Caught DTD

[AtSea1979]

So DS (10) walked in. I thought the door was locked, it wasn't. He doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know how much he saw/knows.
I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone, just dating, which I think makes it harder.
How do others DTD as kids get older? Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's!

If you read the OP's previous posts (I actually recognised her from an OLD thread back in April this year) - it seems as Anyfucker has pointed out that this boyfriend is either or has been cheating on her or spying on her on MN - in July and then September.

Or she's moved on pretty darned quick to the next man...

A lock would seem the way to go but I think from her posts if same guy she has a bit more to worry about than being walked in on by her son.

Poor little boy. He went looking for his mum in the night for some comfort and saw her shagging a stranger. If you don't think that's awful then shame on you.

You're being given a ridiculously hard time here, OP. If you were bringing random men back every week and introducing a series of "Mummy's special friends" then yeah, not so great. But that's not what's happening.

Having said that, I echo what Walter says about not wanting to "put him off". Have sex because you want to, don't do it just to bag a boyfriend.

I don't think seeing your mum shag a stranger, once, is much more traumatizing than seeing your dad shag your mum tbh.

Poor little boy, not only does he have to deal with a recent split but then when needing mum in the night finds her making out with a stranger.

Bringing new men home when it's just you is your risk, doing it when their are children in the house is wrong.

Hi thee to a nunnery, AtSea

You bad, bad, Random Shagger you

If I had any left I'd hand out a whole passel of grips!

If he got up in the night, it's not really op's fault. I mean all couples have sex while their kids are in bed. It's just unlucky if they wake and we don't hear them

but gandalf it's a bit different if as a kid you know who is in bed with your mum at least!

There's nowt wrong with fucking a person within weeks of breaking up with someone, of course, but you really need to be discrete.

I'd not bring someone home that soon though, even if the kids were out tbh.

I have had one man over with the kids here. They'd met him many times but even then I set up the sofa bed and he camped out there.
We had furtive sex there and I snaked into my bed in the wee small hours.
He was cool with that, coz he's a grown-up.

Well of course he doesn't want to talk about it. What 10 year old would do. Of course it was a shock to him, to walk in and see you at it with someone who he'd never met. How would you have felt at 10 years old if you'd have been in that situation.
Now please believe me. In no way should you feel bad though. Adults have sex. Always have always will., but I think you just have to move on from this as he is not going to want to speak about it. My dd is 16 now and obviously fully understands what sex is, but I never dtd when she is home. Not really sure why. We just fit it in a of a day time when we're both off work and when dd is at college or out. Or of a night if she stays out. Or even if she just goes out for a few hours. We all ways manage to fit sex time into our schedule. Well put it this way we manage it at least 2days a week and at least twice in the one session

OP, the problem here is that you are too involved to be impartial.

Imagine that this never happened. One day, your DS comes home from spending a weekend at his dad's and he tells you that he got up and went to say something to his dad and caught him having sex with a woman he had never seen before.

What would your reaction be? What would you like to tell your Ex-H? What measures would you like your Ex to take to make sure it does not happen again?

Then apply all the answers to the above to yourself.

Do it when your DS is out of the house-simple....GOD! Did he even know the bloke was in the house?

OP, you could psychologically damage your child. He's probably acting as if nothing has happened because that is what children do but don't underestimate what this could do to him. Don't do it.

I think it's appalling to be honest, but no doubt I'll be called an old prude!

If I ever split with DH there's no way I'd be inviting random (and don't forget he is a random, Unknown man to your DS) into my bed whilst my children were in the house.

I like to try and lead by example, do you really want to send the message that it's acceptable to bring random people into the family home for bonking sessions without even bothering to introduce them first?

The levels of judgement on this thread are horrible. OP, I sincerely hope you can put aside the comments that are not at all constructive and look to preventing it from happening again, and engaging with your son about it when he's ready.

Psychological damage in a once-off incident? Give me a fucking break.

I think you're getting a lot of harsh responses. Its happened now, not ideal but you can't change it. It's just sex. He'll get over it.

Physiological damage? Probably not, but not very nice for a child to see is it.

Op, can you clarify how long have you been with this bloke, how well does he know your son and was it in the middle of night? Cant tell from your posts whether it was the middle of the night or middle of the day? I remember catching my happily married parents one early morning and I was pretty traumatised by it and definitely didn't want to speak about it.

gatewalker it was a fucking break that got AtSea into this judgmental mess in the first place

pilates!!!!!! really? Far too prurient! I can suggest a few books, if you are in need of some stimulation.

I can't believe the hard time the Op is getting!!

Do none of you have sex when your children are in the house?

OP, sort the lock out and perhaps have a general chat with your DS about respecting boundaries, privacy and knocking.

These threads pop up reasonably regularly on MN and I don't think I've ever seen an OP get such a hard time as this one. She was having sex, nothing indicates that she was having a full on Shades of Grey sex session or anything like that.

Obviously I have sex when my kids are in the house, the key difference is they actually know who my husband is!

I feel sorry for the op, the roasting she's had.

I once went to a travel lodge type place with a man I was seeing (in my home town) to avoid this type of situation exactly, ie, my children seeing a man and wondering who he was. however I was seen by a local busy body whose niece is a 'mum-at-the-school'. The niece had been my friend on fb which is very different from being a friend! She deleted me, so I strongly suspected that her aunt, unable to comprehend why any mother might meet a man in a hotel, assumed he was married and told her. She of course told a few other people! The aunt gives me a judgemental stare when she sees me now. Now there is an untrue rumour in my town that I shag married men in travel lodges. I felt terrible about it, started a thread about it on here and got called a troll and a liar and accused of actually being an OW and trying to test if my lie would float. So upsetting. And all of that, from doing the right thing. So. If it's any consolation OP, being a single parent, and doing everything right, and not being judged, trying not to be lonely, it's not easy................... certainly not as easy as some (only some) married posters think it is. It's a tightrope.

So?

What?

It is lonely, frustrating, humiliating, upsetting, and I'm sharing that with the op and you're saying ''so?'' Or is that to somebody else