Ready to cave in & need some help

[Wibhay]

Hi I'm sure a lot of you have read a previous post ..Need your advice.
I've recently broken up with someone and although everyone is saying it's the right thing and I agree I'm finding it so hard. I'm sitting here blaming myself and keep picking up the phone to call him and apologie. It's like I'm out of control and can't help myself. Sorry to post on here it's just I have very few friends and don't know how to stop myself. :(

OP, this isn't love. Please believe me and all the other posters, this is not how love works.

I think that you are going to recover a lot quicker than you think, once you open your mind to the truth, and stop blaming yourself.

I hope your right kerbs. Just can't understand why it hurts so much x

Well done for blocking him! He's angry and is trying to punish you by saying things he knows will hurt you. That's not the mark of a good man.

It hurts because it is a genuine loss and you will need time to grieve. It's a big adjustment and feels scarey. However you are also grieving the loss of the future you thought you might have. But you wouldn't have this rosy little picture you are painting in your head. Not with him. One day you will realise this. You sound like a lovely caring person and although you don't feel it now, you are strong. Eventually you'll know it was the right thing to do. Just be kind to yourself in the meantime, you're worth the love of a good man.

How do you stop blaming yourself? Haven't been to sleep as keep going over and over things

It has been hours since you made the break, and he is deliberately trying to make you feel bad, possibly from wounded pride.

I recognise you are feeling bad, but think, if you go back to him his words will always be there at the back of your mind. How will you behave towards his kids then? It's poisoned beyond repair. All you can do is move on.

Try thinking of it like flu. You feel like utter death for the first few days, really bad, and then you feel like washed out rags for a few weeks and then gradually you get better. There is nothing you can do except push fluids.

hugs

btw when I can't sleep I start mentally measuring for curtains. Or try and meal plan with working out quantities. Anything that displaces the thoughts and concentrates on mundane. It doesn't always work, but it's not a bad place to start.

Sending more hugs

Feeling a bit more positive after meeting up with my best friend and seeing her 2 gorgeous boys

did you tell her what's been going on???

Yes she knew anyway and has made her views on him very clear for a while now

Listen to your friend x

Oh Wib I'm so happy to see your latest posts. Everyone needs clever perceptive friends.

So what does your friend think of him?

My friend to start off with really liked him and used to say I was over reacting with some things like why he wasn't answering texts straight away etc. But then over time she changed her mind and said he was very controlling and could never see that he was wrong. She said many many months ago that he just wanted a house for him and his kids and knew how to dangle a carrot to keep me interested. At times we've had some disagreements over him and I've always tried to defend him. At the end of the day I guess she knows what I am like and has told me in the past when I've been wrong so I trust her judgement

Buy her and for being such a and stick to your resolve. There is a better future for you.

And you still wanted to go back to him after his cruel texts???
You're 'picking at scabs' and tormenting yourself; he's poison, toxic, abusive.
He was using you.
You're infinitely better off without him, see him for what he is - a scheming, manipulative and despicable individual who only wanted your money.

Start planning little treats, outings, a brighter and so much better future

I just know that I was at fault partly so that makes it harder to walk away. At the end of the day he couldn't love me equal amount that he loved his kids which is no fault to him but I couldn't have lived being second best :( I was hoping starting our own family would have brought us closer but I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and toes I'll get that opportunity with someone else

I think your friend sees him very clearly and you should listen to her. Interestingly she's said exactly the same thing that many people have said on this thread and we don't know him!

How about investing that money of yours into a new home. That'll keep you busy.

Oh Kerbs I would LOVE that but at the moment it would be a bit hard as it would make my commute to work a lot lot longer :( I have been looking at a new car though. Although it's not as wise investment as a house but it would certainly keep me happy for a while

Please, never, ever, ever, believe that a baby will 'bring you closer' to any man.

In order to 'survive' the arrival of a baby you need to be in a relationship with FIRM FOUNDATIONS.

You can now look to a brighter future where you find someone to lay those foundations.

More for you.

Sorry what I meant was brought us closer as I'm he would have included me with the kids more etc etc

A new car! Brilliant. Something a little bit sporty perhaps.

Do whatever you possibly can to make your life better right now. The new home can wait a while.

Cross post Wib You've got so bogged down with this man and his kids you've forgotten how to be young and have fun, Get the car.

Wibhay, did he ever say in any of those texts that he loved you and missed you and would do anything to get you back, or were they all telling you how shit you are?

Listen to your wise friend, get the car, keep him blocked and enjoy life without this complete and utter tosser.

No he said everything was my fault and I had fucked everything up. He said I had treated him and his kids let shit and made his son feel uncomfortable. He told me to go off and find some other mug and that I was nasty, negative and caused him stress :( I guess I must have been pretty bad and he could only take so much then snapped. At least I shouldn't be able to piss off a new car that much :)