DH is taking the piss

[Liv87]

DH and I both work (him FT me PT) we have a 2 year old DS.

Before I went back to work I was a SAHM for 18 months I had severe PND and nearly lost the plot. The loneliness and isolation was extremely difficult to deal with, we'd just moved to a new area and I would go weeks at a time without speaking to anyone other than DH - God it was awful. I felt suicidal, daily and still get a rush of panic every time I'm left on my own with DS for several days at a time.

DH spends a lot of time out of the house, he is either at work, at the pub, doing one of his hobbies or out socialising. Since I went back to work and I'm not longer as isolated as I was he has taken the opportunity to ramp up his social life and hobbies and also start working later and later - this annoys me because he doesn't get paid any extra and this is time he could be spending with us. He rarely spends any time with us as a family and I'm starting to think he just doesn't want to be part of our family.

This week he has worked 12 hour days, gone out for a meal and drinks with colleagues and gone to a friends birthday party which involved an overnight stay in London. He assured me he'd be back before midday. I sent several texts (ignored) and called twice (answerphone). When he finally called back and midday he said he'd be back 'this afternoon' as he was 'listening to music' and 'chilling out.

The last text he sent assured me he'd be back 'this evening' - I went fucking postal. He's ignoring me and he seems to be really enjoying his fun little game.

Talking to him, reasoning, writing letters does nothing to change his ways.

I'm so fed up of being treated like a skivvy 1950s housewife. I'm tempted to just walk out.

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

*accompanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

it's not too late to show your son that is is better to be alone than badly accopanied

bloody hell, I don't know what happened then, sorry

Sorry AF - what was that?

Yes, absolutely, what AF said (as usual) is exactly right. This man sounds worse and worse the longer your thread gets OP.

I still would try to get some counselling if you can. I suspect this is going to take a while to get sewn up and he will probably get all maudlin on you once he realises you mean business.

You can do this and you can at least keep coming back to MN for help or just to vent.

Op, I have followed this with interest. I was in a similar situation, with a useless dh but minus the drink (thankfully) and he was spectacularly disinterested in our two small dc. Please prepare yourself for the possibility that your dh might continue to show little interest in your dc (as a protest) after your split. It will hurt but you will realise how much better off you are parenting alone. I hope I am wrong though.

Also to say...you sound fab and I detect a sense of humour amongst all the shit :) Very best of luck to you.

Op please leave this twat, please start planning now.

Liv you will be so much happier without this fuckwit. The fact that you won't have that resentment when he doesn't do his share will be empowering.

It won't change Liv, even if he gives up the drink. That selfish attitude won't suddenly disappear

I've just read through this thread in one go and OP, tour increasing strength with every post is clear to see.

You've worked out exactly what the situation is. You can now take steps to fix it. You will be so much happier.

He's useless. You're fab.

Best of luck tomorrow.

Best of luck tomorrow Liv, thinking of you

GOOD LUCK LIV! (yes I am shouting, you rock).

Good luck tomorrow

Good Luck for tomorrow.

you've had some great advice. I would be extremely careful what I say to your husband, bite your tongue all you can until you get money etc sorted out or the solicitor advises you what to say. keep you eyes on the future as a free woman with your lovely son.

you can do it, and you will be happier when you do. get your hands on everything you can, for yours & your son's sake. he's been pissing away your (joint) money for long enough.

He's an arse. And what AF said

You can do it!

AF said it all many many times - you'll be so much better off without him.

I also agree that you shouldn't expect much, if anything, from his parents - because yes, ultimately they are HIS parents and are more likely to side with him and berate you for your failure to "support" him. They almost certainly won't understand, they never will - so take them down to civil contact for the sake of your DS only.
(Occasionally the ILs will side with the injured party (you) rather than the offender, but that's very much NOT the norm, so don't hope for it)

Good luck for tomorrow - I hope you can get the ball rolling ASAP. You're being very strong about it all, which is great.

Good luck op for tomorrow.

For what it's worth my dad was an alcoholic but they're a nightmare to live with and I am thankful my mum divorced him when I was 5.

I also used to work for solicitors one of whom was family/divorce and trust me you're entitled to more that you think. I won't say it'll be easy because it isn't and he won't make it easy but get a good divorce lawyer and they're worth their weight in gold and very supportive, I would advise if you want to speak to a lawyer ensure its someone you can speak to, I only say this as one of the family/divorce lawyers was no good with "stupid women" (his words!) and no good with emotional women whereas the other F/D one was excellent very good at handholding and talk and reassuring!

Good luck!

Oh and yes ignore his parents and expect them to side with him.... Sadly my dad's parents had to be kept away from us kids as they'd tried to kidnap the son (my half brother) from his mum as they thought she'd had an affair. Of course kidnap is rare and I don't want to scare you!

He sounds like an ass - one you can do without.

He also sounds like the kind of person who wasn't onboard with having kids.

I'm glad you are feeling stronger now, sometimes writing it down does suddenly make it all clearer in your head doesn't it?
Hope today goes well. I think you are doing the right thing.

Imagine us all standing with you Liv
You can be that strong, independent woman
You ARE her, you have made the first step, choosing not to put up with this.