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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught DTD

227 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/11/2015 19:53

So DS (10) walked in. I thought the door was locked, it wasn't. He doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know how much he saw/knows.
I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone, just dating, which I think makes it harder.
How do others DTD as kids get older? Especially when you are in early relationship and don't want to put a guy off by only having sex once a fortnight when DS at his dad's!

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 18/11/2015 23:48

I think sonny needs some counselling Hmm

sonnyson12 · 18/11/2015 23:49

Abusive and threatening behaviour?

My break up was years ago and I have successfully divorced my now ex and had many court orders awarded in my favour after enduring years of abuse.

How on earth have I been abusive?

sonnyson12 · 18/11/2015 23:50

Umbongo,

that is a cheap shot.

UmbongoUnchained · 18/11/2015 23:51

Not a cheap shot at all. You clearly have issues with women that need addressing.

sonnyson12 · 18/11/2015 23:52

Not at all,

I take issue with people that expose their children to the things that the Op has posted about, this time and previously and most of it doesn't add up.

UmbongoUnchained · 18/11/2015 23:53

Go away then?

sonnyson12 · 18/11/2015 23:55

because you told me too?

Waltermittythesequel · 18/11/2015 23:57

sonny I think you need to step away.

You're sounding more and more like a MRA fanatic and thru never enjoy it here.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 18/11/2015 23:57

It's funny. I started this thread reasonably light hearted, after DS catching me with duvet over me with a man in my bed and wondering how others cope with teenagers who know even more. Instead it's made me feel like I've gone back in time, to a time when my MH was acute and I was unable to make rational decisions and now I'm left wondering if I'm back there now. If I've got it completely wrong, instead of taking ex DP break up with pinch of salt, turning other cheek and thinking two fingers up to you, you ain't going to make me stay indoors again and be lonely so bounce straight in to dating. Maybe the only thing now is to be on my own for a few years again and make that work. This has left me with lots to think about.

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 18/11/2015 23:58

Because you're not contributing to this thread anymore. You're just being bullying and abusive. And a bit of a prick.

sonnyson12 · 18/11/2015 23:58

Give me one example of how I sound like an MRA fanatic, whatever one of those is.

sonnyson12 · 19/11/2015 00:00

Bullying?

You were laughing at screwfix half an hour ago.

You have told me to 'fuck off' and called me a 'prick'. that is bullying and abusive.

AnyFucker · 19/11/2015 00:02

It needn't be a "few years" AtSea

just long enough for you to really acknowledge that although your thread was meant to be lighthearted, and I get that, the most concerning message coming through your posts here is that you were concerned that if you didn't have sex with this random (yes, random) guy in your house with your child at very real risk of walking in, he would disappear on you

that's not healthy

Waltermittythesequel · 19/11/2015 00:02

Mens Rights Activist.

You know, woman haters?

Waltermittythesequel · 19/11/2015 00:03

Maybe the only thing now is to be on my own for a few years again and make that work

I really think that is for the best. You need to work on your boundaries.

UmbongoUnchained · 19/11/2015 00:05

Yeah that was before you turned into a psycho. Go away now thanks.

OP you've been flamed, you seem to have taken on board what everyone has said and hopefully it's opened your eyes to what is acceptable. If I were you, I'd ask to have this thread deleted before it gets ridiculous.

sonnyson12 · 19/11/2015 00:07

and now I'm psycho,

could you please stop with the personal insults.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 19/11/2015 00:09

Anyfucker when you put it like that, I guess it is concerning but I didn't mean it as I have sex with guys because I'm scared of losing them. I meant it more as in, I need to make time and nurture a relationship for it to work and it's hard to juggle that with work and DC and the million extra curricular clubs they have. Certainly didn't want it to sound like nurturing a relationship takes presidence, it doesn't. Any relationship has always fitted in with DC schedule but I don't have much childcare so they inevitably have been introduced and stayed at mine. I viewed it as in, I wouldn't think twice about introducing them to female friends and indeed this wkend we are doing a parenting meetup with other adults/DC so why make big deal about introducing them to a guy. Maybe I was wrong there too.

OP posts:
Zippingupmyboots · 19/11/2015 00:09

Well it might not be a bad thing might it op, for you to be on your own for a bit.

You have started two threads about two different men in the same week. I am a single parent too and it's hard and lonely at times but I'm not sure why you are putting yourself through it (you were stood up tonight?)

Waltermittythesequel · 19/11/2015 00:13

You are wrong, there's no maybe about it.

UmbongoUnchained · 19/11/2015 00:16

Introducing them to female friends is very different to sleeping with a man they have never met while they are in the house. THATS the issue that you don't seem to grasp.

aurynne · 19/11/2015 00:33

If you had been caught DTD with a female friend, we would be telling you exactly the same things, OP. There is no problem in introducing your DS to both male and female friends. But surely you can see the difference between that, and getting a man/woman he does not know into your (and your DS's) home to stay the night and have sex while your DS is there.

AnyFucker · 19/11/2015 00:44

You are casually dating. You shouldn't be introducing these men to your dc. Lots of people have sympathised at how hard it is to juggle a personal life with being a LP, but getting caught at it by your kid should be the catalyst to examine what exactly you are looking for with these men

they don't care about you, and they don't care about your children

Ultimately, I don't see how more instances of cap like this can fail to make your depression worse not better

Like I said, you are looking to the wrong people to make you feel better about yourself

What you are doing at the weekend sounds a lot more constructive though

AnyFucker · 19/11/2015 00:44

*crap

SuperFlyHigh · 19/11/2015 18:50

OP not an ideal scenario but my mum met her life partner my stepdad) when he rented a room in her house as a lodger. Having a very sick child my mum didn't want to rush into things and was friends with my stepdad and was on her own for 1-2 years beforehand.

I've known some single parents date relentlessly and have the hassle of meeting men without kids who don't want to get involved with single parents. Eventually though they met (the single dad as well as mums) met partners.

All I'm saying is rushing never does any good. I know friends who rush from one relationship to the next because they're scared of being alone. Being alone is not scary!

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