sex at your partners place?

My ds(10) walked in on us (DH=dad) and was horrified, (we were fully under duvet) I asked him if he was ok, if he wanted to talk about it (NO!!!) and left it at that. They have done sex-ed at that age, and know what its about, but he'll be ok

(make sure the door is locked next time)

sonnyson12 · 15/11/2015 20:34

I feel for your son. You sound very selfish, more concerned about how to 'bag' a man than how your behaviour impacts on your child.

If I were your son, I would have lost a huge amount of respect and trust for you. He will be forever trying to erase this image from his mind.

Why is your son only at his fathers once night a fortnight? Good luck when his father finds out.

I'm guessing you met him online?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:35

Thanks blanche no not random. Don't know why I'm being made out to be having sex with randoms because I'm not ready to say 'relationship'.
I never said DS was a teenager, just that I was wondering how those with teenagers manage as it never occurred to me growing up that my parents had sex and that maybe these days with more people divorced etc that it might be more difficult.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 15/11/2015 20:35

OP you do understand that a teenager is someone of 13.

That's 3 years older than your DS who I imagine is feeling pretty upset around about now.

Still, at least you got laid. Yay!

Hmm
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:38

Notime what crappy thing did I do? Had sex? Why is that crappy? Most couples do it. Are you telling me that every couple on MN sends their children away for the night so they can have sex at home? Or is it crappy because I've only been dating this guy for a few months?

OP posts:
Finola1step · 15/11/2015 20:39

You are perfectly entitled to a private life. Of course you are.

But I think the tough responses you are getting is because you do not seem to realise what is the priority here. Your 10 year old boy woke up in the night, came to your room and found you having sex with some bloke. And you're asking about what to do in the future.

He is not a teenager, he is a child. Yes, get a decent lock for your room. But at the same time, swallow your feelings of discomfort, and look at this from your son's perspective.

RealityCheque · 15/11/2015 20:39

Wow. You lot are properly going overboard on OP here.

Some people have a normal sex drive and would like it more than twice as month ffs. She has admitted to making the mistake of not locking the door.

Shockers · 15/11/2015 20:39

I think the trick is not to have anyone stay over when he's there. Does your son go to his dad's, or grandparents at all?

Having somebody you don't know very well in the house, while you're asleep and your child is there isn't a great idea tbh. Although I know you have needs -I've been a LP to a 4-11yr old son!.

OurBlanche · 15/11/2015 20:39

It's no trouble, AtSea. I read it as you posted it. And I too am being shredded tonight, for no better reason. It must be a Sunday thing. I rarely post on Sundays.

The worst thing you could do would be to make him feel worse by apologising for having your own life/friends. Just wait until he can look you in the eye again and explain it to him.

Could you discuss it with his dad? Would he be of any help to you? If he would and you could give him advance notice, maybe your son would talk to him - though I appreciate that could be truly embarrassing.

Lucyccfc · 15/11/2015 20:41

I'm in your position - single Mum, with a 10 year old DS.

Hell would freeze over before I brought a man back to my house and had sex whilst my DS was there. Any decent man would understand that this was unacceptable and would wait until your DS was with his Dad for the weekend.

I totally understand that your DS doesn't want to discuss it. He must be really embarrassed.

So, you asked for advice (hopefully from people in your position). It's ok to have a boyfriend, it's ok to have sex too, but not if your DS is being impacted by it. Wait until he goes to his Dad's and spend the whole weekend having sex and enjoying yourself.

orchidnap · 15/11/2015 20:41

surely if youre not ready to use the word relationship youre also not ready to expain to your son who he is and why hes staying over? Or ready to introduce him to your son for that matter??

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 20:43

At least I got laid? Well it's hardly something that's top of my agenda.
My DS seemed fine when we played all afternoon together. I asked him last night if he wanted to talk about it, he said no. I'm not even sure he remembers as he sleep walks but I didn't want to jog his memory by bringing it up again today. I'm aware that it's 3 years until he's a teenager yes. But trust me it'll take me 3 years to be brave enough to DTD again! It's last thing I needed, it took a lot of courage to get undressed in first place which is probably why I fumbled the lock.

OP posts:
Wombat87 · 15/11/2015 20:44

OP the more you argue your innocence the more they'll come at you. Ignore the shit they throw, there are some on these forums that like to take the worst point they can find, exaggerate, twist and continue to hammer at their point.

I get what you're saying. You're seeing someone who's not an official relationship but may have the potential to be. Yet with being a single parent you obviously would struggle to see that person (in whatever capacity) only every 2 weeks. Common sense says you need to invest more time than that to push things to the next stage (relationship).

I would apologise to DS, check again he doesn't want to talk about it.... And then ask your dude friend to keep a low profile for a week or so. Then see how DS is. If dude can't be that flexible and considerate to DS then not worth the time. Good luck. Don't forget the lock next timeSmile

ALaughAMinute · 15/11/2015 20:46

Feel so sad for your DC. Please don't do this.

VestalVirgin · 15/11/2015 20:47

Not bring them home until you are sure it's a relationship?

I mean, I don't know how long you have known that guy, and how many of your friends know him, etc, but with children in the house, you have to think of more than your own safety, and you wouldn't be the first woman to accidentally get involved with a bad guy.
(Also, if you didn't introduce him to your son, then that's ... well, just bad form. When I was sharing a flat with other girls, they'd tell me when they had a boyfriend over so that I would know it wasn't a burglar when I saw a man going to the bathroom or whatever)

As for the boy catching you ... well, at age ten he probably knows what he saw, and there's no need to explain if you didn't get up to kinky stuff.
No child really wants to know their parents have sex. Let him forget it as quickly as he can.

Your problem is solved, I don't think your son will ever again enter your room without knocking beforehand.

Maybe you should have a conversation about the general fact of you bringing men into the house - your son might be upset about that, because, as I pointed out above, with flatmates you usually do tell them when you are going to invite someone.

Oh, and please don't arrange your sex life according to whether it would "put him off". A man who runs away when he doesn't get enough sex is not a man you want to saddle yourself with when you are already a single mom.

lemonade30 · 15/11/2015 20:48

Learn your lesson and get a lock.

Apologise to your son once and then don't mention the incident ever again.

It's not a massive deal, it's happened just once, it's not as if he's seeing you banging a different bloke every week.

Shit happens.